Waxing Poetic

Q: I’ve been considering getting a bikini wax. What do you think?

Waxing Poetic in Virginia

Anne: “Waxing Poetic.” Haha. Clever name. But on to the question.

I have to admit, I know nothing about waxing so I looked it up online. Color me surprised when I found there are several types of ways to wax pubic hair and hair around the anus. I mean, you can take all of it off or parts of it. Who knew? To tell you the truth, it all sounded painful. I mean, have you ever waxed your eyebrows? Or under your arms? OUCH! Just the thought of causing pain “down there,” is enough to make me appreciate the hair God gave me and to leave it alone. Plus, there are health concerns, did you know? For instance, if you have diabetes, you shouldn’t get waxed. Or if you’re pregnant, waxing is a no-no. (Who is hell—pardon my French—would worry about getting waxed if you’re about to give birth??) I wouldn’t do it, so how could I advise you to do any different?

Dee: I know my good friend Lee Silver (author of The Twist) is probably brave enough to engage in a full wax or at least a sexy Brazilian job (most likely named for the women in New York who invented the wax, not the country). Lee, fess up, Woman!

Now for once I have to agree with Anne—this sounds painful. So why would any woman go through with it? I’m not sure but I think it’s because men LOVE it! They love the smoothness of the skin, the lack of hair for oral sex (for those wonderful men who aren't lazy bastards and actually GIVE oral sex), and (let’s face it) the sense of the forbidden when their lover feels like a young girl. What pervs!

So you know all those times we as women of the Lib Era said we should NOT dress for men, act for men, or live our lives for men? Well, forget it when it comes to ripping out public hair by the roots. Does the thought bring tears to your eyes? Suck it up! You’ll thank your Brazilian waxer when your man sighs in your ear and can’t wait to keep you up all night to participate in sex using his fingers, his hot, hot mouth, his hard, long hammer--and then starts over again.

Put that way, pain be damned, where’re those Yellow Pages??