Vibrators 101

Q: What's the difference in vibrators? Are the biggest ones the best?

Anne: Having never used a vibrator, I'm afraid I can't help you. I'm sure there are sites online that will describe the various models.

Dee: Unlike Sis, I've used many different vibrators. The biggest is not necessarily the best, I can tell you that. Make sure you find a size and style that suits you. The largest unit might hurt or not fit comfortably unless you lubricate it well. Wherever you buy the unit will also sell lube, so don't forget it. Also remember to buy something specifically designed to clean your unit—different styles use different cleaners.

You'll get lots of information from my favorite sex toy site, Adam and Eve. Right now they're featuring a G-spot vibrator, and they offer a picture explanation of where the G-spot is. But they also sell large and smaller vibrators with a skin-like covering, glass units that can be chilled and warmed before use (chilling gives a whole new exciting sensation), eggs that vibrate (all I can say is, wow!), and rabbit styles, some made of gel that I don't particularly find comfortable, but they also feature an additional appendage that vibrates the clitoris while the main part stimulates the vagina. Pussy and clit stimulation together can't be beat!

But, it all comes down to what you find comfortable. Browse Adam and Eve and other sites, read the reviews, and then pick something to try. There is no right or wrong unless what you try doesn't feel good.

The Eggs of Easter

Q: This is embarrassing to talk about, but I need advice. My boyfriend gave me an egg for Easter. To tell the truth, I don't have the faintest idea of what to do with it. Help!!

Anne: Is it a colored egg? We always used to eat them… Or is it one of those blown out, decorative eggs? They're pretty. If it falls outside those realms. I don't know, either.

Dee: Lucky you! The last egg I got from Adam and Eve sends me into orbit after only a few seconds of use. So here are a few suggestions. If it's remote controlled, plan an evening out. Dress up. Insert the egg, right about at your G-spot and make sure you hold it there—maybe with a thong if you wear them or by keeping your thighs tight, which actually increases the pleasure. Then present your boyfriend with the controller. Believe me, he will surprise you lots during your evening. and at the most delicious times. You will get a thrill and so will he, watching your reaction.

Or let him have control while you're in bed. Let him tease your pussy and clit. I'll bet that when you're good and wet he'll finish the job of bringing you to orgasm himself.

Last, the egg is great for those horny moments alone. Use your wildest fantasy and touch the vibrating egg to your clit. In no time at all you'll be smiling. The egg is one of my very favorite sex toys! Hope you enjoy yours as much.

Anne: Good heavens!

Appreciating Each and Every Minute

Q: Last week, when coming out of the grocery store, I stopped to help an elderly man lift his groceries in the trunk of his car. He started talking and I couldn't help but listen as he explained that his wife of 48 years had recently died. He said he hadn't been the best of husband's but that came home to him when going through his wife's things. Back in the closet he found a box. Inside, a dress was neatly folded. He didn't remember the dress, he said, or even the date written on a yellowed sheet of paper laying on top. "December 20, 1959. I wore this dress to the Sanford Christmas part and David said I looked beautiful." With tears shimmering in his eyes, he told me he didn't remember telling his wife that she was beautiful. In fact, he was sure he hadn't paid her enough loving attention for most of their marriage, and now he regretted that every day. I can't get the man out of my mind. I've tried to think of the last time my husband told me I was beautiful or when I last complimented him. How can I get it across that our time on Earth is finite, and we should appreciate every second with the ones we love?

Anne: What a touching and beautiful story. Of course, you can always tell him you love him, but what about finding new ways to say it? Cook or bake something he loves once a week. Tuck notes in his lunch that let him know you're thinking of him. Plan a day to do whatever he wants—even if it's nothing, or watching a ballgame on TV. Hold his hand. Smile. Flirt. I hope whatever you do works.

Dee: Well, of course I also thought of doing things he likes but my mind ran in a different direction. Fix a dinner he likes—and include an aphrodisiac, like oysters or chocolate. Plan an evening out to somewhere he wants to go—and let him know you're not wearing panties. Hold his hand—and when you're in a private spot (or semi-private?), place it over your breast. Or put your hand over his cock beneath the drape of a tablecloth. Give him a blowjob when he's least expecting it. Buy something new and special at Adam and Eve, or if you're able, plan a weekend to a Sybaris resort. Telling him that you should appreciate your time together is always more special with a little fucking to frost the cake. Have fun getting your message across!

Thankful Thursday

Hello, all,

Anne here. Dee and I are taking the week off to give thanks. I'm thankful that we have wonderful family and friends, though they're far away. Dee says she's especially grateful for long lasting batteries and something called the Clitinator. (What in the world…?)

Anyway, we're both thankful for the love of a good man, that we live in a great country and that we have great, fine, wonderful men and women of the military who are willing to sacrifice in order to protect us. There will never be thanks enough for them and their families.

And we're very grateful for all of you, our readers and our books. Thank you!

We hope your holiday is safe and blessed.
Anne (and Dee)

Getting a Little in the End

Q: My husband likes anal sex. I'm not crazy about it, but I want to please him in a special way every now and then. I feel I should know more about it, though. What should I know that I don't know to ask?

Anne: Hygiene is everything. Make sure you stay clean and that your husband cleans his … you know before and after anal sex. And now you know as much as I do about that form of sex. Sis…?

Dee: Anne is right, cleanliness is next to godliness when it comes to taking it in the backdoor—although the Almighty might not like being associated with anal sex. That applies to you, too. Make sure you've evacuated yourself before the big event. (Yes, that means just what it sounds like. Having a gentle shit isn't good enough. Sacrifice for the greater good.)

Wikipedia has an article on anal sex with pictures and all (not for viewing during work, I might add). It's not full of info, but will let you see that the practice isn't so perverse. In other words, your husband isn't alone in his desire for it. (By the way, did you know Wikipedia also has a site for sexual positions? It's like a mini, Kama Sutra online.) There are other sites, like Sextutor, Babeland and Freddy and Eddy.

In addition to being hygienic, the next most important factor—especially for you—is to use a good lubricant. The anus doesn't naturally have much secretion to ease penetration, so tell your hubby to use a good cream or gel designed for the anus. You can find them at any sex shop or site, like Adam and Eve. Without being well lubricated, you're likely to experience pain, and that's not the purpose of sex between two consenting adults.

Start easy and work your way up. This is one time when foreplay is really vital. Have your husband finger you first, gradually working his fingers in and stretching you before he actually penetrates you. That should be fun for him as well as stimulating for you.

Explore anal sex toys. The variety will knock you on your ass—no pun intended. If you find you enjoy the act, maybe you'd like to try a butt plug so you'll be more available, so to speak. Or an anal dildo, which is shorter than the regular one. These are also good ways for hubby to prepare you for what he has to offer, which hopefully will bring you the same amount of pleasure he gets from this sex act. Good luck and enjoy!

Virgin No More?

Q: I am nineteen and still a virgin. I'm determined to fix that. However, I don't really have a boyfriend and I'd prefer not to just grab someone off the street. Is there a sex toy I can use?

Anne: What in the world are you thinking??!!? Why are you determined to give up your virginity? Is your hymen hurting you, vexing you, embarrassing you? No! It's just sitting there, secretly waiting for the right time, the right person to come along. Leave it alone until you find a man you love and want to share the experience with.

A sex toy! Of all the silly questions.

Dee: I agree with Anne although for different reasons. Sure, you can buy a dildo and technically end your virginal state. But I think doing the deed yourself would be very hard. Bring a friend if you decide to go that route, keeping in mind a guy would most likely choose to help in a more personal manner. My advice is do not attempt this at home.

Personally, I think there's nothing like the feel of a real man. Nothing like the stroke of his fingers up your leg, or his knee nudging yours apart. A dildo won't make your breath hitch like feeling a man's weight, or the wetness of his cock on your thigh, or his hot kisses trailing along your jaw to your neck and nipples. And when a man penetrates you, filling you, stretching you, heating you from the inside out, you'll know no dildo could ever do the job right. Don't forget, there's likely to be pain involved in breaking your hymen. A man will take you past that, letting you know why you went to all the trouble. Trust me on this.

Where the hell is Jack??

Sex Toys with Discretion?

Q: I want to surprise my husband with something new and different. There is a sex toy store next to a truck stop on the edge of town, but I'm afraid to go in there. What is someone sees me? I know I can order online, but I'd like to see whatever I buy in person. I know next to nothing. Discretion is really important…I'm the Methodist minister's wife.

Anne: I understand your need for discretion, so I would advise not going to the store. You never know who's watching. Take a good look online. Read the reviews and comments. I think some of them also have a place where you can write and ask questions, so you might want to use that. If it's too hard, maybe you should plan to go away for a few days instead of trying to buy something?

Dee: Congratulations on wanting to add some spice to your marriage. If more people did that, fewer marriages would fail.

This is what you do: check out adamandeve.com or one of the other sex toy sites. Then Google the toy that interests you and see if your questions are answered. Start with something simple that would interest you both--maybe a dildo or an egg with a remote control. Read reviews/comments. Call the store near you if you don't want to go there. I'm sure they will be glad to answer questions.

If you do find a day or two to get away, try to make it someplace special and romantic like Sybaris, or a nice B&B.

Good luck!

52" Anniversary Boondoggle

Q: My husband wants to buy a 52-inch-screen TV with all the bells and whistles for our anniversary. That will run around $2,500. I want to celebrate our 10-year anniversary with a week's trip to a romantic location. He won't budge. What does that say about how he feels for me?

Anne: Nothing. It says he wants a big TV. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If that's the only reason you think he cares little for you, step back and take a deep breath. Maybe he just doesn't like to travel…?

Dee: Give the poor bastard a break. So he likes to watch sports (or whatever) on a huge screen. Instead of arguing the point, use the TV in other ways. Invest in a few well-chosen adult films. Hubby will pant over Asia Carrera and you can swoon over seeing all of Evan Stone in 52" HD. Compromise with a weekend away someplace closer to home, Sybaris in Chicago-land or some Sybaris-like place near you. Add a couple of favorite sex toys, and the big TV purchase will seem like a treat instead of a lost argument.


Anne and I would like to thank all our men and women currently serving in the military or who have served in the past. Have a safe and happy Memorial Day.

Birthday in Buffalo

Q: Last year I gave my girlfriend a sexy nightgown for her birthday and received a lecture on how I buy things for me instead of for her, whatever that means. Women's logic makes no sense to me. Anyway, she didn't wear the nightgown for a good long time but when she did, she was smokin' and we had the greatest sex we'd had in months. I want that again, so I found another, tiny little scrap of a nightgown and bought it, even though it set me back a week's salary. The thing is, I don't want another lecture or any more backward philosophy about how I don't care about her wants and needs. I satisfied her needs pretty damn well when she finally gave in and wore what I gave her. Any advice?

Anne: First off, what your girlfriend meant was that you bought the nightgown because you wanted to see her in it, not because you thought she would like to wear it. Women want a man to think of them and their wants and needs, not the man's. Maybe she would like something not quite so sexy, something she would be comfortable in, not just sexy in. Buying something that suits her desires shows you're thinking of her and not just yourself. Even if you did have a good night when she wore the gown, she still knows your mind focused on what you wanted to see her wearing, not what she wanted to wear. It's a fine distinction, but if you put your mind to it I'm sure you will understand.

I wish you hadn't already bought the nightgown this year--which, by the way means you didn't listen very well last year--but since you have, I'd say combine it with something else, something you know she wants. Maybe jewelry or flowers or a special perfume she has mentioned? Next year, perhaps you should ask her for suggestions. Let her buy the sexy gown to surprise you on your birthday.

Dee: Yeah, you should try to give her something she wants and not just what you want. But you want sex and if she's still with you, so does she. I'd say kick it up a notch, but not as a birthday gift, as an adjunct gift. Start off with some mind-blowing foreplay and then present her with the gown.

For that mind-blowing foreplay, take a look at Adam and Eve for a few suggestions. Try an egg vibrator--small but powerful. Or a G-spot stimulator--sure to bring pleasure. Or how about a finger vibrator? That way you're a part of the action. Once you have her interest, present her with the nightie to enhance what you've already started. The problem last year is, you wanted her to wear the nightgown as your foreplay, and she wants more than your cock growing hard, she wants some excitement, too.


Or maybe give her a nightgown as part of a romantic weekend away, like at Sybaris or someplace near you that specializes in dark corners and quiet rooms. The trick here is combining the sex with romance.

True, it's better to give the birthday person something they want. But flowers die, candy is cliché, and jewelry should be saved for when you really need to make-up. A finger vibrator lasts a long time past the birthday and it's a team sport. When she kicks your sorry ass out, it's the gift that keeps on giving when she's alone, too. What more can a woman ask for?

Boathouse Virginity

Q: I'm a decent, church-going woman. I'm not young, but I haven't exactly hit middle age yet, either. I'm not married and am a little embarrassed to say I've never let a man get passed third base--and that was a long time ago. Until the company picnic a couple of weeks ago, that is. I was sitting off by the river minding my own business and drinking a Coke when a man (I'll call him Henry) joined me. He was drinking beer, and I could tell he'd had quite a few before he came to sit with me. I didn't mind--I've always liked Henry and thought he was handsome. We could hear the sounds of the softball game and the kids' races, but after we'd talked a few minutes, it all seemed far off. Then Henry kissed me, a deep kiss, and I felt something low in my stomach I'd never felt. Before I knew it, Henry had led me into the boathouse and we had sex. When we were there, I wanted it, really wanted it. But now, after two weeks, I don't know. Henry hardly speaks to me, a few people have stopped talking when I come into the room, and (worst of all) he's married, and to a very nice woman. What can I do? I ruined my reputation and good name all in one afternoon.

Anne: Unfortunately, having sex is not a bell you can unring. But take some heart in knowing you aren't the first woman--or the last--to have an encounter at a company function. It's probably not how you thought you might lose your virginity, but you know what? it's no reason to hang your head, either. I say act like nothing happened--Henry seems to be able to. Hold your head up. What happened is no reflection on your being a decent person. If you associate with decent people, they should see that.

Dee: Under normal circumstances, I'd say you were the one not drinking so you should have controlled things better. But the fact that you were pretty inexperienced (do they even say "get past third base' anymore??) means I'll give you a pass. I'm also going to assume you know for sure your little escapade didn't result in a baby. So let's just deal with the sexual side of things. Did you enjoy the sex? Is that what you regret or is it thinking other people know? Did Henry speak to you much before the picnic, or are you letting guilt color his actions now?

If you enjoyed fucking, then there's no reason why you shouldn't do it again. Not with married, sonuvabitch Henry, but with someone else. If marriage isn't what you're looking for, maybe you have a single friend who would like to become a FWB - Friend With Benefits. There's no reason to stay celibate in this day and age. Not that I'm recommending promiscuity, but a girl does have needs.

But, know what you're getting into. Make sure you're prepared with condoms in case the guy isn't, and take care not to get pregnant or contract an STD. Do not believe a man if he says he's had a vasectomy or that he's clean. Use protection at all times. Touch yourself. Order a vibrator online and find out what you like and what turns you on. Never agree to do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. On the other hand, there's more to life than the missionary position, so be open to new things.

You have nothing to feel bad about except maybe the wife. My advice: stay as far away from married men as possible. You fucked up once unexpectedly (pun intended), but you're asking for trouble if you let it happen again. Good luck!

Ben Wa what?

Q: I just heard from my husband that my sister in law was told by her GYN to purchase ben wa balls. My husband says her husband is thrilled and that their sex since then has been explosive. Now he wants me to get some. What are they, anyway?

Anne: Ben Wa balls have been used for centuries to stimulate a woman sexually. Taoists believed a man gained health and a longer life by absorbing energy created during sex. Part of the practice involved making sure the woman also had satisfaction…though the woman was unimportant enough not to gain long life from the act.

Ben Wa balls, connected with silk ribbons, were inserted into a woman's vagina and held there. With each movement, her inner passage was stimulated, kind of like a sexual buzz.Aside from that, holding the balls inside strengthens the Kegel muscles, which can enhance the man's pleasure during sex. And aside from that, because let's face it, men get plenty enough pleasure from sex, strengthening those muscles can reduce or eliminate involuntary incontinence. I suspect that's the reason your sis-in-law's gynecologist suggested she try the things.


Dee: Yeah, that peeing when you sneeze thing is a bitch. But let's not underestimate the real purpose of the Ben Wa balls, which is to heighten sexual pleasure. Slide a couple of these gems in your puss-puss and wear them during the day. Every move you make they slip a little, turn a little. Some balls have a trinket or ball bearings inside, making stimulation is even stronger. And here's the kicker. No one but you (or your lover) knows what kinky little thing is going on under your skirt or slacks! There are also vibrating Ben Wa balls, great for fun at home on your own or during sex, when you both get a little buzz.

As far as I'm concerned, these are the second best balls to play with. What's first? Ask Jack.

* Photos from Adam & Eve

Scared of Fakes

Q: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have three kids that keep us pretty busy, but we manage to have sex fairly regularly, and it's pretty good. However, about a month ago, he ordered a dildo from some online company, and he wants me to use it while he watches. I'm uncomfortable doing this. What's wrong with what we've been doing?? I told him no, and he accepts it but I can tell he's disappointed. In fact, we haven't had sex since then. Was I wrong?

Anne: I can see that you're uneasy about this, but every marriage needs attention. It sounds as though your husband doesn't think he's getting enough, and with three children, it is hard to find time for yourselves. There's no harm in spicing things up a bit. If you're uncomfortable with the sex toy, maybe you could try some sexy lingerie. Or send the kids off for the night and have sex in a different room than the bedroom. You don't have to go over the edge to add some spice to your sex life.

Dee: Good grief, Anne. You think using a dildo is going over the edge? I'd say maybe using a butt plug or strap on might be a little far for novices, but a dildo??

Okay, Ms. Scared of Fakes, why did your husband buy the dildo? I suspect it's because you have sex "fairly regularly" and it's "pretty good." Men might put up with pretty good sex, fairly regularly, but what they want is explosive sex, often. So embrace this hint by hubby that he's interested in a change. There's no need to be afraid--Mr. Dildo can be your friend. Here's what you do.

Did hubby buy a cleaner for the dildo? If so, follow directions to clean and dry it (if not, use a mild hand soap). (Don't get the battery compartment wet if it has one.) Is it a vibrator? Make sure it has batteries. Then… Prop pillows in the center of the bed. When you're ready, turn the lights down low--not out, because the whole purpose here is to watch you. Turn TV off!! Make sure the bedroom door is secured so kiddies don't wander in, and prop yourself on the pillows, preferably naked. Tell hubby to make himself comfortable. If there is lubricant, ask him to squirt a tiny bit on the tip of the dildo. Then gently rub it over your labia and clitoris. If there's vibration, turn it on low until you start to feel the effects--and believe me, you will! If you're embarrassed, close your eyes and take a deep breath. This is just you and the man you love--he's seen you before, right?

Before you know it. you'll be wet and anxious to insert the dildo into your pussy. If your puss-puss is hard to reach, ask hubby to help--he'll love it. Rub your breasts and pay attention to your nipples. Don't be surprised if he doesn't join in by this time. Ask him to lick your breasts or kiss your stomach. Tell him to rub his finger along the dildo and see how wet you are. Tell him you want him to fuck you--talk dirty. Most guys love it.

When you're "competed" (and you know what I mean), be sure to wash the dildo (being careful not to submerge it if it has batteries). The next day, order a pair of fur-lined handcuffs as a surprise for your husband. I see this as a whole new world of sexual exploration you'll find very rewarding if you stop being afraid.

* Graphics from my favorite sex toy shop, Adam and Eve

Needs a Break From Sex

Q: This might seem like a strange question, but I’m a normal, healthy male who likes sex. However, my girlfriend really likes sex. She wants it all the time, in all kinds of ways, in all kinds of places. I’m a guy, not a sex object or a machine. What should I do?

Anne: Don’t feel bad about asking the question. I imagine there are many men reading this who have the same concerns. Listen, sex is a very important part of any relationship and something people must be compatible on. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her you’re uncomfortable with her excessive appetite for sex. If you two can’t find a meeting ground on this subject, I fear you’re heading for trouble in the long run.

Dee: Hmmm. Let me get this straight. You are a guy (I’ll take your word on it, I suppose). Your girlfriend likes to have more sex than you do (I’m still taking your word that you’re a guy). And, the little minx likes it different ways and locations and all the time, which makes you uncomfortable. You sure you’re a guy? Please send us the address of your girlfriend because I’m sure there are a gazillion other guys who’d be happy to get to know her and thus resolve your issue.

By the way, have you tried anything new and different in your sex life lately? A little doggy action, a bit of panty rubbing under the table at the restaurant? Maybe a remote-controlled egg when you’re out for the evening?

I’d advise the two of you to browse a few virtual pages of adamandeve.com and see if anything strikes your fancy. Maybe her desire to spice up the relationship is just that, a need to shake things up a bit. All I know is, if you don’t do something to satisfy this woman, you not only won’t be a sex machine, you’ll be nobody’s sex object. I mean, just saying.