Toilet Training

Q: I know this is one of the oldest problems women have, but how do I train my boyfriend to put down the toilet seat? I've almost broken my back a few times late at night when I haven't turned on the light.

Anne: You're right, this is a pretty persistent problem, and one which I think has no ideal solution. You could "forget" to buy beer a week, or "forget" to pick up the groceries or do laundry. Unfortunately, most men don't notice or care about these things. They'd just as soon buy the beer, order pizza and let laundry go for weeks. Maybe Dee has a better solution?

Francis Drake: I have to interject here. As a man, I'd say, explain that sometimes you're in a hurry and may forget to check to see if the seat is up. Tell your boyfriend that it's uncomfortable and unsanitary if your butt drops into the water, in addition to causing possible bodily harm.

Dee: Yeah, like that would work.

Francis: Or you could put on your Big Girl panties and learn to put the seat down. And what's this about "training" your boyfriend? Is he a poodle?? Men like it when things are up, so learn to deal with it.

Dee: (smiling sweetly): How about this? Tell him it will be a cold, fucking day in Hell before any hot fucking takes place in the bedroom. Things won't be "up" for long.