Family Holidays (sigh)

Q: Dee and Anne, I’m a busy single mother. I have a full-time job and two children under the age of 6. I do what I can to provide a great Christmas for my kids but frankly, I don’t spend much time or money on anyone else in the family. I just don’t have the energy. Everyone has always seemed okay with this, but last week my sister told me that everyone’s been lying to me for the past few years. My feelings are hurt and I don’t think I’ll go to Christmas dinner this year. Am I wrong?

Hurt For the Holidays

Anne: Hurt, I can totally sympathize with you. First of all, it was your sister who told you all this?? What a horrible thing. Your sister should be loving and supportive. not that all of them are, mentioning no names.

Secondly, when those you love and count on lie to you, it’s worse than when anyone else does it. For example, when your twin sister tells you she never dated the boy you’re crazy over and are thinking of sleeping with, and then you find out she not only dated him but “knew” him months before, well, it can destroy the romance—and make the sisterly relationship a little touch and go, too. Not that such a thing ever happened to me…

But back to your question. As angry and hurt as you are, I think you should be honest with your family. Tell them the walls you’ve been up against and see if they will cut you some slack. Even if they won’t, I think you should go to Christmas dinner. Being with grandparents, aunts-uncles and cousins is part of Christmas for your kids. You don’t need to spend all day, but schlep the Jello salad, smile and bear it. Let your family see your quality and character.

Dee: Much as it pains me to admit, I think Anne gave good advice. I might have worded it differently. I might have said: Let your lying, sonuvabitch of a family see how much better you are than them, but, you know, Anne said it okay, too.

And Anne, for criminy sake, get over Gary. What kind of man dates two sisters and hides the fact? (Hypothetically, let's say none.) Sure I wasn’t exactly up front, but who knew you were thinking of climbing in the backseat of his Accord?? Thank your lucky stars you found out what a bastard he was before you handed him your virginity, Sis. Believe me, you only would have discovered what I did after a few months, that the sex wasn’t all that great.