Fathers-in-Law and Husbands

Q: I have a model man for a father-in-law—literally. He was a fashion model for years and now runs his own agency. He's handsome as sin, intelligent, successful, wealthy, fun—the list goes on and on. As a corporate attorney, I have more in common with him than I do my husband's profession. I love my husband of two years, Hank, but unfortunately, he takes more after his mother than his father. His job is very low key (claims adjustor) and he lacks much ambition beyond doing 9-to-5 and then finding the nearest sports bar where he and his old high school buddies can watch a ball game. His mother and father have been estranged, so I only met Hank's dad a couple of months ago.

The problem is, he's coming on to me. He's always finding some way to touch me; he brushes by so as to rub against my breasts. If we're in a gathering, he leans in to talk intimately. He's taken me to lunch a couple of times when he was downtown and we had a pleasant time of it. He's made a few offhand remarks about how disappointing Hank was to him growing up because he isn't a go-getter, and I wonder if his flirting with me is a way to show up Hank. On the other hand, I find myself attracted to him. What if I'm imagining his flirtations because I secretly want it to be true. No one but me seems to notice. What should I do?

Anne: You sound confused. The first thing you need to figure out is if you are attracted to your father-in-law, and if so, why. Are you unhappy in your marriage? If you are, were you unhappy before your FIL entered the picture? These are your issues, and you need to get them straight. If you come to the conclusion that what's happening is not your imagination, then you need to lay down the law with your FIL immediately. If not and things progress, it could damage your marriage to the point of no return.

Dee: True, you need to figure out if your husband is still the man of your dreams—if he ever was. Between the lines, I read that you are dissatisfied with your marriage. The way you describe Hank, his job, his activities, etc. all point to the fact that he isn't the man you envisioned. He must be great in the sack, or else why would you even have been attracted to him, ever? In this case, you should tell him you're unhappy and see if there's a way you two can fix things. If you can't, get out of the marriage and find someone with whom you feel more compatible—maybe FIL.

BUT (and you can see this is a big but), do not under any circumstances sleep with or encourage FIL to start a relationship before you extricate yourself from Hank. If you fuck around with daddy and then stay with Hank, there will be trouble. Count on it. And you'll likely end up out on your successful, attorney butt all by yourself.

If you get out of the marriage and daddy is still hanging around, panting to get his dick inside you, do the dirty and see if he's any good. The kinky factor alone should have you shooting off like a firecracker in no time.

Appreciating Each and Every Minute

Q: Last week, when coming out of the grocery store, I stopped to help an elderly man lift his groceries in the trunk of his car. He started talking and I couldn't help but listen as he explained that his wife of 48 years had recently died. He said he hadn't been the best of husband's but that came home to him when going through his wife's things. Back in the closet he found a box. Inside, a dress was neatly folded. He didn't remember the dress, he said, or even the date written on a yellowed sheet of paper laying on top. "December 20, 1959. I wore this dress to the Sanford Christmas part and David said I looked beautiful." With tears shimmering in his eyes, he told me he didn't remember telling his wife that she was beautiful. In fact, he was sure he hadn't paid her enough loving attention for most of their marriage, and now he regretted that every day. I can't get the man out of my mind. I've tried to think of the last time my husband told me I was beautiful or when I last complimented him. How can I get it across that our time on Earth is finite, and we should appreciate every second with the ones we love?

Anne: What a touching and beautiful story. Of course, you can always tell him you love him, but what about finding new ways to say it? Cook or bake something he loves once a week. Tuck notes in his lunch that let him know you're thinking of him. Plan a day to do whatever he wants—even if it's nothing, or watching a ballgame on TV. Hold his hand. Smile. Flirt. I hope whatever you do works.

Dee: Well, of course I also thought of doing things he likes but my mind ran in a different direction. Fix a dinner he likes—and include an aphrodisiac, like oysters or chocolate. Plan an evening out to somewhere he wants to go—and let him know you're not wearing panties. Hold his hand—and when you're in a private spot (or semi-private?), place it over your breast. Or put your hand over his cock beneath the drape of a tablecloth. Give him a blowjob when he's least expecting it. Buy something new and special at Adam and Eve, or if you're able, plan a weekend to a Sybaris resort. Telling him that you should appreciate your time together is always more special with a little fucking to frost the cake. Have fun getting your message across!

Family Affairs

Q: I told my husband a few years ago (after a couple of drinks) that I thought his brother was a sexy hunk. I assured him nothing had happened between George (that's his brother) and me and never would. He said he understood why I thought so. Now, for last several months, every time we get together with my family I see my husband getting friendly with my sister. Worse, I think she'd flirting with him, too. I mentioned my fears to hubby and he said nothing was happening, and besides, I'd found George sexy so I don't have room to criticize him for thinking my sister was. I didn't even know he remembered my saying that about George. I'm worried. What should I do?

Anne: Talk to your sister and tell her that you know she doesn't mean to, but you're afraid your husband might be mistaking her friendliness for flirting. Ask her to let him know in no uncertain terms that she is not interested. Then talk to your husband again. Remind him that nothing happened between you and his brother and you expect the same will be true about him and your sister. If he knows you're uncomfortable, he should do everything he can to improve the situation.

Dee: Take a digital camera with you to every family occasion. If you see a flirtatious moment, quietly snap a photo. When you have a few pictures, print them and show them to hubby--maybe sis, too--along with word that you've heard of a good divorce lawyer and that you plan to leave him nothing but a few nuts--he'll know which ones you mean. I'll bet sis and hubby don't even sit in the same room after that.

Messing around when you're married is wrong. Messing around with family when you're married is wrong and stupid.

My Girlfriend's Bother's Keeper

Q: My husband and I went to a party at my girlfriend's house. I almost had to drag him. We have been having some marital problems and I was trying to get him involved in my life... or at least to have a life. He doesn't do anything with me or my friends. I assured him the group would be small with only her close friends and family, so he agreed. When we got there, as I told him, it wasn't a large group, maybe 8 people, including us. Her brother, whom I'd never met, was one of the guests and he was there alone. My friend told me he had also been having some marital problems.

There was plenty of alcohol, and I had more than my share. Well, when her brother and I looked at each other across the room, it was as though he was sending an electric current to my animal side. I knew was going to be bad later on. And I was. I cornered him in the bathroom and began an attack that I think he liked. At least, he kept me in there a good long time. The problem is, my girlfriend found out... or I should say saw us. She retaliated and attacked my husband. It wasn't a big deal to me - marital problems, remember? But now he wants to go to all of her parties -- and she has quite a few. I think it's because he wants to do my best friend. I like to go to her parties but now I don't want to take him. I don't know if he knows about her brother and me. I'm afraid to bring it up.

So what do I do? Take him along or tell him he's not invited and leave him home?

Anne: You have marital problems. Here's an idea: stay home together. Talk, watch a movie, go for a walk--but do it together. Get to know each other again. It seems to me you have to do something like that if you want your marriage to work. Stay away from your friend's brother. And your friend, for that matter. She doesn't sound like she's a very good influence.

Dee: I have better advice than that. Write me offline and I'll try to get you all on The Jerry Springer Show.

Jell-O Shot Hell

Q: My company has some killer parties. Technically they’re part of our quarterly meetings, but my bosses are kinda wild men and young, so they use any excuse to have a blowout.

Anyway, I couldn’t stay long at the first “meeting,” so I missed the party part. But I made up for it at the second—I’d never had Jell-O shots before. THEY ARE AWSOME.. I got a little polluted and when I drink I, um... get flirtatious (putting it mildly). I came on to a colleague. He isn't my boss, but he’s in enough of a position to make me REALLY WORRY. He’s not married or anything, and he turned me down, but still…. How do I handle this at work? I see him EVERY DAY! Help! I'm
In Jell-O Shot Hell

Anne: Let this be a lesson—alcohol and work do not mix! At your next quarterly meeting, drink tea, or coffee or even Tom Collins mix with a twist of lemon. No one will know the difference and you won’t embarrass yourself. For now, I’d say act as though nothing happened and hope he does the same. If he brings it up, apologize and swear that Jell-O shots are a thing of the past at office parties. If he’s a gentleman, the incident went (and will go) no farther.

Dee: Well, you little slut you. (And I mean that as a compliment.) Get a couple of Jell-O shots in you and you go, girl! So, okay, I say step back and think for a minute. You made a fool of yourself. If the man hasn’t done the same or worse a hundred times himself, he’s no man you want to waste yourself on. Let it go. It’s not like you stripped for him, played tonsil tag and rubbed The Girls against his broad, strong chest while unzipping his pants and begging his Bad Boy to come out and show you why he’s bad. No, it’s not like you did that. And, uh, *crossing fingers* not like I did that, either…