Adding a Little Weight to the Argument

Q: My fifteen-year-old daughter is very overweight. I've tried everything I can do to make her lose weight--I've used shame, encouragement and downright bribery--but it does no good. I'm a single father (widowed) who feels he's done a pretty good job in general, but on this one issue only, I wish her mom and I hadn't split. Suggestions, please?

Anne: I sympathize with your dilemma. Here are a few things I might try: enlist the help of a lady friend whom your daughter knows and likes; if she likes cooking, introduce her to books like Cook Yourself Slim or Hasty Tasty Meals by our friend Cheryl Norman, and help her see that lower fat and calorie dishes can taste wonderful; set a good example yourself by not eating fatty and high calorie foods (make sure foods like that are out of the house); or spend father-daughter time doing something active together like taking a walk after dinner or team tennis or swimming. Make sure she knows that you think she's beautiful no matter how she looks but upon her impress your concern for her self-esteem and health. Good luck to both of you.

Dee: Anne gave all good suggestions. I know also there are weight-loss camps where she would receive counseling and learn better eating habits with other kids who have the same problem. If you have some extra cash, investigate a spa--same concept but with a more acceptable name for a teenage girl. Did you have a weight problem as a teen? If so, share your story. If you have a weight problem now, buck up and get with it so your daughter can see you mean "do what I do, not just what I say."

BYW, I liked the little back-handed slap you gave your ex: "… on this one issue only, I wish her mom and I hadn't split." Good one, Pop.

Love Thy Military

This week, we were going to use a question we received from a wife who had trouble with a Navy husband. Dee had prepared her usual flip, irreverent remarks. In light of last week's horrific events at Ft. Hood and the fact that Veteran's Day is two days off, we're declining to use the question or to blog this week.

Instead, we're bowing our heads and saying a prayer for the military families who've suffered loss and thanking God for our armed services and their loved ones, all of whom sacrifice for us.

That's not to say we're Pollyannas about the military. Like every large organization, they have their good and bad. But this week, we just want to think about the good.

Thank you, Navy, Marine Corps, Army, Air Force and Coast Guard!!

Pleasing the Boss...Or Not

Q: OMG! I have just been told the work I've spent months putting together isn't right, doesn't work, isn't "it," whatever the hell "it" is. I loved this project and thought I had everything but everything right. I thought I was going to get a bonus for good work. Now I'm confused and angry and nervous. What can I do?

Anne: Talk to your boss and ask what exactly you did wrong or didn't do at all, and whether you can revise. See if he or she will give you specific tips using examples from the work you did. If there is something you did that you feel strongly about, defend your position--maybe your boss hasn't thought of the point from a different angle. Once you have specific ideas on how to improve the work, make the revisions as quickly as possible and try to sit down with your boss to go over them.

Dee: The way I see it, you have three choices: 1) follow Anne's advice and try to knuckle under to whatever the boss wants you to do--if you can ever get him/her to tell you in terms both of you understand, 2) say "Fuck it!" and try to find someplace that wants your talent and work as you want to do it, or 3) give it up and try something you can actually do well. Maybe you're just not cut out to be whatever it is you're attempting.

I can't advise on which is the best plan for you, but since what I do usually has fucking in it (one way or the other), I'd probably opt for #2. Good luck to you.