Q: My wife keeps forgetting our anniversary. How can I remind her?
Anne: Send her a note a week or so beforehand inviting her to dinner to celebrate a "special day." Hard to forget that.
Dee: Screw her brains out every night for about a week ahead. She still might not remember the date but neither of you will care.
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Monday, May 7, 2012
Monday, May 11, 2009
Push-ups Belong in the Army, Not a Bra
Q: My birthday was in January, our anniversary was in March and now there's Mother's Day. For all three celebrations, my husband bought me sexy lingerie--a shorty, see-through nightgown for my birthday, a set of thongs with the days of the week embroidered on them and a satin push-up bra. Of course he wants me to model them and then have wild monkey sex. Truth is, after four kids, stretch marks and left-over baby fat, I don't feel sexy in general and even less so in these slinky, wet-dream little pieces of fabric. I'd rather have a babysitter for a day to myself as a gift--away from the kids and from him and his demands. How can I tell him that?
Anne: There's no good way to tell a man his gifts aren't all you've longed for, sorry. But why don't you suggest leaving the kids with a family member for a weekend and go away with him and the slinky stuff? Maybe you'd feel different about his attentions if you were far away from your other worries. Otherwise, you either have to sit him down and be straight about the gifts or keep on accepting them.
Dee: Anne, I'm surprised! I don't think that's the advice you gave a previous writer with a similar problem. I'm glad to see you've come around to my way of thinking.
Okay, you say you're overweight and unattractive, at least to yourself. Your guy doesn't sound like he cares--he sounds like he still lusts after you. If he's giving you sexy clothing to put you in the mood, it indicates to me that you're not conducive to a romp in the hay all that often without the hint. That's more the problem than the lingerie, to my mind. I'm not saying you have to be ready and willing to jump every time he says he wants a little, but even men like to be needed and wanted in that "special way." Find time for the two of you. Have wild monkey sex now and then without his having to ask for it. Sounds like he still appreciates you in the bedroom--hopefully that carries over to the rest of your life together--so don't snub it. Otherwise, he might take that appreciation to someone who appreciates him back.
PS--If the only place he seems to know you're alive is in the bedroom, that's a whole different problem. Write back so we can give you some ball-busting hints. You should appreciate his appreciation, but you're not just a sex object. Know what I mean?
Anne: There's no good way to tell a man his gifts aren't all you've longed for, sorry. But why don't you suggest leaving the kids with a family member for a weekend and go away with him and the slinky stuff? Maybe you'd feel different about his attentions if you were far away from your other worries. Otherwise, you either have to sit him down and be straight about the gifts or keep on accepting them.
Dee: Anne, I'm surprised! I don't think that's the advice you gave a previous writer with a similar problem. I'm glad to see you've come around to my way of thinking.
Okay, you say you're overweight and unattractive, at least to yourself. Your guy doesn't sound like he cares--he sounds like he still lusts after you. If he's giving you sexy clothing to put you in the mood, it indicates to me that you're not conducive to a romp in the hay all that often without the hint. That's more the problem than the lingerie, to my mind. I'm not saying you have to be ready and willing to jump every time he says he wants a little, but even men like to be needed and wanted in that "special way." Find time for the two of you. Have wild monkey sex now and then without his having to ask for it. Sounds like he still appreciates you in the bedroom--hopefully that carries over to the rest of your life together--so don't snub it. Otherwise, he might take that appreciation to someone who appreciates him back.
PS--If the only place he seems to know you're alive is in the bedroom, that's a whole different problem. Write back so we can give you some ball-busting hints. You should appreciate his appreciation, but you're not just a sex object. Know what I mean?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Pans Rather Than Pan-ties in Massachusetts
Q: My husband and I have been married for twelve wonderful years. We have two active children and hectic careers. Our problem is a common one, I think. For our anniversary, he always buys me sexy lingerie. Not necessarily negligees, but panties, bras and tap pants sets. Each year I tell him I’d rather have something I can use—at this point, even a vacuum cleaner would be preferable to lacy panties. Each year it’s as if he was deaf the previous year. Our thirteenth anniversary is in a month. I don’t want to be harsh but believe me, I already have a drawer full of lingerie I don’t wear. Maybe if you all back me he’ll sit up and pay attention.
Anne: I don’t understand men—and you’re right, this is a common problem. Often, men give women the gifts they want, rather than what women want. I suggest you cook him a great meal one night and point out which pots and pans you used, then show him your drawer of unused lingerie. Tell him with a pan you can remember your special date every time you roast, or fry or whatever it is you want to receive. Another alternative is to buy a pot you really want and tell him ahead of time that you bought your gift from him. (WARNING: This may be an undesired slippery slope to always having to buy your own gifts, depending on your guy's temperament.) As a last note, it doesn’t hurt to do something romantic now and then. Maybe slip into one of those other gifts and see the light in his eyes.
Dee: Let’s turn the tables. Does he always adore everything you get him? Look, it’s your anniversary. The man surely doesn’t expect you to dress up for him every night, so indulge him this one night, which is supposed to be a remembrance of that first-love feeling. Maybe it would be easier if you got away from the “two active kids” and spent a some time alone. Here in Chicago-land we have Sybaris Pool Suites which cater to couples seeking romance. But even a night at your local Holiday Inn Express would be a break. My advice? Have dinner out. Feed each other spoonfuls of luscious dessert. Then go home—or to your room at an inn—and dress up. Put on whatever sexy thing he bought this year. Surprise him with an elephant cock cover and then, Lady, make him roar with delight. That’s the recipe to a happy anniversary.
Oh, Jackkk! Do you have the number for Sybaris handy…?
Anne: I don’t understand men—and you’re right, this is a common problem. Often, men give women the gifts they want, rather than what women want. I suggest you cook him a great meal one night and point out which pots and pans you used, then show him your drawer of unused lingerie. Tell him with a pan you can remember your special date every time you roast, or fry or whatever it is you want to receive. Another alternative is to buy a pot you really want and tell him ahead of time that you bought your gift from him. (WARNING: This may be an undesired slippery slope to always having to buy your own gifts, depending on your guy's temperament.) As a last note, it doesn’t hurt to do something romantic now and then. Maybe slip into one of those other gifts and see the light in his eyes.
Dee: Let’s turn the tables. Does he always adore everything you get him? Look, it’s your anniversary. The man surely doesn’t expect you to dress up for him every night, so indulge him this one night, which is supposed to be a remembrance of that first-love feeling. Maybe it would be easier if you got away from the “two active kids” and spent a some time alone. Here in Chicago-land we have Sybaris Pool Suites which cater to couples seeking romance. But even a night at your local Holiday Inn Express would be a break. My advice? Have dinner out. Feed each other spoonfuls of luscious dessert. Then go home—or to your room at an inn—and dress up. Put on whatever sexy thing he bought this year. Surprise him with an elephant cock cover and then, Lady, make him roar with delight. That’s the recipe to a happy anniversary.
Oh, Jackkk! Do you have the number for Sybaris handy…?
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