UVA Shy-Guy

Q: I'm a shy (painfully so) 17-year old guy who's starting freshman year at the U. of Virginia. I clam up whenever I'm around girls. What can I do to meet someone nice who won't make me feel like hurling wit nerves?

Anne: Poor thing! I'm shy myself, so I can sympathize. Unfortunately, there's no easy cure. The thing that works best--I think--is to try to meet someone who shares your interests, and then you have something to build on. So if you attend church, join the youth group and meet girls who also like going to church. Strike up a conversation with girls in your classes, giving you a ready topic. Also, sometimes you can double date with a girl a friend sets you up with. Then you aren't alone, relying on either your date or you to keep up all the conversation. One more thing. Don't expect everything to work out in the first week you're at school. There will be enough going on that's new and different. Take time to acclimate yourself before adding pressure to date. Good luck.

Dee: What she said.

And this. If you'd gone to VMI like Jack did, you'd have had all the dates in the world because everyone knows guys in uniform are nigh impossible to resist. Or at least, that's what Jack kept telling me.

If Music Be the Food of Love...forget it

Q: This may seem like a small problem but my woman and I don't like the same music. At all. I think she's cool in most ways. I mean, she's smart and funny and hot as hell. She tears the sheets up in bed. But I can't stand to be in a car with her. The woman listens to COUNTRY music. Who would think such a hot chick would like music that makes me want to hurl?? If a tune isn't blowing out the speakers with rock guitar, it ain't music, but I can't convince her. She changes the station as soon as we get in my car, and bitches if I tune in my favorite station in hers. More than that, we can't ever go out to nightclubs, concerts or bars because we can't agree on the music style. Is this a deal breaker?

Anne: Different strokes for different folks. You can try to compromise by keeping the station on her choice in her car and your choice in yours, or you could agree you not to listen to music when you're in the car. As for going out, maybe you should both try something new together like jazz or popular. Give and take is the basis for any relationship. Maybe it seems to you it's all give on your part. I think she might feel it's all on her to give. The two of you need to decide how important music is in your lives.

Dee: I hate to tell you, but "…blowing out the speakers" and "tune" are mutually exclusive terms. If God blessed the woman with looks, brains, humor, a healthy sex drive and (evidently) patience since she's dating you, why is she wasting precious time with someone who wonders if her taste in music is a "deal breaker??" Come on, Dude! She should run, not walk, to the nearest country music concert and find a hottie who knows good music--and a good woman--when he comes across it.

Since you don't like country, here's an oldie group who's playing something just for you: Three Dog Night, One is the Loneliest Number. Is that a deal breaker for you?

Family Moochers

Q: Dee and Anne, I write this note pissed as hell. Every month my husband and I go out to dinner with his sister and her husband. What started a couple of years ago as a fun way to get together regularly has become an infuriating evening for me. My brother-in-law finds ways every month to pass the check off on us. He has laughingly come up with "days" like Brother-in-law Day, Favorite Carpenter Day (he's a carpenter) and so on. When we go to cafeterias, he says he'll decide on a great table, which finagles his way to the front of the group. Of course, his food goes onto our ticket. My sister-in-law is oblivious to what's going on, and my husband just shrugs his shoulders. He says we make more money than the two of them. In reality, he just doesn't want to rock the boat. Okay, so we do make more. That shouldn't be a reason to push those evenings onto us. How can I bring this up without making everyone mad?

Anne: I don't think you can bring it up without upsetting the rest of the group. I know it isn't right, but they're really your husband's sister and brother-in-law. If he isn't upset, maybe you shouldn't be, either. Choose less expensive places to eat and try to enjoy the time you have together. I can almost guarantee if you make this into an issue, feelings will be hurt and you won't be spending any more evenings out together. You need to decide, how important is being with family?

Dee: Here's the deal. Your husband doesn't mind that you all are getting stuck with the nights out. So suck it up. And get real. If you're going to cafeterias for some of your meals, then it's not like you're spending hundreds of dollars on French wine or anything.

Look, lady, it sounds like the only one getting ulcers in this group is you. What does that tell you?