Remembering...

You all know Anne and I come from a military family, and so does Jack. Please join us in remembering those who have fallen or have been injured in protecting our great country. Please also keep their families in your prayers--they serve, too!

See you next week.

A 9/11 Memorial

Anne and I are sorry we missed the blog last week. Jack was home and it was a holiday and we just plain forgot.

This week we remember those who lost their lives on 9/11/2001 and those who have given their lives since then to secure and protect our freedom and nation. Thank you.

Q: It's been ten years since the vicious attack on New York and Washington, D.C. What can I do to support America and freedom each and every day?

Anne: How wonderful for you to ask. There are a multitude of things to do that will honor our great nation: give blood regularly, donate time to an organization like a nursing home, a school or hospital, purchase teddy bears for your local sheriff or police department to use in domestic violence cases where there are children, put together small toiletry packets for use in shelters. Contact your local organizations to see where your talents can best be used.

Dee: Remember our military men and women and their families. Contact the USO, a local military installation or the Department of Defense to offer donations or time.

Wedding Bell (Dress) Blues

Q: I'm getting married in three weeks. Please tell me how to avoid murdering my future mother-in-law. She's a wonderful person. I'm sure someday—in a few years, maybe—we will love each other as dear friends. But not as long as she is driving me crazy over how to arrange the wedding. My mom isn't able to be here until just before the big event, so I appreciate future mom's input and help. I do. But I want something small and intimate and she sees something much grander. We don't have much time before my soon-to-be husband ships out overseas. I hate to spend it in turmoil. I'm afraid I'll soon end up saying something I'll regret. Help!

Anne: The fact of the matter is, weddings are emotional events--for the future MIL as well as for you. Emotions always make things harder to deal with. This is a job for your future husband. Have him tell his mother what the two of you want. At the very least he needs to be by your side supporting you or you and your future MIL will start off on the wrong foot.

Dee: What she said. Especially since in a short while he is going to be gone leaving you to deal with his mom. You don't want her to be a Dragon Lady—or to see you as one.

Now if your husband doesn't care about the wedding—he just wants to get you in the sack so he can screw your brains out before he departs, well, maybe that's a good compromise. If it comes down to being in total stress over whether you have a sit down dinner or a snack bar, it's not worth it. The whole point to a wedding is legal screwing. Get to that part with as little stress as possible. After all, when it comes down to it, relationships are important, not standing on ceremony.

Coming Home in Kansas City

Q: My boyfriend is returning from a tour of duty in Iraq this coming weekend. When he left we were good friends, but since he's been there we've come to know each other better through our letters and have finally found that we love each other. I can't wait to see him again, but more importantly, I can't wait to love him in every way. He proposed in his last letter and I intend to marry him. My problem is, I share a duplex with my mother. Though we live in separate sides of the house, she will certainly know if Joey spends the night with me. She thinks I'm a virgin (which I am, actually), and doesn't have any notion that I might sleep with a man before marrying him. I'm an adult but I still feel funny about having Joey stay with me when he comes home--but I also want it more than anything. What should I do?

Anne: Isn't this something you and Joey might have discussed during your letter writing? Have you explained that you're inexperienced, your living situation and your moral standards (which I'm assuming since you're an adult and still a virgin--good for you!)? If he's the man you think he is, he will wait for the physical pleasure until you get to know each other better and tie the knot. (Thank him for his service, by the way.)

Dee: I say first fuck your mom's opinion and then go fuck the soldier (or marine, sailor, whatever). You say you were good friends before he went overseas, so it's not like you don't know each other, right? Have a Come to Jesus meeting with your mom and tell her about the feelings that have developed while he was overseas. Tell her you plan to be this guy's wife and you want to start the marriage a bit before the I dos.

The only reservation I have is that discovering love and proposing marriage while he was overseas and in an atypical situation emotionally and physically is dicey. You might hold off until you're sure your feelings are real in the day-to-day world here at home. If they are and you still want to slap the monkey (or kiss it or lick it or…you get the picture), don't let mom's image of you stop you.

Thanks, Joey, for serving and doing a job so many need but so few are willing to do!

Semper Fi Myself

Q: My fiancé is a Marine in the Middle East. I love him and he loves me but he always thinks I'm cheating on him. If I tell him I've gone out with friends, he asks if there were men there. If I don't mention going out, he thinks I'm hiding something from him. I don't know how to prove I'm faithful and in love with him. Any suggestions?

Anne: Is he like this when he's home? If so, I'd say you have a serious problem with your relationship. No couple can withstand constant jealousy or lack of trust. Send him a copy of this column. Let him see your frustration. All I can say is, keep reassuring him. Hopefully he will come to see your heart is his. I'm praying for his safety and speedy return.

Dee: It's easy to doubt something good in life when you're facing the worst every day. I have to ask, though, have you ever before given him reason to distrust you? 99.9% of military wives are true and live for their men to come home. It's that .1% every military man dreads, so if you've cheated before that might be reason enough for him to think you could cheat again. If you go out with friends to bars (where, sad to say, men might try to pick you up or, sadder to say, you might be the picker instead of the pickee), as opposed to church dinners, then he might worry, even if you've been purer than Caesar's wife in the past. Or it could be that he's just fearful you might cheat no matter what you have or haven't done before--in which case you two need to talk with someone and try to work things out before the wedding.

Semper fi!

Love Thy Military

This week, we were going to use a question we received from a wife who had trouble with a Navy husband. Dee had prepared her usual flip, irreverent remarks. In light of last week's horrific events at Ft. Hood and the fact that Veteran's Day is two days off, we're declining to use the question or to blog this week.

Instead, we're bowing our heads and saying a prayer for the military families who've suffered loss and thanking God for our armed services and their loved ones, all of whom sacrifice for us.

That's not to say we're Pollyannas about the military. Like every large organization, they have their good and bad. But this week, we just want to think about the good.

Thank you, Navy, Marine Corps, Army, Air Force and Coast Guard!!

Men in Uniform--Who Can Resist?

Q: I'm attending school in Norfolk, Virginia as a freshman. I live in Kansas and have a steady boyfriend who's going to Kansas State. He says he's staying true to me and I believe him. However, I'm almost to the point where I can't keep saying the same to him. I'm surrounded my military guys all the time, and what they say about a man looking good in uniform is so true. I've made friends with a couple of really nice men, a sailor and a marine. So far we've just gone out as part of a gang, but I'm really attracted to both guys and they've indicated they're attracted to me, too. What should I do? I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, and I don't want to cheat, but I feel myself weakening.

Anne: Long distance relationships are very hard. If you and your boyfriend pledged to stay faithful, then you have to try hard to do so. Freshman year is difficult and you're far from home. Take stock of what you really want and truly feel. If it's your boyfriend, hang tough even though you might be lonely. Don't give into the thrill of a quick romance with a virtual stranger who might be at a distance himself in a month or so.

Dee: Going away to school is only a little about getting a good education. Heck, you could have done that much closer to home. It's mostly about seeing new horizons and finding out about life. I am NOT recommending experimenting with sex drugs and alcohol, but I am saying that being in a new place among new people is part of discovering what you want out of life. You and your boyfriend should be dating, learning about other people and finding out your true feelings. If you love each other, it'll come through even after dating others. This is no time to tie yourself down to one person or place. Just be sure not to do anything harmful or that you'll regret. This isn't a time to go wild, just spread your wings in a new segment of your life.

By the way, Anne and I are also here among the uniformed men of the US military, and all I can say is hubba-hubba.

Saying THANKS!

Some of the most important men in our lives served in the military. Jack (and Anne) and I were raised as military brats, some of that time during Vietnam when the armed forces weren't at their height of popularity. That's how we know first hand the trials suffered by families who have loved ones far from home, and by those serving away from home, stuck in a place where all they can do is worry about what's happening back in the States.

To those who are paid little but give so much, miltary members and their families, we'd like to say thanks!

The mayhem of answering questions will resume next week. We hope you'll check back then.