Q: I'm eighteen and old enough to know my own mind. I'll start off with that. My sister, twenty-four is engaged to a man I'm in love with. From the moment I saw him I knew he was the man for me. He's twenty-six, smart, handsome and sexy as hell. A few weeks ago we found ourselves alone and I flirted a little. Before I knew it, we were kissing. He touched me in places no one else ever has and I he let me give him head. Since then, we've had to be careful around others, but we've had the chance to kiss and fondle without anyone knowing. I decided not to go to college, choosing to work instead. He's finishing up his Ph.D. in psychology, and could use a wife willing and able to help support the household until he gets on his feet. My sister wants to stay at home and start having kids. We went shopping for her wedding dress last week and as soon as I saw her in bridal white I knew it should be me walking down the aisle instead. How do I tell her with the least amount of drama?
Anne: I respect that you are working instead of going to college if that's what you want, but here are a few words you might need to look up: fidelity, trust, loyalty, sister, love. Or how about SANITY? I mean really. You flirted with your sister's fiancé, had sex with him and then continued finding ways to cheat with him behind her back. As despicable as I find his behavior, he's an outsider. You're family. She can get rid of the jerk (and should), but she's stuck with you. More's the pity. Here's my advice: Back off, little girl. Keep your hands (and mouth) off your sister's man. And if you really want to do some good, find some way to let her know what a scumbag she's about to marry before it's too late.
Dee: Well, damn. I sure hope you received some compensation for the blow job(s) you gave Asshole because otherwise you're going to be left shit out of luck when this little cluster fuck becomes known. And believe me, it will come out, if not from you to your sister, then from him or someone else. There's no such thing as the perfect secret, don't you know? And if you pointedly explain to your sister how you deserve Asshole more than she does (and I happen to agree about that), you'll lose Asshole and your sister. In fact, I'd be surprised if you were invited to Thanksgiving dinners if you do that.
This is my advice to you: keep your mouth closed from now on, mostly when Asshole has his zipper open. Stay away from him and grow up. The only man in the world you're interested in is the one guy your sister supposedly loves? To me that speaks more of sibling rivalry than a true feeling on your part. Come to grips with the fact that he's eight years older than you and studying psychology, a surefire way to find out how to manipulate people, especially immature, younger sisters who are willing to suck cock. Stop being an idiot and remember your sister is your sister forever. Assholes come and go. Trust me when I say that as soon as you tell your sister that you love her man—and he loves you back—you'll lose her trust and love and he'll drop you like an STD.
And oh yeah, talk with someone and determine how to warn your sister that Asshole is just that. If you continue on this path and/or let her marry him when you know what kind of man he really is, you'll make sin even worse.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, October 12, 2009
Men in Uniform--Who Can Resist?
Q: I'm attending school in Norfolk, Virginia as a freshman. I live in Kansas and have a steady boyfriend who's going to Kansas State. He says he's staying true to me and I believe him. However, I'm almost to the point where I can't keep saying the same to him. I'm surrounded my military guys all the time, and what they say about a man looking good in uniform is so true. I've made friends with a couple of really nice men, a sailor and a marine. So far we've just gone out as part of a gang, but I'm really attracted to both guys and they've indicated they're attracted to me, too. What should I do? I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, and I don't want to cheat, but I feel myself weakening.
Anne: Long distance relationships are very hard. If you and your boyfriend pledged to stay faithful, then you have to try hard to do so. Freshman year is difficult and you're far from home. Take stock of what you really want and truly feel. If it's your boyfriend, hang tough even though you might be lonely. Don't give into the thrill of a quick romance with a virtual stranger who might be at a distance himself in a month or so.
Dee: Going away to school is only a little about getting a good education. Heck, you could have done that much closer to home. It's mostly about seeing new horizons and finding out about life. I am NOT recommending experimenting with sex drugs and alcohol, but I am saying that being in a new place among new people is part of discovering what you want out of life. You and your boyfriend should be dating, learning about other people and finding out your true feelings. If you love each other, it'll come through even after dating others. This is no time to tie yourself down to one person or place. Just be sure not to do anything harmful or that you'll regret. This isn't a time to go wild, just spread your wings in a new segment of your life.
By the way, Anne and I are also here among the uniformed men of the US military, and all I can say is hubba-hubba.
Anne: Long distance relationships are very hard. If you and your boyfriend pledged to stay faithful, then you have to try hard to do so. Freshman year is difficult and you're far from home. Take stock of what you really want and truly feel. If it's your boyfriend, hang tough even though you might be lonely. Don't give into the thrill of a quick romance with a virtual stranger who might be at a distance himself in a month or so.
Dee: Going away to school is only a little about getting a good education. Heck, you could have done that much closer to home. It's mostly about seeing new horizons and finding out about life. I am NOT recommending experimenting with sex drugs and alcohol, but I am saying that being in a new place among new people is part of discovering what you want out of life. You and your boyfriend should be dating, learning about other people and finding out your true feelings. If you love each other, it'll come through even after dating others. This is no time to tie yourself down to one person or place. Just be sure not to do anything harmful or that you'll regret. This isn't a time to go wild, just spread your wings in a new segment of your life.
By the way, Anne and I are also here among the uniformed men of the US military, and all I can say is hubba-hubba.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
To Easter Bunny or Not To Easter Bunny?
Q: I had to write immediately because I’m so steamed. My husband, four-year-old son and I went to my mother-in-law’s for Easter dinner. This is the first holiday we’ve shared with them because we’ve been overseas since before our son was born. While there, my sister-in-law’s twelve-year-old told my son that there is no Easter Bunny. My son said yes there was—he’d just received a basket of goodies that morning, whereupon my nephew told my little boy that his parents are liars. He taunted my child until he cried uncontrollably and we had to leave. My sister-in-law refused to discipline her kid, and worse, after we finally calmed our little guy down enough to nap—with his big, furry stuffed Easter Bunny he just got today—my husband admitted he wasn’t upset.
He said when he was growing up his parents didn’t lie to him and his sister about fictional creatures like Santa or the Easter Bunny. He said he’s only been humoring me because he knew it was important to me, but now that the facts are out in the open it won’t hurt. I understand the religious significance of the day, but see no harm in a little fantasy. I’m furious, both over the incident and with my husband’s attitude. I don’t even want our son around his family, now.
Anne: Well, sorry, but you can’t very well keep your child away from his grandparents and other relatives. But I would explain to them that this is your son, and they need to respect your methods of raising him. It’s a shame this happened, but children have short memories. I’ll bet next year he’ll be looking for that basket again, oblivious to this morning’s trauma. Dee looked for baskets until she was well into her teens…
Dee: Yes, I still look for baskets at Easter. But it all started when a certain twin stole my baskets when we were children. I therefore became deprived. It was but a short leap to depraved, and I became the erotic romance writer I am today.
Now for my advice. Screw your sister-in-law and the horse she rode in on. If she doesn’t want child-rearing advice from you, she’d better respect your methods—and that includes explaining to her kid how to behave around a young child. Any twelve-year –old who taunts a four-year-old needs to be knocked upside the head to begin with, in my opinion, and I’ve got a 2x4 handy.
Now excuse me while I go find my missing Peeps.
He said when he was growing up his parents didn’t lie to him and his sister about fictional creatures like Santa or the Easter Bunny. He said he’s only been humoring me because he knew it was important to me, but now that the facts are out in the open it won’t hurt. I understand the religious significance of the day, but see no harm in a little fantasy. I’m furious, both over the incident and with my husband’s attitude. I don’t even want our son around his family, now.
Anne: Well, sorry, but you can’t very well keep your child away from his grandparents and other relatives. But I would explain to them that this is your son, and they need to respect your methods of raising him. It’s a shame this happened, but children have short memories. I’ll bet next year he’ll be looking for that basket again, oblivious to this morning’s trauma. Dee looked for baskets until she was well into her teens…
Dee: Yes, I still look for baskets at Easter. But it all started when a certain twin stole my baskets when we were children. I therefore became deprived. It was but a short leap to depraved, and I became the erotic romance writer I am today.
Now for my advice. Screw your sister-in-law and the horse she rode in on. If she doesn’t want child-rearing advice from you, she’d better respect your methods—and that includes explaining to her kid how to behave around a young child. Any twelve-year –old who taunts a four-year-old needs to be knocked upside the head to begin with, in my opinion, and I’ve got a 2x4 handy.
Now excuse me while I go find my missing Peeps.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
An Innocent Kiss? Um...NOT!
Q: My boyfriend and I attended a New Year’s Eve party at the house of my good friend. We were having a good time and shared a hot kiss when midnight arrived. When it was getting time to go home and I couldn’t find him, I went looking. Yes, you guessed it, I found him and my friend in a very compromising position. Not having sex, but I think they would have if not discovered. My friend’s husband was right in the other room! My boyfriend was obviously embarrassed and upset. He apologized all the way home and protested that he’d had too much to drink. My girlfriend called the next day and told me the same—that she’d had too much to drink, that she’s never done anything like that before and never would again. They both seem so sincere. I hesitated to write about this problem, but I can’t stop thinking about them together. Should I forgive and forget?
Feeling Like a New Year Baby
Anne: You are not a “baby” in this situation. And I’m sure you aren’t alone, either. My advice is to examine your whole relationship, not just what happened on one night. Has your boyfriend ever given you cause to worry before? If he’s been good and faithful other than that one New Year’s Eve, then I think there’s reason enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’d let him know that drinking is not an excuse to behave as though there are no consequences.
As for your friend, I guess the same is true. Has she ever given you cause to distrust her? If not, and since she’s a good friend, maybe you should give her another chance. Everyone has said or done things they regret after mixing good times and alcohol—-maybe even you. So examine your heart and see if you can’t find something to save out of this mess.
Dee: Get real! Since the first fermentation of grapes, men have claimed they wouldn’t have done XXX (insert stupid behavior) if only they hadn’t had too much grog or wine or Cuervo or whatever. It’s a stupid excuse—and one any woman with half a brain should see through. Our mom used to say—-and Anne you should remember this—-that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. In my opinion, that goes for actions, too. Honey, that old goat was doing what he wanted and using the age-old excuse of booze to justify it.
Now as for the woman. If she isn’t a really good friend, find people to hang out with who have your best interests more at heart. But if she is a valued part of your life, I might cut her some slack. There are lots of bottom-feeders in the fish pond but only a few really good girlfriends.
Feeling Like a New Year Baby
Anne: You are not a “baby” in this situation. And I’m sure you aren’t alone, either. My advice is to examine your whole relationship, not just what happened on one night. Has your boyfriend ever given you cause to worry before? If he’s been good and faithful other than that one New Year’s Eve, then I think there’s reason enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’d let him know that drinking is not an excuse to behave as though there are no consequences.
As for your friend, I guess the same is true. Has she ever given you cause to distrust her? If not, and since she’s a good friend, maybe you should give her another chance. Everyone has said or done things they regret after mixing good times and alcohol—-maybe even you. So examine your heart and see if you can’t find something to save out of this mess.
Dee: Get real! Since the first fermentation of grapes, men have claimed they wouldn’t have done XXX (insert stupid behavior) if only they hadn’t had too much grog or wine or Cuervo or whatever. It’s a stupid excuse—and one any woman with half a brain should see through. Our mom used to say—-and Anne you should remember this—-that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. In my opinion, that goes for actions, too. Honey, that old goat was doing what he wanted and using the age-old excuse of booze to justify it.
Now as for the woman. If she isn’t a really good friend, find people to hang out with who have your best interests more at heart. But if she is a valued part of your life, I might cut her some slack. There are lots of bottom-feeders in the fish pond but only a few really good girlfriends.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Resolutions
Q: Anne and Dee, every year I make the same resolution for the new year: to lose weight. Every year I break it before the end of March, making me feel bad about myself. Do you have any tips for me?
Pounds Overweight in Kalamazoo
Anne: First of all, are you sure your resolution is reasonable? I mean, has your doctor told you that you’re overweight? And has he prescribed a diet plan for you or made suggestions on what to do to lose weight? I know it’s one of the hardest things in the world to do, especially if you’re trying to do it alone. So my tip is—as long as you have the blessing of your health care provider—join a group where you’ll get support. There are both wonderful weight control and exercise clubs and groups where you’ll meet other women in the same boat and together you’ll help each other shed those pounds. Good luck!
Dee: Hey there, Pounds Overweight. You say you give up your resolution before the end of March and then you feel bad. For how long? Do you keep feeling bad the other nine months of the year? Or—and this is just curiosity on my part—are you generally a happy, normal, well-adjusted human being?? Because if so--if you're generally happy with yourself--and if your doctor isn’t warning you you’re about to keel over due to excess weight, then here’s your tip: STOP MAKING RESOLUTIONS! Or at least make ones that are more fun to keep.
The way I look at weight, as long as I can keep fitting in Anne’s clothes, I’m cherry.
Pounds Overweight in Kalamazoo
Anne: First of all, are you sure your resolution is reasonable? I mean, has your doctor told you that you’re overweight? And has he prescribed a diet plan for you or made suggestions on what to do to lose weight? I know it’s one of the hardest things in the world to do, especially if you’re trying to do it alone. So my tip is—as long as you have the blessing of your health care provider—join a group where you’ll get support. There are both wonderful weight control and exercise clubs and groups where you’ll meet other women in the same boat and together you’ll help each other shed those pounds. Good luck!
Dee: Hey there, Pounds Overweight. You say you give up your resolution before the end of March and then you feel bad. For how long? Do you keep feeling bad the other nine months of the year? Or—and this is just curiosity on my part—are you generally a happy, normal, well-adjusted human being?? Because if so--if you're generally happy with yourself--and if your doctor isn’t warning you you’re about to keel over due to excess weight, then here’s your tip: STOP MAKING RESOLUTIONS! Or at least make ones that are more fun to keep.
The way I look at weight, as long as I can keep fitting in Anne’s clothes, I’m cherry.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Family Holidays (sigh)
Q: Dee and Anne, I’m a busy single mother. I have a full-time job and two children under the age of 6. I do what I can to provide a great Christmas for my kids but frankly, I don’t spend much time or money on anyone else in the family. I just don’t have the energy. Everyone has always seemed okay with this, but last week my sister told me that everyone’s been lying to me for the past few years. My feelings are hurt and I don’t think I’ll go to Christmas dinner this year. Am I wrong?
Hurt For the Holidays
Anne: Hurt, I can totally sympathize with you. First of all, it was your sister who told you all this?? What a horrible thing. Your sister should be loving and supportive. not that all of them are, mentioning no names.
Secondly, when those you love and count on lie to you, it’s worse than when anyone else does it. For example, when your twin sister tells you she never dated the boy you’re crazy over and are thinking of sleeping with, and then you find out she not only dated him but “knew” him months before, well, it can destroy the romance—and make the sisterly relationship a little touch and go, too. Not that such a thing ever happened to me…
But back to your question. As angry and hurt as you are, I think you should be honest with your family. Tell them the walls you’ve been up against and see if they will cut you some slack. Even if they won’t, I think you should go to Christmas dinner. Being with grandparents, aunts-uncles and cousins is part of Christmas for your kids. You don’t need to spend all day, but schlep the Jello salad, smile and bear it. Let your family see your quality and character.
Dee: Much as it pains me to admit, I think Anne gave good advice. I might have worded it differently. I might have said: Let your lying, sonuvabitch of a family see how much better you are than them, but, you know, Anne said it okay, too.
And Anne, for criminy sake, get over Gary. What kind of man dates two sisters and hides the fact? (Hypothetically, let's say none.) Sure I wasn’t exactly up front, but who knew you were thinking of climbing in the backseat of his Accord?? Thank your lucky stars you found out what a bastard he was before you handed him your virginity, Sis. Believe me, you only would have discovered what I did after a few months, that the sex wasn’t all that great.
Hurt For the Holidays
Anne: Hurt, I can totally sympathize with you. First of all, it was your sister who told you all this?? What a horrible thing. Your sister should be loving and supportive. not that all of them are, mentioning no names.
Secondly, when those you love and count on lie to you, it’s worse than when anyone else does it. For example, when your twin sister tells you she never dated the boy you’re crazy over and are thinking of sleeping with, and then you find out she not only dated him but “knew” him months before, well, it can destroy the romance—and make the sisterly relationship a little touch and go, too. Not that such a thing ever happened to me…
But back to your question. As angry and hurt as you are, I think you should be honest with your family. Tell them the walls you’ve been up against and see if they will cut you some slack. Even if they won’t, I think you should go to Christmas dinner. Being with grandparents, aunts-uncles and cousins is part of Christmas for your kids. You don’t need to spend all day, but schlep the Jello salad, smile and bear it. Let your family see your quality and character.
Dee: Much as it pains me to admit, I think Anne gave good advice. I might have worded it differently. I might have said: Let your lying, sonuvabitch of a family see how much better you are than them, but, you know, Anne said it okay, too.
And Anne, for criminy sake, get over Gary. What kind of man dates two sisters and hides the fact? (Hypothetically, let's say none.) Sure I wasn’t exactly up front, but who knew you were thinking of climbing in the backseat of his Accord?? Thank your lucky stars you found out what a bastard he was before you handed him your virginity, Sis. Believe me, you only would have discovered what I did after a few months, that the sex wasn’t all that great.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
