Fear of Assholes (No, really.)

Q: Help! My husband wants to have anal sex. I don't. I have to admit to being curious, but mostly the thought scares me because I think it would hurt. I know he watches it in adult movies and on the Internet. I'm afraid if I don't do it he will go elsewhere. What should I do?

Anne: My advice is simple: don't do anything you don't want to do sexually. If he doesn't like it, let him go somewhere else—he's not worth having around if he doesn't understand your wants and desires during sex as well as his own.

Dee: My first kick butt reaction (no pun intended) was to agree with Anne. You should not engage in sexual activity you are dead-set against, I don't care how much your partner wants you to. And I'd leave it there except for your statement I admit to being curious…

So here's where I differ from sis. If you truly are curious, find out more about it. Learn the proper way to go about the position. Find out about the oils and lubricants formulated to make the experience a pleasant one, and read about the sensations you might expect. Start small by experimenting with a butt plug to get used to the feeling of having something in that orifice. Have your husband manipulate a small anal dildo during regular sex. You might well find out your orgasms are greater and your time together more sensual.

The most important thing is that both your husband and you want to try anal sex and plan to bring enjoyment to the other. Make sure he knows and agrees to the proper health and pleasure techniques to use—and maybe a safe word letting him know to stop if you feel too uncomfortable. If he doesn't agree to all of that, he's the asshole in the situation (pun intended). Good luck!