Pans Rather Than Pan-ties in Massachusetts

Q: My husband and I have been married for twelve wonderful years. We have two active children and hectic careers. Our problem is a common one, I think. For our anniversary, he always buys me sexy lingerie. Not necessarily negligees, but panties, bras and tap pants sets. Each year I tell him I’d rather have something I can use—at this point, even a vacuum cleaner would be preferable to lacy panties. Each year it’s as if he was deaf the previous year. Our thirteenth anniversary is in a month. I don’t want to be harsh but believe me, I already have a drawer full of lingerie I don’t wear. Maybe if you all back me he’ll sit up and pay attention.

Anne: I don’t understand men—and you’re right, this is a common problem. Often, men give women the gifts they want, rather than what women want. I suggest you cook him a great meal one night and point out which pots and pans you used, then show him your drawer of unused lingerie. Tell him with a pan you can remember your special date every time you roast, or fry or whatever it is you want to receive. Another alternative is to buy a pot you really want and tell him ahead of time that you bought your gift from him. (WARNING: This may be an undesired slippery slope to always having to buy your own gifts, depending on your guy's temperament.) As a last note, it doesn’t hurt to do something romantic now and then. Maybe slip into one of those other gifts and see the light in his eyes.

Dee: Let’s turn the tables. Does he always adore everything you get him? Look, it’s your anniversary. The man surely doesn’t expect you to dress up for him every night, so indulge him this one night, which is supposed to be a remembrance of that first-love feeling. Maybe it would be easier if you got away from the “two active kids” and spent a some time alone. Here in Chicago-land we have Sybaris Pool Suites which cater to couples seeking romance. But even a night at your local Holiday Inn Express would be a break. My advice? Have dinner out. Feed each other spoonfuls of luscious dessert. Then go home—or to your room at an inn—and dress up. Put on whatever sexy thing he bought this year. Surprise him with an elephant cock cover and then, Lady, make him roar with delight. That’s the recipe to a happy anniversary.

Oh, Jackkk! Do you have the number for Sybaris handy…?