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Monday, September 27, 2010

When is Short Too Short?

Q: I have a bet with my mother. When is a dress too short?

Anne: It’s hard to answer such an open question. It depends a lot on where the dress is being worn. Personally, I think a dress higher than two inches above the knee is too short for the work environment, while maybe three or four inches above the knee might be fine for going out at night. Knee-length is right for church events. Does that settle the bet?

Dee: If the man you're with mentions a bush whacker, your dress might be too short, no matter where you are. If your boss suddenly says that he likes pussy cats more than puppy dogs, your dress is too short. If you’re walking down a city street, yet overhear comments about beavers, your dress is too short. And after catching a glimpse of your hemline, if a man drops his papers, loses his train of thought and stammers like a tongue-tied adolescent (which granted, isn’t all that hard to do to a guy), your dress is probably too short.

Use common sense.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Losing Control in Cleveland

Q: I feel stifled. I need adventure. Unfortunately I have a husband and two children under the age of 7. What can I do? I feel like I'll die if I stay as I am.

Anne: This sounds like something more than we can deal with, but first, what have you done to make your life more adventurous? Do you have friends who also have young children? If so, have you talked about sharing time so everyone gets a break now and then? Are both of your kids in school? If so, have you considered taking a class at a local school, too? You don't say, but what is your age and skill set? Have you considered a part-time job? There are many available now that you can do at home if you have a computer. I think perhaps you need to use a little imagination. But I also think you need to talk to someone closer to you and the situation. Maybe your husband or a family member, minister or friend.

Dee: I can advise you on how to spice up your sex life, lady, but beyond that you'll have to come up with a few ideas of your own. However, there's a lot of adventure to be found between the sheets. Make sure you plan and allow time for some sex time with your husband—it's an important part of any healthy marriage. (With two kids under 7 you might want to make sure your birth control is up to snuff.)

If a little creative fucking isn't enough to lift your spirits, then try some of what Anne advised. Don't let the feelings fester, though. Do something. Take control of your life.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Dressed for Success

Q: I just bought several new outfits for work. I bought everything on sale came home to show my sister all my bargains. She immediately turned up her nose and said that everything I bought was left over from summer fashion and it would show. Then I took a different look at my purchases and saw she was right—I have all light colors and thinner materials. I can't afford anything else but I don't want to look like a boob. What should I do?

Anne: Try using accessories to fill out the colors and add a little texture and heft. Scarves don't typically cost too much and add a great deal, for instance. Also, pair sweaters with your lighter wear, or jackets. They have the added advantage of layering so you'll be more comfortable in differing environments. Take heart! You saved money on your purchases and that's always a good way to start out. The fit of the clothes is of far more importance than the things your sister mentioned. Good luck at the new job!

Dee: I can't pretend to be a fashion nut like Anne. Her advice sounds good. I want to address your bitch of a sister. Tell her to fuck off. Who died and made her Fashion Queen? If you have clothes that fit and feel comfortable, go with them and let your sister be damned. I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Enjoying the Fruit of Our Labor on Labor Day

Hello all,

Anne and I are taking a short break, enjoying a long weekend. Hope your parades, cook outs and swim parties are filled with fun, family and love.