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Monday, February 22, 2010

Hasseled in Hampton

Q: I am an office manager and my boss is driving me crazy. Not only is he a controlling, stubborn jerk, he keeps finding ways to touch me or get me alone. Some of his comments to me are far from professional. In fact, some of them are down right dirty. Yesterday I found a pair of crotch-less panties in my top desk drawer. At mid-day he invited me out for "a tasty bite to eat." I just know he's the one with the Frederick's of Hollywood taste, but he's always careful not to say or do anything in front of others.

We're a fairly small, privately owned company with no actual HR department. In this economy, I can't afford to quit, yet I'm not sure how much longer I can stand to stay. What should I do?

Anne: Your state has an agency that handles sexual harassment issues. Call them or find an attorney who will represent you should you decide to take him to court. No one should have to put up with that kind of pressure, to select to be harassed or be out of work. Get relief from the state or sue the idiot. Make sure you talk to someone about what kind of proof or evidence you need so when you make a move you're successful. Good luck!

Dee: Perhaps you could try the dirty route. Agree to meet him. Wear the undies and let him feast. Just because he's a pig, who knows? Maybe he has a real talent in that arena. No reason to pass up a good orgasm. Then offer to return the favor. While he's naked and at his most vulnerable, whip out your cell phone and take a picture that you promise to make into a YouTube video and plaster all over the Internet if he doesn’t shape up--or if he fires you. Take his little short hairs in your fist and explain just how you feel about his attitude. Give his wanker a twist and then leave. By all means, burn the panties.

If that doesn't work, then I guess you could try Anne's wussy approach and see a lawyer or file a complaint. Frankly I'd rather lick someone in my own way. (Which is a truly delightful way, if I say so myself.)

Monday, February 15, 2010

Betrayed by a Friend

Q: ARGHHH! Please help. My best friend and I have lived separate lives in different states for several years. Just last week we got together for a mini-reunion and I find we have nothing in common anymore. I'm liberal, she's conservative. I'm a single career woman and she's a stay-at-home mom with three children and a husband. I'm a player, seeing two or three men at once and having sex almost every night of the week, and she seems happy with the same guy she's been married to for nine years. This woman and I were simpatico in every way when we roomed together in college. Now she's nothing like I remember. I feel betrayed.

Anne: Remember that old children's saying, "Make new friends but keep the old…?" Well, it's true. It might not seem as though you have much in common right now, but stay in touch, keep trying to reconnect. Maybe you have little to talk about now, but in another nine years, when her kids are older and you and she have entered new life cycles, you may find your friendship is as strong as it used to be.

Dee: So let me get this straight. She doesn't agree with your beliefs, life style or career choice and you don't agree with hers? Well, fuck it if you two can't take a joke. This is life. People change, grow apart and then come back together. Agree to disagree now and find something to laugh about. Life is hard and lonely enough at times without giving up a good friend simply because she's a stay-at-home mom who loves her husband and votes Republican. If you're not simpatico (and there's something to laugh at right there, someone who still says simpatico), chalk it up to growing up. Believe me, when even more water has run under the proverbial bridge, a hell of a lot more will have changed, for both of you. Get used to it.

BTW, congrats on having sex so often. Way to go!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Ring-ring! Husband Calling.

Q: I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. BUT, whenever I'm away from home he calls me three or four times a day. I often travel to my mother's or to our second home. At either place, I have things to do. When he phones, it's always at an inconvenient time, and it's almost always to tell me something that's unimportant--or at least could wait. When I'm short with him, he says it doesn't sound as though I miss him and he's hurt. I've tried asking him to call between two times (like 5:30 - 6:00) but he still calls whenever he has something to say. What can I do to get through to him?

Anne: Is this a trust issue? Surely your husband knows you aren't out running around on him if you go to help your mother or completing work at your other home. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will call him nightly (or at some time you agree on), and you would appreciate not receiving calls at other times unless there's an emergency. With a specified time he knows you will talk, he might save all of his news or comments for then.

Dee: WTF? Your husband calls you multiple times during the day to chat? When he knows you're tied up with chores and other things to do? I mean, it's nice to know he misses you, but tell him to grow up, for Christ's sake. You're his wife, not his mommy.

It seems to me that two adults can restrain themselves to talking once a day when they're away from each other unless there is business to transact. As Anne said, set a time to talk and then make sure you are ready to spend a few minutes with him at that time. If he can't get that through his head, then whenever he calls, tell him you're in the middle of xxx and say, "Here, honey, talk to my mother because I really don't have time right now." I'm pretty sure he won't keep calling when he shouldn't.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Semper Fi Myself

Q: My fiancé is a Marine in the Middle East. I love him and he loves me but he always thinks I'm cheating on him. If I tell him I've gone out with friends, he asks if there were men there. If I don't mention going out, he thinks I'm hiding something from him. I don't know how to prove I'm faithful and in love with him. Any suggestions?

Anne: Is he like this when he's home? If so, I'd say you have a serious problem with your relationship. No couple can withstand constant jealousy or lack of trust. Send him a copy of this column. Let him see your frustration. All I can say is, keep reassuring him. Hopefully he will come to see your heart is his. I'm praying for his safety and speedy return.

Dee: It's easy to doubt something good in life when you're facing the worst every day. I have to ask, though, have you ever before given him reason to distrust you? 99.9% of military wives are true and live for their men to come home. It's that .1% every military man dreads, so if you've cheated before that might be reason enough for him to think you could cheat again. If you go out with friends to bars (where, sad to say, men might try to pick you up or, sadder to say, you might be the picker instead of the pickee), as opposed to church dinners, then he might worry, even if you've been purer than Caesar's wife in the past. Or it could be that he's just fearful you might cheat no matter what you have or haven't done before--in which case you two need to talk with someone and try to work things out before the wedding.

Semper fi!