Virgin in Virginia and Hating It

Q: I'm fifteen and have just started dating the guy of my dreams. I've had a crush on him for two years and couldn't believe it when he asked me out two weeks ago. Since then we've been together every single day. I love him and he says he loves me. I want to show him how much by having sex, but he won't do it. He signed a contract saying he would remain celibate until marriage, which I think is totally unreasonable. If he really loved me, wouldn't he want to share making love? I'm the only one of my friends who's still a virgin and I want to change that with Joey, the boy I want to be with forever. How do I convince him?

Anne: First of all, think about what virginity means. It says that you respect yourself enough to wait until you find the man (the man) you want to marry and have children with. That's the purpose of sex, not the random coupling that people use it for today. Second, you could be right, but the odds of you and Joey lasting to marriage--or even 11th grade--are slim. The divorce rate for people who date a long time and swear before their family and friends that they will "honor and cherish until death do them part" is 50%, so realistically, the chances you and Joey will last is very, very low. So if you give yourself to him, what do you do with the next boy (next boy) you "love." Last, being the only virgin in your group is not a good reason to hop into the backseat with Joey or any other boy. Losing your virginity is something that only happens once, get it? Make sure you're giving it away for the right reason, with your dignity and self worth in place and in mind.

Dee: I agree with Anne's advice, yet not the preachy style she uses to say it. Listen, before you have sex, ask your minister or counselor at school or your parents (best choice if you can talk to them) to let you talk to one or two unwed mothers. Having a child--or an abortion--at your age is not something to take lightly.

The fact is, when you're engaging in risky behavior, sometimes you make bad decisions, like having sex without protection, like drinking or using drugs so that you're not thinking clearly, or maybe letting yourself feel pressured to do something you're simply not ready to do. Adults make bad decisions, too, but your hormones are running crazy right now, making rational thought nearly impossible at times.

My advice? Pay attention to Joey. Don't have sex until you're older and you know more about what you're doing. If you're going to have sex no matter what we say, ALWAYS use a condom, no matter what a guy tells you or how carried away you are. A diagnosis of HIV is common in the 24-28 age group, which means teens are contracting the disease. Birth control in addition to a condom is not a bad thing. My mom told me when I was a teen and it's still true, use an aspirin for birth control. One aspirin, held tightly between the knees, is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.

About to be Screwed in Akron

Q: Help! My boss told me when I left work today that I was being considered for a promotion. All I needed to do was "be nice to him." I have a four-year-old son that I raise on my own and I can't afford to lose my job in this economy. It's not that he isn't nice looking, he is. And until now I thought he was a great guy to work for. The hell of it is, I'm very good at what I do. I have no witnesses to prove my case. What can I say to him to keep him off my back (no pun intended) and still keep my job?

Anne: Go directly to HR and report him. Then thoroughly document everything he asks you to do and when and how you did it so he can't say you've slacked off at work. This is sexual harassment of the worst kind. Because you're a single mother he thinks he can do whatever he wants and you won't take the chance of losing your job. There are laws that protect people in the workplace. Use them, or later, when something bad happens he will use your silence against you.

Dee: Pick up a cheap recorder and after work question him about what he suggested. Take that to HR so there is no doubt what your complaint is. See how he likes being screwed for a change. Anne is right in this instance. Saying nothing will come back to bite you in the butt eventually. This has to be reported. I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of several he's pulled this same shit on. Good luck!

Adding a Little Weight to the Argument

Q: My fifteen-year-old daughter is very overweight. I've tried everything I can do to make her lose weight--I've used shame, encouragement and downright bribery--but it does no good. I'm a single father (widowed) who feels he's done a pretty good job in general, but on this one issue only, I wish her mom and I hadn't split. Suggestions, please?

Anne: I sympathize with your dilemma. Here are a few things I might try: enlist the help of a lady friend whom your daughter knows and likes; if she likes cooking, introduce her to books like Cook Yourself Slim or Hasty Tasty Meals by our friend Cheryl Norman, and help her see that lower fat and calorie dishes can taste wonderful; set a good example yourself by not eating fatty and high calorie foods (make sure foods like that are out of the house); or spend father-daughter time doing something active together like taking a walk after dinner or team tennis or swimming. Make sure she knows that you think she's beautiful no matter how she looks but upon her impress your concern for her self-esteem and health. Good luck to both of you.

Dee: Anne gave all good suggestions. I know also there are weight-loss camps where she would receive counseling and learn better eating habits with other kids who have the same problem. If you have some extra cash, investigate a spa--same concept but with a more acceptable name for a teenage girl. Did you have a weight problem as a teen? If so, share your story. If you have a weight problem now, buck up and get with it so your daughter can see you mean "do what I do, not just what I say."

BYW, I liked the little back-handed slap you gave your ex: "… on this one issue only, I wish her mom and I hadn't split." Good one, Pop.