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Saturday, August 11, 2012

New Home

Sorry to have been absent these past couple of weeks. Anne and I--and Francis and a new member of the family--are moving to a new site, and will be creating a new blog. Together, we are Nomad Authors. This is fitting because we never seem to stay in one place for long.

Our new family member is Jenna Stewart, a writer of menage romances, exclusive to Menage Everlasting at Siren Publishing. Now, in one place, you can find the finest in sweet romance, erotioc romance, menage romance and romance that takes you to the edge.

Here's a view:
video

I hope you will join us!
Dee and Anne

Monday, July 23, 2012

Doggie or Doggie Style? They're Very Different

Q: My neighbor's dog barks all the time. I've asked him to do something about it but he keeps leaving him outside, which means right outside our bedroom window. If he isn't barking, he's wining to get in. He's a good dog—I don't blame him. I just think if you own a dog, you should care for him and still have some concern for the neighbors. Since I've already spoken to him and don't really want to call the police because we are neighbors and I have to live in the area, what else can I do?

Anne: Check the statutes in your area related to noise pollution and see if barking dogs are part of them. You might talk with a city council person to see if they have ideas. But you might have to hint that you are going to take action unless the dog owner does something. The trouble with hints and threats is that you have to be willing to follow through.

Dee: This is not my area. If you had asked about lordosis (doggy style) and its variants I would have had some tidbits of wisdom, but about doggies in general? Nope. Sorry. You're barking up the wrong sister.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Jokes Are Dead Wrong for This Guy

Q: I am a mortician. I'm used to all the jokes and stories made up about morticians, but it bothers me when my girlfriend takes part. I've told her over and over that I get that kind of thing enough from others, and that I take my job seriously. It's important. But she continues. What can I do to get her to stop?

Anne: Well, maybe nothing. If you've explained how you feel and she doesn't care to pay attention, maybe that's a hint as to how she feels about you. Or maybe your profession makes her nervous. Are there any other problems? You should examine your relationship beyond jokes made about your job.

Dee: Maybe she continues to make jokes because   well, shit, maybe because she finds such jokes funny. It's a release from (what you have to admit) is kind of a macabre, dark profession. Maybe you should joke back. Let her know that yes, your job is really important and yes, it's a serious profession, but that you can appreciate the way she needs to handle release from that.

Or tell her that when she tells jokes about dead bodies and such that it makes you hot and that you must have sex or a BJ every time you hear such jokes. Then follow through. Either she will give up the jokes or you'll have lots of fucking added to your life. Either way, it's not so bad, right?

Monday, July 9, 2012

Exposed Problems

Q: I took my daughter out for dinner over the weekend. I only see her every other weekend. She's six, going on twenty, I've discovered. Over hamburgers she asked me what boys do with their penises. I asked her why she asked and she said that mommy's boyfriend walks around the house naked and when she asked what the thing was hanging in front, he said a penis. I was so furious I couldn't think of what to say. I finally did stumble over a brief explanation that little boys and girls have different bodies because God had different plans for us, but I didn't go into any great detail, or try to explain sex. But I do want to know what my ex wife is thinking. And doing. And exposing my daughter to. What should I do?

Anne: See your lawyer. You don't say how long you've been divorced, but especially if it's been a recent event, you need to get things straightened out as soon as possible. And talk to your ex. Let her know you're concerned and that your daughter is asking questions.

Dee: There is nothing wrong with the human body or even exposing it to children—in the right circumstances. That does not sound like the case here. At any rate, you have the right to know what your child is seeing and hearing. Lucky you that she trusted you enough to ask questions. Anne is right. Let your ex know that you don't appreciate boyfriends walking around in the nude, and also contact your attorney. This isn't something you want to come back later and have anyone say that you knew and took no action.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Happy Fourth of July!

Anne and I want to wish everyone a wonderful, happy Independence Day celebration. Please remember our men and women overseas, fighting to protect us and keep us safe so we can have hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and watch fireworks. God bless them, their families and all of us.

See you next week!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Friend or Boyfriend?

Q: My boyfriend and I attended a party at the house of my good friend. We were having a good time and shared a hot kiss early in the evening. When it was getting time to go home and I couldn’t find him, I went looking. Yes, you guessed it, I found him and my friend in a very compromising position. Not having sex, but I think they would have if not discovered. My friend’s husband was right in the other room! My boyfriend was obviously embarrassed and upset. He apologized all the way home and protested that he’d had too much to drink. My girlfriend called the next day and told me the same—that she’d had too much to drink, that she’s never done anything like that before and never would again. I hesitated to write about this problem, but I can’t stop thinking about them together. Should I forgive and forget? I'm feeling childish, but I can't help it.

Anne: You are not being childish in this situation. And I’m sure you aren’t alone, either. My advice is to examine your whole relationship, not just what happened on one night. Has your boyfriend ever given you cause to doubt him before? If he’s been good and faithful other than that one evening, then I think there’s reason enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’d let him know that drinking is not an excuse to behave as though there are no consequences.

As for your friend, I guess the same is true. Has she ever given you cause to distrust her? If not, and since she’s a good friend, maybe you should give her another chance. Everyone has said or done things they regret after mixing good times with alcohol—maybe even you have. So examine your heart and see if you can’t find something to save out of this mess.

Dee: Get real! Since the first fermentation of grapes, men have claimed they wouldn’t have done XXX (insert stupid behavior) if only they hadn’t had too much grog or wine or Cuervo or whatever. It’s a stupid excuse—and one any woman with half a brain should see through. Our mom used to say—and Anne you should remember this—that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. In my opinion, that goes for actions, too. Honey, that old goat was doing what he wanted and using the age-old excuse of booze to justify it.

Now as for the woman, if she isn’t a really good friend, find people to hang out with who have your best interests more at heart. But if she is a valued part of your life, I might cut her some slack. There are lots of bottom-feeders in the fish pond but only a few really good girlfriends.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Too Much Sex - Is There Such a Thing??

Q: I am a normal male in the 20-30 age group, with what I think is a normal interest in sex. But not according to my girlfriend, who seems to want it constantly. Lately, she's been harping that we need to have sex more because it's a good way for her to keep her weight down—burning calories and all that. I say it's bunk. If she's been gaining weight (and she has put on a few pounds in the last few months) then she should stop eating so much, or take up running or something, and leave me out of it. We've been dating for  two years, and I don't know what's brought up this irrational interest in doing the dirty all of a sudden. Any thoughts?

Anne: While any physical activity burns some calories, you would have to have a lot of sex for long periods each time in order to use it as a weight control program. View the information on Livestrong.com to see what I mean. It seems the better question here is the one you posed at the end: why is this coming up now? What has changed in your relationship for her to want more? And that's something you can only discover through a discussion.

Dee: I prefer Robert Wieder's humorous version of CalorieLab's data. How many calories are burned in oral sex as opposed to Oral Roberts sex? Have a good laugh and then a good fuck, I always say.

Look, you should break up with this girl. You two are obviously not suited, and I'm not laying blame on either of you. But your letter screams that you're having problems, and probably not just with sex. You say your girlfriend is "harping," that you see she's gaining weight but your solutions have nothing to do with you, and that she has an "irrational interest in doing the dirty." Any man who considers a woman who wants lots of sex to be irrational is either totally uninterested in her or irrational himself. Split up with her and do both of you a favor.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Those Sexy Waxes


Q: I’ve been considering getting a bikini wax. What do you think?

Waxing Poetic in Virginia

Anne: “Waxing Poetic.” Haha. Clever name. But on to the question. I have to admit, I know nothing about waxing so I looked it up online. Color me surprised when I found there are several types of ways to wax pubic hair and hair around the anus. I mean, you can take all of it off or parts of it. Who knew? To tell you the truth, it all sounded painful. I mean, have you ever waxed your eyebrows? Or under your arms? OUCH! Just the thought of causing pain “down there,” is enough to make me appreciate the hair God gave me and to leave it alone. Plus, there are health concerns, did you know? For instance, if you have diabetes, you shouldn’t get waxed. Or if you’re pregnant. (Who the hell—pardon my French—would worry about getting it done if you’re about to give birth??) I wouldn’t do it, so how could I advise you to do any different?

Dee: I know my good friend Lee Silver (author of The Twist) is probably brave enough to engage in a full wax job or at least a sexy Brazilian job (most likely named for the women in New York who invented the wax, not the country). Lee, fess up, Woman!

Now for once I have to agree with Anne—this sounds painful. So why would any woman go through with it? I’m not sure but I think it’s because men LOVE it! They love the smoothness of the skin, the lack of hair for oral sex (for those wonderful men who GIVE oral sex, the lazy bastards), and (let’s face it) the sense of the forbidden when their lover feels like a young girl. What pervs!

So you know all those times we as women of the Lib Era said we should NOT dress for men, act for men, or live our lives for men? Well, forget it when it comes to ripping out public hair by the roots. Does the thought bring tears to your eyes? Suck it up! You’ll thank your Brazilian waxer when your man sighs in your ear and can’t wait to keep you up all night with hot sex of all varieties.

Put that way, where’re those Yellow Pages??

Monday, June 4, 2012

This Girl Wants SEX--In the Best Way or Worst


Q: My God! My girlfriend is demanding sex three and four times a day all of a sudden. I'm virile and my spirit is willing, but the flesh just can't take it. I can't study, I can't read or watch TV without her climbing on me and wanting my cock inside her. She even got her bush waxed! I asked her what she ate that made her like this—she used to be sweet and unassuming, giving me sex whenever I wanted it, but never initiating—and she got mad. Said if I couldn't give her what she needed, she'd find someone who could. I'm afraid to have the guys over to watch a ballgame for fear she might have a different "ball game" in mind. What the hell do I do??


Anne: Something has changed for this woman and I suggest you find out quickly what it is. She doesn't do drugs or anything, does she? Has she changed her friends? Taken a feminine empowerment class or something? You can't address the situation until you know the root cause, so look for that.


Dee: What the hell is wrong with you??? She has obviously discovered what you haven't pointed out to her yet: Women love sex, too. And not by being "sweet and unassuming," available at your beck and call. Someone has alerted her to her sexuality, and it wasn't you, Bud.

So. Your choices are what?

  • You start taking vitamins and working out instead of sitting on your butt watching TV. That way maybe you'd be able to keep up with her.
  • You call your friends over regularly and have sex with the girlfriend night. (Not recommended unless the two of you are into kinky stuff.)
  • Make a trip to Adam and Eve.com and buy her some toys. That way she can satisfy herself. On those times you join in the fun, it will be even better for her. The remote control egg can bring a woman off in under a minute and it's always ready and willing. Or maybe try a nice rabbit that does the pussy and clit at the same time.
  • Be imaginative, jerk, and find alternative ways to satisfy her when you're a little tired or have a headache. (Poor baby.) By that, I mean suck her off. Learn to be the world's greatest expert in cunnilingus, and she'll be yours forever.

There are a lot of guys out there who would love to have your problem, you know. A woman who wants to fuck all the time? A blessing, man, a blessing. And if you don't do something like what I've described above, one of them is going to end up with your girlfriend.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Remembering...

You all know Anne and I come from a military family, and so does Jack. Please join us in remembering those who have fallen or have been injured in protecting our great country. Please also keep their families in your prayers--they serve, too!

See you next week.

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Programmer and the Lady


Q: What is the attraction of working class men to career women? I'm a programmer. I make a decent salary, I dress well, and (if I may say so) am very intelligent. I have a clear idea of the kind of woman I want: beautiful, a particular height and weight, intelligent, a lady who had a career. But whenever I meet someone who comes close to matching my desires, she didn't want a steady, smart guy like me, she wanted a construction worker, or a biker. I'm honestly perplexed. What's wrong with women these days??
Anne: You mean besides the fact some of us have become as shallow as men? Really, look at your list. You won't consider a beautiful, intelligent woman over a "particular height and weight"? Give me a break. You need to be looking at the woman inside the body, not the outside shell for a real relationship. Looks come and go, but substance lasts forever. 

Dee: Yeah, substance is good, but there's more to it than that. There's something sensual about calloused fingers stroking breasts and legs rather than pampered and manicured hands. Of course, there's the sensation of smoothing your hands over firm muscles instead of flab, and there's also the image of a working man having staying power in the sack because of the shape he's in. No PC, mamby-pamby desk jockey, a working man has the strength and confidence to verbalize what he wants (and what he wants to do to you), and then carry it out, without one eye on the Blackberry and a hand reaching for the cell phone to schedule the next meeting. 

A desk jockey—even a well-paid, intelligent programmer—has a lot to prove. A woman already knows that a bull rider knows what to do with a rope, and that a biker can put something hard and strong between her legs. Prove you can fuck a woman to death rather than code her into boredom, and you might have a shot.

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Benefits of Travel


Q: I have worked all my life and now I want to take time and travel. Unfortunately, I'm married to a home-body. How can I convince my wife of the wonders of traveling the world?

Anne: Travel companies compose their brochures to show the very best of the places they travel, Choose places you're interested in and find some brochures. The pictures and descriptions should entice her into getting out and around.

Dee: Use sex. (Yeah, right. Like you don't already know how to do that.) But I mean find places that encourage the activity. I know for a fact that many of the houses uncovered in Pompeii are covered in graphic depictions of people fucking. You'll turn an ankle hurrying back to the hotel. And there's a temple in Thailand that boasts the same, including anal sex and blowjobs. Suggest you go to India, home of the Kama Sutra, where you might take a few hours to study the text—or at least the pictures. That's what I always look at.

Travel doesn't always have to be about learning another culture in polite, in-company ways. There could be a lot for the two of you to explore with (and in) each other if you choose your travels well. Good luck!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Anniversary Blues

Q: My wife keeps forgetting our anniversary. How can I remind her?


Anne: Send her a note a week or so beforehand inviting her to dinner to celebrate a "special day." Hard to forget that.

Dee: Screw her brains out every night for about a week ahead. She still might not remember the date but neither of you will care.

Monday, April 30, 2012

How Can I Write Like You?


Q: I want to write books like you two do. How should I go about it?

Anne: First of all, you can't write like us, nor should you want to. Writing is an individual accomplishment. Find a story you want to tell. Learn the mechanics of writing a novel or novella or whatever format and genre you want to write. Read a lot of those kinds of books so you know what sells and how to go about formulating a good story. There are all kinds of Internet sources and workshops that will help get you started off right. Then write, write, write. Ask for help if you need it. Ask for someone else who writes to read your material and give you feedback.

And write.

Dee: Think of a story you want to tell. Make a brief outline—without a lot of details—of what the beginning is, what the ending is and what is going to happen in the middle. Write out characteristics about your main characters: their looks, their siblings, if any, their jobs, what they want to do in life, why they haven't already done it, and something they as characters would never do (somewhere in the story you will make them do it). Read all kinds of advice on how to write, including what Anne and I have said here, and throw it in the trash, except for the parts that feel right to you.

And then, to parrot my dear sister, write. That's the only way you learn what works and doesn't.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Half-Baked Ideas


Q: I want to lose weight. My knees are bothering me and my cholesterol is high. But my husband is retired with time on his hands and he is spending it making cookies and all kinds of other goodies. He has diabetes, so he makes a lot of things sugar-free but that doesn't mean the fat is low. I don't want to dissuade him or harp, but I have asked him to stop. He thinks he's pleasing me. I wish he would go out and get a part-time job.

Anne: Show him your weight and cholesterol reading. In fact, if it's not too embarrassing, post them on the refrigerator. Whenever he makes something you shouldn't have, wave the note under his nose and tell him once more why you shouldn't be eating that kind of food. You could also post job listings on the 'fridge…

Dee: Tell him that baking cookies = no sex. I've never known a man to ignore that message.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Bed At 8, Sex Never

Q: This sounds sill, I know, but I have a problem. My wife gets up early to go t work, so she goes to bed at 8:00 PM or sometimes earlier. I can't go to sleep that early, so I go around 11:00 or sometimes midnight. She complains the next day if I wake her up for sex when I go to bed. She doesn't want to wake me up at 3:00 AM when she gets up because she says sex makes her sleepy and she would want to roll over and go to sleep again. How can we resolve this?

Anne: Can't you go and have sex (when the two of you are interested) when she goes to bed? Then you can get up again.

Dee: For God's sake, she doesn't care if you sleep, just that you fuck her when she goes to bed once in awhile. Make it a cuddle time every night until she falls asleep. What—you got something better to do? Or TV to watch? That's why God invented DVRs and TIVO. Now, go have sex with your wife and stop screwing around.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Q: My partner in life wants me to go sky diving. I am not a risk taker. Up to this point, opposites have attracted with us—he rock climbs, hang glides, and explores underwater caves. He says he wants us to dive together and experience a climax in free-fall. My idea of high excitement is reading about someone who climbs Everest, not doing it. He's been pestering me for months, but now he is pushing me into it by making the appointment. I do not want to go. We screw plenty enough on the ground; I don't need to fuck at 25,000 feet while watching the Earth approach at lightning speed. He says I'm a pussy and that if I don't start doing things with him, our relationship might not last.

Anne: Don't go. It's as simple as that. Tell him you will not go whether he makes an appointment or not and then stick to that. If it's a deal breaker for the relationship, you have to be ready to accept that.

Dee: I have one question: how much sex is "plenty enough?" I've never reached that point I guess. Please send the answer in return e-mail.

Now, ask yourself this—what if. What if you go up in the plane after packing your parachute under strict supervision? What if you're given a crash course (no pun intended) in how to jump and land safely? What if you take lots of deep breaths and go out of that plane of your own free will? Finally, what if you two hook up in free fall and you have the best fucking orgasm you've ever had in your life, an orgasm you won't forget for the rest of your life? High emotion, like fear and breathtaking thrill tend to enhance other experiences, like sex.

Worth the risk? Only you know. Supposedly sky diving is safer than driving to the airport. But if you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it. It's as simple as that.

Don't forget to send me that magic "plenty enough" number.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Old, Unexpected Friends

Q: A friend has popped up out of the blue after six years. Says she needs help but when I spoke with her on the phone she sound loopy—like she's on drugs. Turns out, she is on medications for some undefined illness. She has a project she wants me to work on, and she wants me to drop everything to do it. I have a full-time job and two part-time jobs just to keep my head above water. I'm willing to help, but on my time schedule, which she's unhappy about. Now she's bugging me with emails and phone calls. I almost feel stalked. What can I do?

Anne: Is her illness serious? If she's on meds you can't necessarily trust anything she's telling you. Advise her to get back to her doctor and call you again when her health problems—and the medications—are straightened out.

Dee: If she's a friend, I can see why it's hard to turn her away. But it also sounds as though you have enough on your plate. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to keep with her doctor. Also tell her that you have other things to do and that her project has to take its place in your schedule. It might be hard to do since she's obviously not quite the person you remember, but tell her that if she doesn't give you time to work as you need to, that you won't be able to do anything for her at all. I'm not saying to tell her to fuck off, but after this many years, her problem is not your problem—unless you let it be. Good luck!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Q: My best friend—who also is my boyfriend—has been lying to me. He's been sleeping with my other best friend, who is also a guy! We're in our late twenties, so I feel so high school complaining about this, but I have to vent to someone. What do I do? If I cut them off for the lying, cheating bastards they are, I lose the two people closest to me.

Anne: You can't trust either of them. You're better off developing new friendships than trying to rehabilitate them. I say dump them for newer, improved versions.

Dee: Hell, try a threesome. Two guys, one you… Sounds fucking fantastic if you ask me (which you did).

Monday, March 19, 2012

Facebook Faceoff

Q: I just found out my girlfriend posted a naked picture of me on her Facebook page. She thinks it's funny and "adorable" because she says I have a killer body. I think it's disgusting. I don't work out 6 days a week for her to display me like a piece of meat. What can I do?

Anne: Good Lord! Break up with this girl! She obviously doesn't understand or respect you.

Dee: What's the URL?

Monday, March 12, 2012

Hubba-hubba Husband

Q: My husband wants to learn to strip. My husband!!! He says there's a good amount of money to be made fr male strippers, not only at clubs (yes, there's a male strip club nearby), but for parties and such. He's good looking and stays in shape, He's been out of work for the past eleven months, so I hate to say no, but I don't want him to do it. What can I say to convince him?

Anne: Help him find something else. Scour the papers and craigslist and any other outlet for work you can find. I have to believe there's something around other than taking his clothes off. Maybe you'll have to move somewhere for work? Would you be willing?

Dee: Yes, he would be taking off his clothes in front of drinking, sex-starved women. And yes, they would be ogling him with lust in their hearts and minds. Sure, they will be trying to stick their hands down his shorts in an effort to leave a puny dollar bill, and okay, a few might wait for him out back and want to fuck a little. But where's the harm?? Give the guy a break. It takes a lot of courage to get up in front of a howling crowd and show his package. He's willing to do it for his family. What are you willing to let him do?

Really. Examine your heart. If he should take this job, will you leave him? Fight with him every night? Make his (and your own) life miserable? If you trust him not to sow his seed with every backstage groupie, then I say let him try it. If you don't trust him, that's a different problem than what you wrote about.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Wants Another Child (NOT!)

Q: My husband wants another baby. The one we have now is only a year old and I'm already run ragged. I'm not even sure I want any more kids, much less another at this point. What can I say to convince him to wait?

Anne: People who don't take care for children don't know how much it takes to do so. Can you go on a trip for a few days and leave your child for your husband to take care of? That might give him an idea of the energy required. And you should also explain in no uncertain terms that you don’t have the energy or desire for another child right now. Make sure you're clear.

Dee: He likes to practice making kids. Do you? If so, fuck like bunnies—and make sure you’re on good, reliable birth control. Tell hubby that you are and why, and don't give into bullying or unfair persuasion. If sex is what he likes (and what you like) then have at it. If you don't like sex, then that's a different ballgame. In that case, seek help.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Wifely Education

Q: My wife is in college—again. This is the third time she's attempted to get an undergraduate degree. The first two times she didn't get beyond the second semester of the second year. That's about when she burns out, decides she doesn't want to do what she's in school for, and drops out. Within a few years, she's back at it. This is her third attempt and her third major area of study. She isn't working to help pay for this crap and I'm having to support the household and take care of two kids because she's "studying." That also means there's no time for sex. I'm sick of this, but don't know what to do about it.

Anne: It's admirable for someone to want to go back to school, but I think she needs some guidance. Have her see her school counselor and take an aptitude test of some sort. That might direct her to specific course of study where she is really passionate and can succeed. Once she does succeed, you may find you were happy she went back for her degree. College graduates make more money than non-graduates, so she'll be better able to contribute to the household finances.

Dee: She must have had time to do something besides school—you knocked her up twice at least. So unless you plan to keep her barefoot and pregnant in an effort to keep her out of college, it sounds as though the two of you should sit down and form a plan. If she's too scattered in what she likes to develop a plan for success in school, help her do it. Obviously she wants a degree or she wouldn't keep at it. So help her find a way to do it right. It sounds as though you're giving her support. Maybe grudgingly, but you're giving it. Make sure the support you give pays off. Be a man and not such a whiner. Help your wife be all she can be, and maybe she'll help you by getting on her knees once in awhile in gratitude.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Someone Needs to Grow Up in Greeville

Q: I met a great woman in the grocery store last week. In fact, we struck it off so well standing in line, I asked her out for coffee. We spent a whole two hours talking and laughing. Just when I was about to ask her out for a real date, she dropped the news that she's a stripper at a local dive. It might make me shallow, but my interest went down immediately. I took her number but haven't called her yet. I know my mother would kill me if she knew I was dating a stripper, and how would I introduce her to my friends?

Anne: Look, you had a good time with this lady. You had no idea of her profession before she told you, so she doesn't "act" like a stripper—whatever that means. If you like her, see her. Let the rest take care of itself.

Dee: Are you out of your mind? You liked her. She liked you. By a fucking pole for the living room and enjoy your good fortune. You found a woman who has a mind and sense of humor and a good body. Are you getting the picture here?? If you won't go out with someone you like because you're afraid of what mommy would think, then you don't need a pussy for entertainment, you are a pussy. If she'd said she was a prostitute with her own street corner, I'd feel differently. But a dancer? For Pete's sake, bite the bullet and grow a set.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Coupon Book Valentine Gift

Q: Every year my husband gives me flowers or candy for Valentine's Day. I don't mean to imply that things have gotten boring between us sexually. Or maybe I do. This year—our seventh married Valentine's Day—I want something to shake things up. What are your suggestions?

Anne: A romantic weekend retreat. No matter where you live there is someplace you can go to be alone for a day or two. Give him an IOU coupon book. With a daily coupon for a week, you agree to give him something he wants: a back rub, his favorite meal, relief from taking out the trash, and so on. That would be very different, I'll bet.

Dee: The coupon book is a good idea. Here are some ideas for each day: a blow job; surprise him by wearing no underwear when you go out; use a vibrator on yourself in front of him; go out to dinner wearing an egg—and give him the remote; buy and wear some sexy lingerie; send the kids to mom's and rent an adult movie—then act out a scene; arrange to "meet" in a bar or restaurant and pick each other up as though you were strangers. Or, you could probably promise to give head every night and I'm sure he'd be happy. If that doesn't shake things up, find a good lawyer because honey, something's up the creek.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Eating or Not -- Girlfriend's Dilemma

Q: I love it when my boyfriend eats me, but he doesn't seem to get all that much pleasure. I want him to do it more, so how can I encourage him?

Anne: Stay clean and sweet-smelling. Bathe beforehand. Are you shaved? I would think that helps. I'm inexperienced in this area, so I'm kinda guessing.

Dee: Bathing is a good idea before, if possible. I mean, think of how you like going down on him. Better when he hasn't just come off the flag football field or from the gym, right? Second, men seem to like a woman who's shaven. At least trim your bush. Maybe that's what he objects to? (And maybe you object to that in him, too, but will he shave for you? Hell no. So don't shave to please him if you don't want to.)

Assuming you do want to shave, make sure you follow a good procedure designed for women. (http://adameve.com) We can't shave our pussies the way men shave their faces. Try this web site:
http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com/shaving_your_kitty.htm
or this forum:
http://forums.backpage.com/showthread.php?t=12331
yukonboy has great tips.

If your boyfriend still doesn't enjoy cunnilingus, ask him what his problem is. A lot of men like to be blown but don't like to return the favor, the selfish bastards. Hopefully, smelling pretty and going hairless for awhile wil turn him around. Good luck!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Football Casualty

Q: My boyfriend is all into football and his favorite team lost today. Now he's all pissy. This has happened the past two years now. When his team badly, he's impossible to live with until they win again. He has even hit me once or twice when I've tried to talk him out of his mood. It's like this every fall—the rest of the year he's fine. What should I do?

Anne: Do you actually live with him? Because if so, maybe you should vacate the premises for the autumn. If not, call a hiatus for football season—maybe he'll get the hint that he's not fun to be around when he's acting juvenile.

Dee: Punt his ass down the field of broken relationships. Any man that raises his hand to a woman is an asshole. When he does it because his football game lost makes him a fucking asshole. And I don't care how great he is during the rest of the year. No need to try to make a pass or rush for a touchdown. He'll drop the ball every time. Call a foul and toss him out of the game.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Resolutions? Bah! Hum bug!

Q: I hate resolutions yet every year I make them. Are there tips I can use to keep them?

Anne: Instead of making several resolutions, make only one or two you feel a real commitment to. That's commitment, not a passing interest. Choose something you passionately want to do. Ask for help to keep the resolution if you need it—maybe ask a friend to run with you if getting more exercise is your goal, or something like that. If you don't keep the resolution anyway, don't beat yourself up, but do take responsibility and own up to it.

Dee: Good grief, I never make resolutions. But if I did, here's the one I would make. I try to do it now: Resolve to live each day and each moment as though it was the most special time in your life—because it is.

Happy New Year, and fuck the resolutions!

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Happiest of New Year!

Wishing you a happy and blessed New Year.

Yes, we know it's actually Jan 2, but we're taking an extra day. Please come back next week!

Love,
Dee and Anne