Those Sexy Waxes

Q: I’ve been considering getting a bikini wax. What do you think?

Waxing Poetic in Virginia

Anne: “Waxing Poetic.” Haha. Clever name. But on to the question. I have to admit, I know nothing about waxing so I looked it up online. Color me surprised when I found there are several types of ways to wax pubic hair and hair around the anus. I mean, you can take all of it off or parts of it. Who knew? To tell you the truth, it all sounded painful. I mean, have you ever waxed your eyebrows? Or under your arms? OUCH! Just the thought of causing pain “down there,” is enough to make me appreciate the hair God gave me and to leave it alone. Plus, there are health concerns, did you know? For instance, if you have diabetes, you shouldn’t get waxed. Or if you’re pregnant. (Who the hell—pardon my French—would worry about getting it done if you’re about to give birth??) I wouldn’t do it, so how could I advise you to do any different?

Dee: I know my good friend Lee Silver (author of The Twist) is probably brave enough to engage in a full wax job or at least a sexy Brazilian job (most likely named for the women in New York who invented the wax, not the country). Lee, fess up, Woman!

Now for once I have to agree with Anne—this sounds painful. So why would any woman go through with it? I’m not sure but I think it’s because men LOVE it! They love the smoothness of the skin, the lack of hair for oral sex (for those wonderful men who GIVE oral sex, the lazy bastards), and (let’s face it) the sense of the forbidden when their lover feels like a young girl. What pervs!

So you know all those times we as women of the Lib Era said we should NOT dress for men, act for men, or live our lives for men? Well, forget it when it comes to ripping out public hair by the roots. Does the thought bring tears to your eyes? Suck it up! You’ll thank your Brazilian waxer when your man sighs in your ear and can’t wait to keep you up all night with hot sex of all varieties.

Put that way, where’re those Yellow Pages??

Getting a Little in the End

Q: My husband likes anal sex. I'm not crazy about it, but I want to please him in a special way every now and then. I feel I should know more about it, though. What should I know that I don't know to ask?

Anne: Hygiene is everything. Make sure you stay clean and that your husband cleans his … you know before and after anal sex. And now you know as much as I do about that form of sex. Sis…?

Dee: Anne is right, cleanliness is next to godliness when it comes to taking it in the backdoor—although the Almighty might not like being associated with anal sex. That applies to you, too. Make sure you've evacuated yourself before the big event. (Yes, that means just what it sounds like. Having a gentle shit isn't good enough. Sacrifice for the greater good.)

Wikipedia has an article on anal sex with pictures and all (not for viewing during work, I might add). It's not full of info, but will let you see that the practice isn't so perverse. In other words, your husband isn't alone in his desire for it. (By the way, did you know Wikipedia also has a site for sexual positions? It's like a mini, Kama Sutra online.) There are other sites, like Sextutor, Babeland and Freddy and Eddy.

In addition to being hygienic, the next most important factor—especially for you—is to use a good lubricant. The anus doesn't naturally have much secretion to ease penetration, so tell your hubby to use a good cream or gel designed for the anus. You can find them at any sex shop or site, like Adam and Eve. Without being well lubricated, you're likely to experience pain, and that's not the purpose of sex between two consenting adults.

Start easy and work your way up. This is one time when foreplay is really vital. Have your husband finger you first, gradually working his fingers in and stretching you before he actually penetrates you. That should be fun for him as well as stimulating for you.

Explore anal sex toys. The variety will knock you on your ass—no pun intended. If you find you enjoy the act, maybe you'd like to try a butt plug so you'll be more available, so to speak. Or an anal dildo, which is shorter than the regular one. These are also good ways for hubby to prepare you for what he has to offer, which hopefully will bring you the same amount of pleasure he gets from this sex act. Good luck and enjoy!

Birthday in Buffalo

Q: Last year I gave my girlfriend a sexy nightgown for her birthday and received a lecture on how I buy things for me instead of for her, whatever that means. Women's logic makes no sense to me. Anyway, she didn't wear the nightgown for a good long time but when she did, she was smokin' and we had the greatest sex we'd had in months. I want that again, so I found another, tiny little scrap of a nightgown and bought it, even though it set me back a week's salary. The thing is, I don't want another lecture or any more backward philosophy about how I don't care about her wants and needs. I satisfied her needs pretty damn well when she finally gave in and wore what I gave her. Any advice?

Anne: First off, what your girlfriend meant was that you bought the nightgown because you wanted to see her in it, not because you thought she would like to wear it. Women want a man to think of them and their wants and needs, not the man's. Maybe she would like something not quite so sexy, something she would be comfortable in, not just sexy in. Buying something that suits her desires shows you're thinking of her and not just yourself. Even if you did have a good night when she wore the gown, she still knows your mind focused on what you wanted to see her wearing, not what she wanted to wear. It's a fine distinction, but if you put your mind to it I'm sure you will understand.

I wish you hadn't already bought the nightgown this year--which, by the way means you didn't listen very well last year--but since you have, I'd say combine it with something else, something you know she wants. Maybe jewelry or flowers or a special perfume she has mentioned? Next year, perhaps you should ask her for suggestions. Let her buy the sexy gown to surprise you on your birthday.

Dee: Yeah, you should try to give her something she wants and not just what you want. But you want sex and if she's still with you, so does she. I'd say kick it up a notch, but not as a birthday gift, as an adjunct gift. Start off with some mind-blowing foreplay and then present her with the gown.

For that mind-blowing foreplay, take a look at Adam and Eve for a few suggestions. Try an egg vibrator--small but powerful. Or a G-spot stimulator--sure to bring pleasure. Or how about a finger vibrator? That way you're a part of the action. Once you have her interest, present her with the nightie to enhance what you've already started. The problem last year is, you wanted her to wear the nightgown as your foreplay, and she wants more than your cock growing hard, she wants some excitement, too.


Or maybe give her a nightgown as part of a romantic weekend away, like at Sybaris or someplace near you that specializes in dark corners and quiet rooms. The trick here is combining the sex with romance.

True, it's better to give the birthday person something they want. But flowers die, candy is cliché, and jewelry should be saved for when you really need to make-up. A finger vibrator lasts a long time past the birthday and it's a team sport. When she kicks your sorry ass out, it's the gift that keeps on giving when she's alone, too. What more can a woman ask for?

Ben Wa what?

Q: I just heard from my husband that my sister in law was told by her GYN to purchase ben wa balls. My husband says her husband is thrilled and that their sex since then has been explosive. Now he wants me to get some. What are they, anyway?

Anne: Ben Wa balls have been used for centuries to stimulate a woman sexually. Taoists believed a man gained health and a longer life by absorbing energy created during sex. Part of the practice involved making sure the woman also had satisfaction…though the woman was unimportant enough not to gain long life from the act.

Ben Wa balls, connected with silk ribbons, were inserted into a woman's vagina and held there. With each movement, her inner passage was stimulated, kind of like a sexual buzz.Aside from that, holding the balls inside strengthens the Kegel muscles, which can enhance the man's pleasure during sex. And aside from that, because let's face it, men get plenty enough pleasure from sex, strengthening those muscles can reduce or eliminate involuntary incontinence. I suspect that's the reason your sis-in-law's gynecologist suggested she try the things.


Dee: Yeah, that peeing when you sneeze thing is a bitch. But let's not underestimate the real purpose of the Ben Wa balls, which is to heighten sexual pleasure. Slide a couple of these gems in your puss-puss and wear them during the day. Every move you make they slip a little, turn a little. Some balls have a trinket or ball bearings inside, making stimulation is even stronger. And here's the kicker. No one but you (or your lover) knows what kinky little thing is going on under your skirt or slacks! There are also vibrating Ben Wa balls, great for fun at home on your own or during sex, when you both get a little buzz.

As far as I'm concerned, these are the second best balls to play with. What's first? Ask Jack.

* Photos from Adam & Eve

A little foreplay on the drive home

Q: I need advice on how to handle a problem I have with my boyfriend. Whenever we drive anywhere, he likes me to sit right next to him and play with his "private parts.” I like doing it but I wonder if people in trucks and on the street can see what I am doing. He said don't worry about it but I do.

Signed,
Worried

Anne: Worried, the first thing I thought when I read your question is how dangerous that is. If your boyfriend is really concerned for you and not the titillation of what you do to him, he should have you sit where you can be “belted” in. Tell him you’ll play with his privates when you’re safely off the roadways. I’d say he could play with his own thingy while driving, but he should keep both hands on the wheel. Remember, safety first!

Dee: Worried, Jack and I drove a truck for years, and I can tell you, truckers can (and do!) see what goes on in cars beside them. I remember once, Jack drove for miles beside a car while a girl gave her boyfriend a BJ. I finally had to cover his eyes to get him to speed by them. (Just kidding.)

Did they know they could be seen? Well, yeah. Is it more exciting to receive (or give) a BJ when you're being watched? Well, YEAH.

Should you sit beside your sweetie and fiddle around while cruising down the road? Personally, I care more about my life than whether Jack gets felt up, so I wear a safety belt at all times in the car. Beyond safety, a lot of states require a seat belt and will ticket the driver if a passenger isn’t wearing one. I do agree with Anne on the safety first warning. However...

Barring those considerations, if you’re just driving around town at 20-25 MPH and your chances of flying through the windshield with a hard stop is nil, hey, why not? People in pickups will be able to watch, but who cares (unless the person is your mom or dad or preacher)? On the way home from dinner or a movie, a little in-the-car foreplay might be just the extra spark to strike before a lusty romp at home.