The Football Season

Q: Anne and Dee, I am a football spouse. Most people say it’s only one season out of the year, but that’s not quite the case. Now, football starts in the summer and goes on (this year, for example) into February. As far as I’m concerned, the Cardinals and Eagles are birds, Rams are male sheep and Dolphins are fish. I could care less about the Super Bowl or the New England Steelers. Any ideas on how I can wean my wife off the NFL?

Dave in Denver

Anne: Dave, are you kidding? There are so many women who understand perfectly where you’re coming from! On the other hand, do you know how many men would love for their wives to watch football with them? And I’ll bet your wife would like you to enjoy time watching the game, too. Why don’t you make a deal—you’ll spend a few hours in front of the TV with her each week and she’ll spend time with you on a hobby of your choice? Keep in mind, Dave, it’s the time you spend with each other that really counts. Compromise is the name of the game.

Dee: Good God, Dave, are you a man or a mouse? Do I really have to explain how to make your “moves” better than any quarterback's? Do I have to come and discuss with your wife how something long and oval needs the right carrier’s hands? Can’t you demonstrate that a playing field can be a bed as well as a stadium? Haven’t you shown her that you have better BALLS than the Steelers (who play for Pittsburgh, by the way)??

If not, take up knitting or needlepoint (like Roosevelt Greer) during the golden season and leave us football fans alone.