Happy Thanksgiving

Anne and I hope each of you is enjoying a wonderful, safe, blessed holiday with your family, friends and other loved ones--as we are. See you right back here next week.

Thanksgiving Traditions

Q: My husband insists that I make Thanksgiving dinner exactly as his mother always did when he was growing up. That means only turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, that Campbell's green bean casserole, rolls and pumpkin pie for dessert. For twenty-two years I've humored him because we always hosted the family holidays and it seemed so damn important. But this year we are by ourselves. I don't see the need of preparing all that food for just the two of us. Plus, for all of those years, he played host while I managed all the kitchen chores—preparation, cooking and roasting and baking, and clean-up, with help from the other women in the family. I have been looking forward to the years when I could enjoy the holidays as much as he always seems to, and this is it. However, again he's insisting that we have the full-court meal. We can freeze leftovers, he says, and besides, it's "tradition." I'd like to tradition him. How can I convince him I can be very thankful not to have to prepare the meal this year?

Anne: Give him this letter you just sent us. Maybe it will open his eyes. Out of curiosity, what are the rest of the family doing this year? Maybe you can join them?

Dee: Thanksgiving is about more than the fucking turkey. Tell him he can all he wants of whatever traditional meal by taking you to Picadilly Cafeteria (or restaurant of your choice). Then you'll both enjoy the dinner.

Thanksgiving Embarrassment

Q: I live with my boyfriend, which my parents don't know. He wants us to invite both of our families to the house for Thanksgiving. I would rather not since I don't want to advertise the fact that we're cohabitating. What should I do?

Anne: Tell your boyfriend you're uncomfortable—not embarrassed (unless that's true? In which case I'd advise moving to your own place), but unwilling to rub it in your parents' faces that you are living with someone you're not married to. Then plan to go home.

Dee: How about his parents? Would you feel differently if it was just his parents coming to dinner and not yours? If so, you should re-evaluate why you've decided to live in a situation that obviously embarrasses you. If I'm wrong and you are not embarrassed, you need to explain your living conditions to your parents before inviting them to the house. However, your note makes me thing of the old adage: Don't do the time if you can't do the time. Change it to: If you fuck and then you blush, to playing house you should not rush. Take a long, hard look at your feelings about living with the boyfriend before you imagine how your folks will feel.

Giving Thanks Without the Family

Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He's funny. smart and successful. All my friends tell me how cute he is and the sex is great. The thing is, three years of dating for an adult is a long time. He's not only never talked about marriage or any serious commitment. he's never even taken me home to meet his family. Not for anything—birthdays, weddings, holidays, nothing. We meet up with his friends and mine to do things but don't you think it's strange that he wouldn't invite me to anything where his family is involved? They live less than 40 miles away, and even if his parents come into town for dinner or his brother comes for a ballgame, it's always without me. Do you think that means anything? The latest "miss" was last week. He went to his folks' for Thanksgiving and I stayed here in town for the holiday alone.

Anne: It definitely sounds as though he's not ready for a commitment. You have to make up your mind if going along as you are is a deal breaker or not. If you're ready to settle down and want much more, you need to tell him straight out and see what he says. If he still indicates he's not ready, maybe you need to free yourself to look for someone who is.

Dee: You can stick a fork in him, but he's not ready. Stop screwing this turkey and find someone new to gobble.

Thankful Thursday

Hello, all,

Anne here. Dee and I are taking the week off to give thanks. I'm thankful that we have wonderful family and friends, though they're far away. Dee says she's especially grateful for long lasting batteries and something called the Clitinator. (What in the world…?)

Anyway, we're both thankful for the love of a good man, that we live in a great country and that we have great, fine, wonderful men and women of the military who are willing to sacrifice in order to protect us. There will never be thanks enough for them and their families.

And we're very grateful for all of you, our readers and our books. Thank you!

We hope your holiday is safe and blessed.
Anne (and Dee)

In-laws Thanksgiving...Again

Q: Oh goody, another Thanksgiving at my in-laws. My wife is the only girl in a family of five boys, so we get roped into spending the holiday there every year so she can help her mom. We live a mere hundred miles away, but the brothers all live closer by more than half the distance. Mind you, the daughters-in-law (there are four of them) don't have to show up every year, or go early to help prepare. By the end of the day, my wife is frazzled, exhausted and cranky. You know what that means: no sex for me that night, something for which I'd be very grateful. Her mom goes crazy over family holidays, so my wife can't find a way to tell her mom she doesn't want to keep on doing this. I'm just sick and tired of having my Thanksgiving being the only thing getting fucked. What's a man to do?

Anne: Gosh, seems like every year we have several letters about holidays and families. Your problem is not uncommon. Try talking to your father-in-law and see if he's any help. Or talk to your mother-in-law if you have good rapport with her. Invite everyone to your house one year, or suggest a family holiday but at a good restaurant. A lot of places prepare holiday dinners to pick up. Suggest you bring in dinner, which will greatly minimize the prep time, leaving your wife with more energy for bedtime pleasures.

Dee: May I ask, what the hell is wrong with you doing something to alleviate the problem? If your wife really doesn't want to keep being cook and chief bottle washer but she doesn't want to disappoint her mom, grow a pair and take matters into your own hands. Make vacation reservations somewhere and let the family know that there will be two fewer at the table next Thanksgiving. Your wife shouldn't be the bad cop here--this is her mother. Be an alpha guy and take charge. Treat her and yourself at the same time.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!