Desperate Denver Dan

Q: How can I convince my wife to have sex when her family is visiting? This year has been hell. I'm working and my wife is, too. Unfortunately, a good number of her family is not, and they've all been staying with us. First one brother, then another brother with his wife and kid, her sister with her two kids and then her mom decided to come for two weeks. Now the first brother is lai off and back again. We have a small house and my wife has refused to have sex unless we happen to be home and all of them are out—which has happened twice in three months. I'm about to die—or kill someone. Which should I do to get back to normal relations?

Anne: You poor guy! But what a nice guy, too, to help your wife's family. I think (if financially possible) you should pay everyone to go out to dinner or a movie once a week. Or maybe you and your wife could afford a motel room now and then? You're stuck between helping family and helping yourself. Just remember that this bad economy won't last forever.

Dee: I understand it's difficult to explain to a brother that you want some time alone to hump his sister, but you are married. It's not like you're asking him to give you time alone to fuck his teenage sister in the bed of a 1985 Ford at the end of a farm lane in Virginia Beach. Not that anyone I know ever did that… Anyway, if you can't talk to her family and convince them to leave you alone, then you have to do something else. Go somewhere. "Get a room," or even use the bed of an old Ford pickup. Be imaginative or your marriage will end before the recession.

In the meantime, have you suggested she give you a little relief? A BJ might be nice to take the edge off, or even a hand job. Don't be shy.

Taxing Situation in Tucumcari

Q: Every year, my girlfriend waits until the very last minute to prepare her taxes. She holds off and then drags me into the mess with her, venting, ranting at the IRS and herself (and me) alike, and generally disrupting our lives for a couple of weeks while she scrambles to find the information and receipts she needs and then getting them to the accountant in time for him to do the work and send it back before April 15. It drives me crazy!! Any tips on how I can prod her into getting things done earlier next year?

Anne: Well, show her this letter, for one. Let her know that it isn't just her who's thrown into a tizzy by her lateness. Or perhaps you could start in February, suggesting the two of you do your taxes together and then help her get organized. Or, take the bull by the horns and set up an accounting package that will automatically organize her income and expenses?

On the other hand, maybe she's one of those people who lives on the drama of running up to the last minute. (Like someone you know, Dee?) In which case, get used to chaotic Aprils because that's the way they will always be.

Dee: Haha, Anne. Look, dude, when I think of a woman "being late," financial planning isn't what comes to mind, family planning is. Thank your lucky stars you're only talking of something as insignificant as preparing taxes and cut your girlfriend some slack. Turn on a game, get a beer and let her run around in panic mode to her heart's content.

Holiday Stress

Q: Any ideas on how to minimize stress during the holiday season? Each year I get more and more hyper, starting with the shopping rush the day after Thanksgiving to the point I practically crash after New Year's.

Anne: Plan more special family and friend times where you can be casual and unhurried. Then determine that you will remain casual and unhurried. Agree to fewer gifts. Shop during the year for inexpensive present you might give teachers, mailmen, etc. so they will be ready far in advance. Cook ahead early in the fall and freeze some of the food you would normally prepare during the season. Anything you buy ahead, wrap ahead, too. (Be sure to label so you don't have to unwrap to discover what the gift is. I'm speaking from experience here.)

Dee: You know what I'm going to suggest as a stress reliever. Sex every day, maybe more than once a day. Screwing will not only relieve stress, it'll help keep those pesky holiday pounds off. Nothing says Happy Holidays like a good fuck.

I say look for sales and give everyone that same item. Boxes of fruit, socks, cases of motor oil--whatever. Everyone needs one of those things at some point. A lot of places online will wrap and send an item so you don't even have to deal with it personally. I like those. Or on a more serious note, gift cards are easy to buy, easy to give and appreciated. What I will say is don't try to give something time-consuming after July. For instance, don't try to knit a sweater for your sister in November. Talk about stress… Anne, I hope you'll like your gift card to Denny's.