NOT Brotherly Love

Q: I'm so embarrassed I can't believe I'm even writing you. My problem is, my brother—who is three years older than I am and a senior in high school—has been having sex with me. It started a couple of years ago when he accidentally walked in on me when I was showering. Shortly after, he found ways to brush against me. When we were home alone he would corner me and kiss me, and then touch me, until one night when my parents were out at a party, he sneaked into my room and actually had sex with me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit him and make him go away, I wanted to throw up, but instead I froze. It was my first time and I cried a lot for days, so much that my mom said I looked awful and wanted to take me to the doctor. Privately my brother said if I turned him in he'd make me sorry—and since I didn't scream or fight him, no one would believe I wasn't willing. From somewhere he found birth control pills and had me take them. After that, he took me whenever and wherever he could. The worst thing is, I have orgasms, so part of me must like what he does. I feel dirty and used. I want to kill myself. What can I do?


Anne: Immediately get help. Tell your parents, talk to a school nurse or your minister or counselor. DO NOT WAIT! Forget the embarrassment. What happened is not your fault—in fact most sexual abuse is done by someone the abused person knows. You won't be the first girl to have to tell on your brother. He played on your fears to have his way.


I am serious—find someone to talk to right away. Dee and I are not qualified in this kind of situation to recommend more than that.


Dee: Your brother raped you, nothing less. He could (and should) go to jail for what he's doing, especially since you were a child when he started and you’re still underage. You must tell someone what's been happening. Do not waste any time doing so.


If you can't bring yourself to talk to someone you know, there are online organizations that could help: http://www.stopitnow.org/ or http://www.protect.org/home. But it would be best if your parents knew or a teacher or someone locally who could remove you from your situation. Please write back and let us know that you found help.

Dream Lover

Q: I am a grown woman—well past childhood. But I have the biggest crush on a TV star. I won't say who it is, but he's on one of the CSI shows. Oh my God, I think of him all the time. I imagine him kissing me and running his hands all over my body while he tongues my nipples. I've never seen him naked, but I can picture him, erect and hard. I daydream about kneeling before him and sucking him off until he comes in my mouth. Worst, when my husband and I have sex, it's my dream man I feel pushing into me and I come harder than ever before. I know—I know—this kind of delusion is childish, but I can't seem to get past it. What can I do? I feel myself pulling away from my husband and daydreaming more about my Star Man.

Anne: I think this is more an issue between you and your husband. Something is wrong and you've substituted a safe lover for the man with whom you're having trouble. Get counseling before your daydreams ruin your marriage.

Dee: Wow! I had to take a break and sip something cold before I could sit still long enough to type.

There's nothing wrong with daydreaming a secret lover now and then. We all have fantasies. But you have to know the difference between fucking a dream and fucking the man you've said you would spend your real life with. If you are confused about that, it's time to step back and reevaluate—maybe with a marriage counselor.