Push-ups Belong in the Army, Not a Bra

Q: My birthday was in January, our anniversary was in March and now there's Mother's Day. For all three celebrations, my husband bought me sexy lingerie--a shorty, see-through nightgown for my birthday, a set of thongs with the days of the week embroidered on them and a satin push-up bra. Of course he wants me to model them and then have wild monkey sex. Truth is, after four kids, stretch marks and left-over baby fat, I don't feel sexy in general and even less so in these slinky, wet-dream little pieces of fabric. I'd rather have a babysitter for a day to myself as a gift--away from the kids and from him and his demands. How can I tell him that?

Anne: There's no good way to tell a man his gifts aren't all you've longed for, sorry. But why don't you suggest leaving the kids with a family member for a weekend and go away with him and the slinky stuff? Maybe you'd feel different about his attentions if you were far away from your other worries. Otherwise, you either have to sit him down and be straight about the gifts or keep on accepting them.

Dee: Anne, I'm surprised! I don't think that's the advice you gave a previous writer with a similar problem. I'm glad to see you've come around to my way of thinking.

Okay, you say you're overweight and unattractive, at least to yourself. Your guy doesn't sound like he cares--he sounds like he still lusts after you. If he's giving you sexy clothing to put you in the mood, it indicates to me that you're not conducive to a romp in the hay all that often without the hint. That's more the problem than the lingerie, to my mind. I'm not saying you have to be ready and willing to jump every time he says he wants a little, but even men like to be needed and wanted in that "special way." Find time for the two of you. Have wild monkey sex now and then without his having to ask for it. Sounds like he still appreciates you in the bedroom--hopefully that carries over to the rest of your life together--so don't snub it. Otherwise, he might take that appreciation to someone who appreciates him back.

PS--If the only place he seems to know you're alive is in the bedroom, that's a whole different problem. Write back so we can give you some ball-busting hints. You should appreciate his appreciation, but you're not just a sex object. Know what I mean?