Q: This sounds sill, I know, but I have a problem. My wife gets up early to go t work, so she goes to bed at 8:00 PM or sometimes earlier. I can't go to sleep that early, so I go around 11:00 or sometimes midnight. She complains the next day if I wake her up for sex when I go to bed. She doesn't want to wake me up at 3:00 AM when she gets up because she says sex makes her sleepy and she would want to roll over and go to sleep again. How can we resolve this?
Anne: Can't you go and have sex (when the two of you are interested) when she goes to bed? Then you can get up again.
Dee: For God's sake, she doesn't care if you sleep, just that you fuck her when she goes to bed once in awhile. Make it a cuddle time every night until she falls asleep. What—you got something better to do? Or TV to watch? That's why God invented DVRs and TIVO. Now, go have sex with your wife and stop screwing around.
Showing posts with label marital problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marital problems. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine Victim
Q: I gave my husband a valentine that was funny and kind of neutral, and not all mushy and lovey-dovey. Now he says we must be having trouble and thinks we need some time apart. All from a valentine. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Anne: Sit his rear end down and talk to him. He owes you a reason why he went overboard about a Hallmark card.
Dee: Go on a shopping spree and buy the sexiest lingerie you can find. Then go online with Adam and Eve and make sure he sees you buying the biggest dildo in the catalogue. Or maybe some ben wa balls, hmmm? Book a weekend at Sybaris (or somewhere comparable). Then—after he's seen all of this—let him know that you agree. Maybe it is time to have a little space. If he admits to being a numbskull, use all your new purchases—with him. If he's stubborn and insists he's right, that you are trying to "tell him" something with a funny valentine, then I'd say he's hiding something. Maybe he wants time away for reasons of his own. In which case, you will be all prepared for a fucking good weekend wit someone new. Don't waste it.
Anne: Sit his rear end down and talk to him. He owes you a reason why he went overboard about a Hallmark card.
Dee: Go on a shopping spree and buy the sexiest lingerie you can find. Then go online with Adam and Eve and make sure he sees you buying the biggest dildo in the catalogue. Or maybe some ben wa balls, hmmm? Book a weekend at Sybaris (or somewhere comparable). Then—after he's seen all of this—let him know that you agree. Maybe it is time to have a little space. If he admits to being a numbskull, use all your new purchases—with him. If he's stubborn and insists he's right, that you are trying to "tell him" something with a funny valentine, then I'd say he's hiding something. Maybe he wants time away for reasons of his own. In which case, you will be all prepared for a fucking good weekend wit someone new. Don't waste it.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Desperate Denver Dan
Q: How can I convince my wife to have sex when her family is visiting? This year has been hell. I'm working and my wife is, too. Unfortunately, a good number of her family is not, and they've all been staying with us. First one brother, then another brother with his wife and kid, her sister with her two kids and then her mom decided to come for two weeks. Now the first brother is lai off and back again. We have a small house and my wife has refused to have sex unless we happen to be home and all of them are out—which has happened twice in three months. I'm about to die—or kill someone. Which should I do to get back to normal relations?
Anne: You poor guy! But what a nice guy, too, to help your wife's family. I think (if financially possible) you should pay everyone to go out to dinner or a movie once a week. Or maybe you and your wife could afford a motel room now and then? You're stuck between helping family and helping yourself. Just remember that this bad economy won't last forever.
Dee: I understand it's difficult to explain to a brother that you want some time alone to hump his sister, but you are married. It's not like you're asking him to give you time alone to fuck his teenage sister in the bed of a 1985 Ford at the end of a farm lane in Virginia Beach. Not that anyone I know ever did that… Anyway, if you can't talk to her family and convince them to leave you alone, then you have to do something else. Go somewhere. "Get a room," or even use the bed of an old Ford pickup. Be imaginative or your marriage will end before the recession.
In the meantime, have you suggested she give you a little relief? A BJ might be nice to take the edge off, or even a hand job. Don't be shy.
Anne: You poor guy! But what a nice guy, too, to help your wife's family. I think (if financially possible) you should pay everyone to go out to dinner or a movie once a week. Or maybe you and your wife could afford a motel room now and then? You're stuck between helping family and helping yourself. Just remember that this bad economy won't last forever.
Dee: I understand it's difficult to explain to a brother that you want some time alone to hump his sister, but you are married. It's not like you're asking him to give you time alone to fuck his teenage sister in the bed of a 1985 Ford at the end of a farm lane in Virginia Beach. Not that anyone I know ever did that… Anyway, if you can't talk to her family and convince them to leave you alone, then you have to do something else. Go somewhere. "Get a room," or even use the bed of an old Ford pickup. Be imaginative or your marriage will end before the recession.
In the meantime, have you suggested she give you a little relief? A BJ might be nice to take the edge off, or even a hand job. Don't be shy.
Monday, October 5, 2009
To Tell or Not to Tell...?
Q: I saw the husband of a friend in a restaurant with another woman. They were pretty touchy-feely. I have no idea what to do--should I tell or not?
Anne: Is this woman a good friend or just an acquaintance? If she's a good friend, I would tell her. Maybe there's a simple explanation. If there isn't, she needs to know. Then she can make her own decision as to how to handle the situation.
Dee: I can tell you right now, if you tell her she won't appreciate it. If he has a good reason, he'll be ticked that you were trying to cause trouble and she'll think you had ulterior reasons for snitching. If he's actually a cheating bastard, she won't like your knowing--especially if she doesn't take action against him. Tell her if you want, but don't be surprised if you lose a friend in the process.
[Note: Dee and I are in the process of moving, so we aren't able to respond to your posts. Hopefully we'll be back online again next week. Please stop back and visit again then.]
Anne: Is this woman a good friend or just an acquaintance? If she's a good friend, I would tell her. Maybe there's a simple explanation. If there isn't, she needs to know. Then she can make her own decision as to how to handle the situation.
Dee: I can tell you right now, if you tell her she won't appreciate it. If he has a good reason, he'll be ticked that you were trying to cause trouble and she'll think you had ulterior reasons for snitching. If he's actually a cheating bastard, she won't like your knowing--especially if she doesn't take action against him. Tell her if you want, but don't be surprised if you lose a friend in the process.
[Note: Dee and I are in the process of moving, so we aren't able to respond to your posts. Hopefully we'll be back online again next week. Please stop back and visit again then.]
Monday, September 21, 2009
No Treats, Please!!
Q: I have a weight problem--and a husband problem. Every time I try to lose weight my husband brings me little treats--candy or Danish or chocolate. I've protested and asked him please not to, but he makes a joke that he just loves me as I am and doesn't understand why I get so involved in diets. I don't understand why he doesn't support me. What can I do?
Anne: Does your husband has a weight problem himself? I'm sure he does love you the way you are--weight has nothing to do with a person being loveable, after all. I'd say sit him down and turn the tables. Ask him to describe something he really wants to accomplish. It might be a hobby project, a fishing trip away or even watching a ball game. Now ask him how he would feel if you did something at every turn that kept him from finishing. No doubt he would become frustrated. Tell him that's how you feel when he doesn't help you accomplish your weight loss. Maybe making the problem personal to him will help.
Dee: If you're anxious to lose weight it also means you're anxious to gain some control of your life, your looks and your health. To me, if your husband is trying to prevent your success it means he doesn't want you to have control. Now, why would that be? That's the basis of the problem. His plying you with food is simply a symptom of his need to control.
Of course, he doesn't force you to eat the food he brings. Tell hubby you appreciate that he loves you as you are, but you would feel better physically and emotionally if you lost weight. Then throw out the food he brings--in front of him. He will soon stop bringing it.
I'll also bet that as you start making progress he'll come around to being the suppoort you want and need. If not, well, you have to decide if you want to stay with the jerk or dump someone who doesn't want you to succeed for whatever reason.
Anne: Does your husband has a weight problem himself? I'm sure he does love you the way you are--weight has nothing to do with a person being loveable, after all. I'd say sit him down and turn the tables. Ask him to describe something he really wants to accomplish. It might be a hobby project, a fishing trip away or even watching a ball game. Now ask him how he would feel if you did something at every turn that kept him from finishing. No doubt he would become frustrated. Tell him that's how you feel when he doesn't help you accomplish your weight loss. Maybe making the problem personal to him will help.
Dee: If you're anxious to lose weight it also means you're anxious to gain some control of your life, your looks and your health. To me, if your husband is trying to prevent your success it means he doesn't want you to have control. Now, why would that be? That's the basis of the problem. His plying you with food is simply a symptom of his need to control.
Of course, he doesn't force you to eat the food he brings. Tell hubby you appreciate that he loves you as you are, but you would feel better physically and emotionally if you lost weight. Then throw out the food he brings--in front of him. He will soon stop bringing it.
I'll also bet that as you start making progress he'll come around to being the suppoort you want and need. If not, well, you have to decide if you want to stay with the jerk or dump someone who doesn't want you to succeed for whatever reason.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Old Dog Learning New Tricks?
Q: Maybe I just need to sound this out. I'm not even sure I have a problem, but let me tell you what happened a month or so ago. My husband of 20 years went to Texas for a week's conference for his work. When he returned, he seemed different. Not drastically, not in a huge way, but subtly. He wanted to shop for clothes the first weekend back and bought a cardigan sweater. I've known the man for most of my life and I've never seen him in a cardigan. He's made an appointment to get Lasik surgery, saying he was tired of wearing glasses. He started jogging again the day after he got home, after giving up the activity for the past five years. He's not distant but maybe a little preoccupied. He mentioned last night that he needs to return to Texas for client meetings in a month or so, though he doesn't normally handle that region. Should I be worried?
Anne: Gosh, that does sound strange. Why don't you suggest going with him if it's possible? If he makes all kinds of excuses, maybe you should worry a bit, but I hate for you to borrow trouble. As he spruces up, maybe you should also. Try jogging with him, pick up on healthful eating if he's looking to lose weight or take more than a normal interest in his business or hobby or whatever. But if things continue not to feel right, don't hesitate to ask him about his Texas trip and why he's different. Even if the news is bad it's better to know than to wonder.
Dee: Animals find out about each other by scent. Dogs stick their noses right in where the sun don't shine to discover who another dog is and where he's been. So don't be afraid to be a bitch (so to speak) and sniff, Honey. To me, you might well get the whiff of another dog hanging around. Men are dogs in some ways, and it's easy after many years of being with one woman to be flattered into the arms of another. Put a stop to it now before it goes too far. Unlike dogs, make sure your husband (and the little, yippy bitch nipping at his heels) knows that you are the one he'd better be humping--or you'll take his little doggie balls in your hand and squeeze. This is no time to be subtle.
Anne: Gosh, that does sound strange. Why don't you suggest going with him if it's possible? If he makes all kinds of excuses, maybe you should worry a bit, but I hate for you to borrow trouble. As he spruces up, maybe you should also. Try jogging with him, pick up on healthful eating if he's looking to lose weight or take more than a normal interest in his business or hobby or whatever. But if things continue not to feel right, don't hesitate to ask him about his Texas trip and why he's different. Even if the news is bad it's better to know than to wonder.
Dee: Animals find out about each other by scent. Dogs stick their noses right in where the sun don't shine to discover who another dog is and where he's been. So don't be afraid to be a bitch (so to speak) and sniff, Honey. To me, you might well get the whiff of another dog hanging around. Men are dogs in some ways, and it's easy after many years of being with one woman to be flattered into the arms of another. Put a stop to it now before it goes too far. Unlike dogs, make sure your husband (and the little, yippy bitch nipping at his heels) knows that you are the one he'd better be humping--or you'll take his little doggie balls in your hand and squeeze. This is no time to be subtle.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Jobless in Colorado
Q: I lost my job a month ago. I've looked but there's nothing for me in this area, which is Colorado Springs. I've found a possibility for work--just a possibility--in Texas, but every time I mention it to my wife, she freaks. We've lived here since we were married. We have two kids and her parents live half a mile away. I know it's hard for her to think of moving, but if there's no work, there's no work. Lately there's been no sex, too. What can I do to convince her?
Anne: Jobless, I sympathize totally with you! However, of course it's hard for your wife to think about picking up and moving when she's not even sure there's a job for you in Texas. My advice is to keep looking for work in your hometown but check further into the job in Texas. Maybe if you find there is a job and they're ready to hire you if you relocate, your wife will see the logic. I think right now it's the uncertainty that has her upset. Good luck!
Dee: From my own point of view, there's never a good excuse for not having sex. If someone is withholding from someone else out of spite or anger, then shame! On the other hand, if stress is causing the lack of mattress bouncing, then consider that sex isn't all about intercourse. It's also about cuddling and lending comfort to the person you love. In hard times, this is needed more than ever. And by the way if you or your wife needs a little "Put Tab B into Slot A" guidance, maybe you should pick up a Dee S. Knight or Francis Drake book!
Now to the move. Definitely find out if there's a job in Texas. If there is, maybe you'd go down and work for a short while without your family, just to make sure everything is as you thought it would be, before uprooting everyone. Maybe your in-laws can keep the kids and your wife can go down and check things out with you. And if it looks like you need to move for work, then by golly, your wife will have to bite the bullet and do it. In this day, you take opportunities where you can find them. Pulling together during hard times as well as good is what marriage is all about. And besides, she might find out the adventure of living in a new place is wonderful. Stranger things have happened. I join Anne in saying good luck!
Anne: Jobless, I sympathize totally with you! However, of course it's hard for your wife to think about picking up and moving when she's not even sure there's a job for you in Texas. My advice is to keep looking for work in your hometown but check further into the job in Texas. Maybe if you find there is a job and they're ready to hire you if you relocate, your wife will see the logic. I think right now it's the uncertainty that has her upset. Good luck!
Dee: From my own point of view, there's never a good excuse for not having sex. If someone is withholding from someone else out of spite or anger, then shame! On the other hand, if stress is causing the lack of mattress bouncing, then consider that sex isn't all about intercourse. It's also about cuddling and lending comfort to the person you love. In hard times, this is needed more than ever. And by the way if you or your wife needs a little "Put Tab B into Slot A" guidance, maybe you should pick up a Dee S. Knight or Francis Drake book!
Now to the move. Definitely find out if there's a job in Texas. If there is, maybe you'd go down and work for a short while without your family, just to make sure everything is as you thought it would be, before uprooting everyone. Maybe your in-laws can keep the kids and your wife can go down and check things out with you. And if it looks like you need to move for work, then by golly, your wife will have to bite the bullet and do it. In this day, you take opportunities where you can find them. Pulling together during hard times as well as good is what marriage is all about. And besides, she might find out the adventure of living in a new place is wonderful. Stranger things have happened. I join Anne in saying good luck!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Liar, Liar
Q: I just found out the man I’ve been dating for two years is married. I love this man. I My best friend broke the news yesterday. At first I didn’t believe it because she’s always lusted after him, but I confronted him last night and it’s true. He said he was sorry. Then he said he would leave his wife if I’d give him just a little time. I know this is the clichéd married man line, but what can I do? I love him. Do you think he could mean it? In every other way he’s been the perfect, honest man.
Anne: I’m sorry to tell you, but I wouldn’t give this man a second more of your time or affection. He lied to you over and over. And if he’s telling you the truth now, he’s lying to his wife, over and over. Is this the kind of man you want to invest your life in? Two years is enough wasted time. Move on, but fast.
Dee: I hope the bastard gave you lots of nice presents. Nice, valuable, pawnable presents.
You don’t give us the full story, but I do wonder. How does a woman date a man for two years and not suspect something’s a little off? I mean, wasn’t he gone and/or out of touch for periods of time? Didn’t he cancel dates and give suspicious reasons? Didn’t he keep from introducing you to friends and colleagues?
I could be wrong. Maybe nothing out of the ordinary happened during all those months, but I kind of doubt it. I’m NOT saying you’re to blame for his lyin’, cheatin’ ways, but I do hope next time you’ll save yourself all kinds of heartache by paying attention to the signs around you.
As for what to do, dump his sorry ass right this minute, if you haven’t already. Then I would take the high road, and not mail a letter to his wife, not send some incriminating item to his house in care of Mr. and Mrs, or agree to meet him one more time and then alert his wife to the time and location. No, I’d never do that. Would I?
Anne: I’m sorry to tell you, but I wouldn’t give this man a second more of your time or affection. He lied to you over and over. And if he’s telling you the truth now, he’s lying to his wife, over and over. Is this the kind of man you want to invest your life in? Two years is enough wasted time. Move on, but fast.
Dee: I hope the bastard gave you lots of nice presents. Nice, valuable, pawnable presents.
You don’t give us the full story, but I do wonder. How does a woman date a man for two years and not suspect something’s a little off? I mean, wasn’t he gone and/or out of touch for periods of time? Didn’t he cancel dates and give suspicious reasons? Didn’t he keep from introducing you to friends and colleagues?
I could be wrong. Maybe nothing out of the ordinary happened during all those months, but I kind of doubt it. I’m NOT saying you’re to blame for his lyin’, cheatin’ ways, but I do hope next time you’ll save yourself all kinds of heartache by paying attention to the signs around you.
As for what to do, dump his sorry ass right this minute, if you haven’t already. Then I would take the high road, and not mail a letter to his wife, not send some incriminating item to his house in care of Mr. and Mrs, or agree to meet him one more time and then alert his wife to the time and location. No, I’d never do that. Would I?
Sunday, May 17, 2009
My Girlfriend's Bother's Keeper
Q: My husband and I went to a party at my girlfriend's house. I almost had to drag him. We have been having some marital problems and I was trying to get him involved in my life... or at least to have a life. He doesn't do anything with me or my friends. I assured him the group would be small with only her close friends and family, so he agreed. When we got there, as I told him, it wasn't a large group, maybe 8 people, including us. Her brother, whom I'd never met, was one of the guests and he was there alone. My friend told me he had also been having some marital problems.
There was plenty of alcohol, and I had more than my share. Well, when her brother and I looked at each other across the room, it was as though he was sending an electric current to my animal side. I knew was going to be bad later on. And I was. I cornered him in the bathroom and began an attack that I think he liked. At least, he kept me in there a good long time. The problem is, my girlfriend found out... or I should say saw us. She retaliated and attacked my husband. It wasn't a big deal to me - marital problems, remember? But now he wants to go to all of her parties -- and she has quite a few. I think it's because he wants to do my best friend. I like to go to her parties but now I don't want to take him. I don't know if he knows about her brother and me. I'm afraid to bring it up.
So what do I do? Take him along or tell him he's not invited and leave him home?
Anne: You have marital problems. Here's an idea: stay home together. Talk, watch a movie, go for a walk--but do it together. Get to know each other again. It seems to me you have to do something like that if you want your marriage to work. Stay away from your friend's brother. And your friend, for that matter. She doesn't sound like she's a very good influence.
Dee: I have better advice than that. Write me offline and I'll try to get you all on The Jerry Springer Show.
There was plenty of alcohol, and I had more than my share. Well, when her brother and I looked at each other across the room, it was as though he was sending an electric current to my animal side. I knew was going to be bad later on. And I was. I cornered him in the bathroom and began an attack that I think he liked. At least, he kept me in there a good long time. The problem is, my girlfriend found out... or I should say saw us. She retaliated and attacked my husband. It wasn't a big deal to me - marital problems, remember? But now he wants to go to all of her parties -- and she has quite a few. I think it's because he wants to do my best friend. I like to go to her parties but now I don't want to take him. I don't know if he knows about her brother and me. I'm afraid to bring it up.
So what do I do? Take him along or tell him he's not invited and leave him home?
Anne: You have marital problems. Here's an idea: stay home together. Talk, watch a movie, go for a walk--but do it together. Get to know each other again. It seems to me you have to do something like that if you want your marriage to work. Stay away from your friend's brother. And your friend, for that matter. She doesn't sound like she's a very good influence.
Dee: I have better advice than that. Write me offline and I'll try to get you all on The Jerry Springer Show.
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