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Monday, June 27, 2011

A Very Worried Sister

Q: I have reason to believe my brother-in-law is planning to harm my sister. I don't have proof, just a suspicion. What should I do?

Anne: Good heavens! How sure are you? Enough to go to authorities, warn your sister, take action if there are children involved? Or do you have a good enough imagination that you're stretching the facts? If you think there is real, imminent danger, talk to your sister—or brother-in-law. But if you're not sure there's really something imminent, remember that words can't be taken back and you will be affecting family dynamics forever.

Dee: First off, stop watching the Investigation Discovery network. Next, make damn sure you have your facts straight. You don't want to be the sister who says, "I knew something was wrong and I should have said something," but you also don't want to be the one who isn't included at Christmas because no one is speaking to you.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Overweight Sister

Q: My sister is fat. I mean F-A-T. Over 250 pounds and she's not that tall. I've told her for years that she needs t lose weight, but she says I'm picking on her because I'm her big brother and should leave her alone. She's 28 and still not married. I know her weight is the reason. How can I make her see how unattractive she makes herself?

Anne: Here's an idea, why don't you leave her alone? If you had said that she was miserable with her state or you worried about her health, I might have some sympathy for your view. But she's 28 and not married?? I think you might be picking on her because you're her big brother. Lay off.

Dee: Who died and made you God? If it comes to appearances, unzip and drop trou, Mister. Let's see how you compare in the looks department. Someone as annoying as you seem to be from this one letter won't measure up, I'm sure.

Monday, June 13, 2011

I'm Dreaming of a White Wedding

Q: I went shopping for my wedding gown yesterday. This is my third wedding and my best friend tells me that I shouldn't wear white. I want to, but now she's made me feel self-conscious. I think she's just jealous because I've already been married twice and she hasn't been married at all. What do you say? It's my wedding and I should be able to do what I want.

Anne: I think you answered your own question in that last line—it's your wedding. Ultimately, if people think a white gown is strange, it was still what you wanted. To tell the truth, I wonder how many people care these days about who wears white at weddings. With the exception of your friend, of course.

BTW, I think your comment about her being jealous is a little snarky. She's your friend, right? Maybe she's just trying to save you from gossip.

Dee: Jeez, I want to meet you, woman. Still a virgin after two marriages!! That must be a record. Does Guinness know about you?

Anne may be right that no one cares anymore, but good Lord. You've had two bites of the apple, Eve. Wearing white is a little in your past isn't it? White gowns are supposed to represent virginity, you know? You could maybe get by with white for the second wedding, but the third?

Give it a rest. Choose a pretty dress in a pastel. The groom really only wants to get you out of the dress, so he doesn't care about style or color. Why should you? Save some money and talk behind your back--don't wear white.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Overweight in Oklahoma

Q: My mother is always bugging me about my weight. I know I weigh more than I should but my boyfriend doesn't seem to care. We've been together for more than a year and he says he loves me no matter what. But my mom won't leave me alone. How can I tell her to lay off and not make her upset? We work together so a mad partner would be horrible to deal with every day.

Anne: Well, how much overweight are you? If your health is in danger then your mom is worried about that, I'm sure. If you're just a small number of pounds over and she thinks you don't look the way you did in high school, that's a different story. Get word from your doctor about your health and present those facts to your mom—unless your doctor agrees with your mom. Then maybe the time has come to listen and try to do something in your own best interests.

Dee: If sex is still fun, that's in your favor. However, if sex could be better without some of the flab, take it off, woman! Yeah, your man might love you no matter what—and it's great that he feels that way—but if sex starts to go because of a few pounds, he'll soon change his mind. Health, schmealth. It's how good the sex is that makes the determination of what you should do. I'm not sure exactly how you can explain that to your mom, though.