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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Q: My boyfriend of two years says he loves me and has invited me to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner. On previous visits, they’ve made no secret of the fact that they hate my clothing, my hair, my job (beautician)—virtually everything about me. What should I do?

Not Too Thankful for Dinner

Anne: Talk to your boyfriend, Not Too Thankful. He says he loves you so he should step up to the plate and defend you to his parents. I’m sure he will! And maybe this will be what they need to see the light and realize how important you are to their son. Happy holidays!

Dee: It’s Thanksgiving, so be thankful you’re about to get better advice from me than Anne just gave you. If you’re thinking of marrying this man, remember that it’s better to have a turkey of a Thanksgiving without him this year than to be served up a platter of rejection every year from now on. The fact is, they've made “no secret” how little you mean to them. If your boyfriend hasn’t already straightened them out about how he feels about you, your goose is cooked, girl! Get out before someone starts pelting you with cranberries.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sisters and bad habits

Q: Dear Dee and Anne,

My sister borrows my clothes all the time without asking, then brings them back ruined or messed up. When we were kids it was one thing, but now that we're buying our own sweaters and skirts and paying for dry cleaning, it's a different story. We have keys to each other's apartments but I'm beginning to rethink that. What can I do?

Almost Naked and Broke

Anne: Dear Almost. Your sister is being thoughtless. Have you explained how angry her rudeness makes you feel? Have you tried presenting her with a cleaning bill? Sit her down and tell her in the clearest terms that you do not appreciate her actions. She loves you, so I'm sure once she knows how upset you are, she'll change.

Dee: Hey, Almost. If she can wear your clothes, you can wear hers. I have two words for you: Monica Lewinsky. "Borrow" her most expensive sexy dress and arrange to meet her boyfriend...in the backseat of his car. Make sure he leaves a little deposit and then let her know you have evidence of what he did. She won't be speaking to you--or keeping the guy. That's payback of a sort.

Should you rethink letting her keep a key? Hell yes! A word to the wise: get the key back before you screw her boyfriend or who knows what the bitch will do. Don't worry though, eventually she'll forgive you. Anne always forgives me no matter what I do to her.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Reading erotic romance

Q: My date brought a smutty book with him. While we waited for the movie to start, he opened it and pointed out passages to me. I was sickened. What should I do?

Anne: Looking on the bright side, at least your date could read. I assume you haven't done any of the things he read to you? Good girl!

Dee: First of all, why didn't he have the good sense to bring one of my books? They are not smut, and are much more conducive to putting a woman in the mood. Dump him immediately. He's an idiot. The next time, be sure to ask a man what he reads before going out. And if you really like him--assuming you're 18 or older--provide him with a primer of a good erotic romance. I can provide suggestions when you're ready.

And Anne, "good girl"??? Really.