Ring-ring! Husband Calling.

Q: I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. BUT, whenever I'm away from home he calls me three or four times a day. I often travel to my mother's or to our second home. At either place, I have things to do. When he phones, it's always at an inconvenient time, and it's almost always to tell me something that's unimportant--or at least could wait. When I'm short with him, he says it doesn't sound as though I miss him and he's hurt. I've tried asking him to call between two times (like 5:30 - 6:00) but he still calls whenever he has something to say. What can I do to get through to him?

Anne: Is this a trust issue? Surely your husband knows you aren't out running around on him if you go to help your mother or completing work at your other home. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will call him nightly (or at some time you agree on), and you would appreciate not receiving calls at other times unless there's an emergency. With a specified time he knows you will talk, he might save all of his news or comments for then.

Dee: WTF? Your husband calls you multiple times during the day to chat? When he knows you're tied up with chores and other things to do? I mean, it's nice to know he misses you, but tell him to grow up, for Christ's sake. You're his wife, not his mommy.

It seems to me that two adults can restrain themselves to talking once a day when they're away from each other unless there is business to transact. As Anne said, set a time to talk and then make sure you are ready to spend a few minutes with him at that time. If he can't get that through his head, then whenever he calls, tell him you're in the middle of xxx and say, "Here, honey, talk to my mother because I really don't have time right now." I'm pretty sure he won't keep calling when he shouldn't.

Semper Fi Myself

Q: My fiancé is a Marine in the Middle East. I love him and he loves me but he always thinks I'm cheating on him. If I tell him I've gone out with friends, he asks if there were men there. If I don't mention going out, he thinks I'm hiding something from him. I don't know how to prove I'm faithful and in love with him. Any suggestions?

Anne: Is he like this when he's home? If so, I'd say you have a serious problem with your relationship. No couple can withstand constant jealousy or lack of trust. Send him a copy of this column. Let him see your frustration. All I can say is, keep reassuring him. Hopefully he will come to see your heart is his. I'm praying for his safety and speedy return.

Dee: It's easy to doubt something good in life when you're facing the worst every day. I have to ask, though, have you ever before given him reason to distrust you? 99.9% of military wives are true and live for their men to come home. It's that .1% every military man dreads, so if you've cheated before that might be reason enough for him to think you could cheat again. If you go out with friends to bars (where, sad to say, men might try to pick you up or, sadder to say, you might be the picker instead of the pickee), as opposed to church dinners, then he might worry, even if you've been purer than Caesar's wife in the past. Or it could be that he's just fearful you might cheat no matter what you have or haven't done before--in which case you two need to talk with someone and try to work things out before the wedding.

Semper fi!

Football, Schmookball. It Can't Compete With Austen

From an e-mail sent moments ago:

Q: Hey, Anne and Dee. I bet my little brother $15 that the Jets would beat Indianapolis and that the Saints would beat the Vikings. Now the little fucker refuses to pay up. He's 24 years old. Don't you think he should stop acting like a child and pay what he owes?

Anne: Sorry, I didn't watch the games. Emma was on Masterpiece Theatre tonight. However, if you won, then your brother should pay what he owes.

Dee: You dumb shit, New York didn't beat Indianapolis. The Superbowl will be played between the Colts and the Saints. Keep up with the conversation.