A Uniform Problem

Q: I'd dated my boyfriend for just short of a year when he asked me to marry him. His brother, whom I'd never met, came from Virginia for the pre-wedding parties and stuff. He's in the Navy and arrived in uniform. I guess the old saying about not being able to resist a guy in uniform is right because ever since then I can't get him off my mind. It doesn't help that he's a funny, nice man and seems to be flirting with me each time we're together. The wedding is in a week, but if his brother asked me to bed, I'd probably go. I don't know if I still want to marry my fiancé. Any advice?

Anne: Dee and I grew up Navy brats, so we know full well how irresistible men in uniforms are. But you need to step back here and think. You've been dating your fiancé for a year. You've known his brother for less than two weeks. Are you sure this isn't just pre-wedding jitters? Maybe nerves are making you question whether you're ready for the very important step of marriage, in which case you aren't alone. Most of us have a few doubts the closer the wedding comes. If you're sure that isn't the case, then you need to do some serious soul searching. If you marry your boyfriend, you're going to be seeing his brother at family events for years to come. If there's a real attraction, the situation is a time bomb ready to go off.

And has his brother actually flirted with you, or is he just being "a funny, nice man," and playing around because that's the way he is? If he's actually, seriously flirting, and there's the chance he would invite you to bed almost on the eve of his brother's marrying you, you need to rethink if this is the kind of man you'd want to get entangled with. Not a very nice brother.

Whatever, you need to evaluate your true feelings before you say "I do." Your boyfriend will most likely get over a broken heart and engagement faster than he will a broken heart and divorce if it turns out you don't really love him.

Dee: Are you serious? Ask yourself if your boyfriend would still want to marry you if he read this letter. Even if you weren't on the verge of holy matrimony, lusting after a guy's brother (or best friend, for that matter) is usually not appreciated. Turn the tables. How would you feel if the condom was on the other cock (so to speak), and you discovered your boyfriend had spent last night boinking your sister? Not so much fun, is it?

Listen, if the brother is hinting that he wants you in his bed and that's where you really, truly want to be, hey, take the leap. But be damn sure you're ready to lose everything--brother and fiancé--by doing so because that's probably what will happen. And if the brother's bed is where you really want to be, then yeah, you'd better say "I shouldn't," instead of "I do." Better now than later.