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Monday, April 26, 2010

Prom Mistake

Q: My best friend is spreading lies about me to the whole school. I'm so hurt and don't know what to do. Her boyfriend broke up with her a few weeks ago and then asked me to the prom, but he was already broken up with her. I wanted to go to the prom really bad. She shouldn't hold that against me, should she?

Anne: Well, yeah, if this guy was really her boyfriend. Was she upset by the break-up? If so, maybe you should have passed up going to the prom with him. Ask yourself which is more important, going to one dance or keeping a friend. Then ask how you would feel if the situation was reversed. All I can suggest now is to keep being nice--don't start talking about her--and maybe things will straighten out in time.

Dee: Good God. My recollection is that in high school girls get mad with each other and make up more often than rabbits have bunnies. In my opinion, you screwed her by accepting the invitation of her former boyfriend when they just recently broke up. So now you have to suck it up. Apologize. Try being a better friend yourself.

And for God's sake, Anne, next week I want a sex question instead of high school trauma.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Virgin in Virginia and Hating It

Q: I'm fifteen and have just started dating the guy of my dreams. I've had a crush on him for two years and couldn't believe it when he asked me out two weeks ago. Since then we've been together every single day. I love him and he says he loves me. I want to show him how much by having sex, but he won't do it. He signed a contract saying he would remain celibate until marriage, which I think is totally unreasonable. If he really loved me, wouldn't he want to share making love? I'm the only one of my friends who's still a virgin and I want to change that with Joey, the boy I want to be with forever. How do I convince him?

Anne: First of all, think about what virginity means. It says that you respect yourself enough to wait until you find the man (the man) you want to marry and have children with. That's the purpose of sex, not the random coupling that people use it for today. Second, you could be right, but the odds of you and Joey lasting to marriage--or even 11th grade--are slim. The divorce rate for people who date a long time and swear before their family and friends that they will "honor and cherish until death do them part" is 50%, so realistically, the chances you and Joey will last is very, very low. So if you give yourself to him, what do you do with the next boy (next boy) you "love." Last, being the only virgin in your group is not a good reason to hop into the backseat with Joey or any other boy. Losing your virginity is something that only happens once, get it? Make sure you're giving it away for the right reason, with your dignity and self worth in place and in mind.

Dee: I agree with Anne's advice, yet not the preachy style she uses to say it. Listen, before you have sex, ask your minister or counselor at school or your parents (best choice if you can talk to them) to let you talk to one or two unwed mothers. Having a child--or an abortion--at your age is not something to take lightly.

The fact is, when you're engaging in risky behavior, sometimes you make bad decisions, like having sex without protection, like drinking or using drugs so that you're not thinking clearly, or maybe letting yourself feel pressured to do something you're simply not ready to do. Adults make bad decisions, too, but your hormones are running crazy right now, making rational thought nearly impossible at times.

My advice? Pay attention to Joey. Don't have sex until you're older and you know more about what you're doing. If you're going to have sex no matter what we say, ALWAYS use a condom, no matter what a guy tells you or how carried away you are. A diagnosis of HIV is common in the 24-28 age group, which means teens are contracting the disease. Birth control in addition to a condom is not a bad thing. My mom told me when I was a teen and it's still true, use an aspirin for birth control. One aspirin, held tightly between the knees, is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Please! I Need Some "Head" Advice in Parsippany

Q: My boyfriend likes me to give him oral sex. I try but I'm not very good at it. Any suggestions?

Anne: Well, at least you're trying. Has your boyfriend said what he perceives as the problem? If he gives specifics, then you have a starting point for improvement. By the way, I hope he returns the favor and gives you oral sex, too.

Dee: Listen, he can't get away simply with saying he doesn't like the way you do blow jobs, he has to give a little more detail. Is it that you don't swallow, or you don't take enough of him, or you don't maintain a rhythm, or what? Too bad you don't know a prostitute or someone who has a lot of experience who could give you a few personal tips.

Barring that, here's what I know:
• Relax the throat--if you can't manage on your own, there are sprays you can use for this. Use your lips to press him firmly.
• On the downward stroke, use your tongue on the underside of his cock and twist the base slightly with your free hand.
• At the bottom, tongue flick the base.
• Use a licking motion on the upward stroke.
• At the top, hold the base, then lick the crown and tickle the slit.
• Most of all, act like you're enjoying yourself. Giving head is a very sensual, intimate act. Men generally love it, but it loses a lot if you hate every second and show it.

For advice from more knowledgeable sources, check out these sites and others: allsexguide.com, deepmemories.com. I found these by Googling "how to give a blow job," so information isn't hard to find.

If you actually do hate giving head, then explain that to your boyfriend and don't do it. Perfect hand jobs instead. If your boyfriend insists on blow jobs in order for you to stay together and you hate it, too bad for him--that's not being loving and you deserve better. But if you enjoy bringing a man to his knees by sucking him off, then a little technique can go a long way in giving pleasure to both of you.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Taxing Situation in Tucumcari

Q: Every year, my girlfriend waits until the very last minute to prepare her taxes. She holds off and then drags me into the mess with her, venting, ranting at the IRS and herself (and me) alike, and generally disrupting our lives for a couple of weeks while she scrambles to find the information and receipts she needs and then getting them to the accountant in time for him to do the work and send it back before April 15. It drives me crazy!! Any tips on how I can prod her into getting things done earlier next year?

Anne: Well, show her this letter, for one. Let her know that it isn't just her who's thrown into a tizzy by her lateness. Or perhaps you could start in February, suggesting the two of you do your taxes together and then help her get organized. Or, take the bull by the horns and set up an accounting package that will automatically organize her income and expenses?

On the other hand, maybe she's one of those people who lives on the drama of running up to the last minute. (Like someone you know, Dee?) In which case, get used to chaotic Aprils because that's the way they will always be.

Dee: Haha, Anne. Look, dude, when I think of a woman "being late," financial planning isn't what comes to mind, family planning is. Thank your lucky stars you're only talking of something as insignificant as preparing taxes and cut your girlfriend some slack. Turn on a game, get a beer and let her run around in panic mode to her heart's content.