Q: My boyfriend and I attended a New Year’s Eve party at the house of my good friend. We were having a good time and shared a hot kiss when midnight arrived. When it was getting time to go home and I couldn’t find him, I went looking. Yes, you guessed it, I found him and my friend in a very compromising position. Not having sex, but I think they would have if not discovered. My friend’s husband was right in the other room! My boyfriend was obviously embarrassed and upset. He apologized all the way home and protested that he’d had too much to drink. My girlfriend called the next day and told me the same—that she’d had too much to drink, that she’s never done anything like that before and never would again. They both seem so sincere. I hesitated to write about this problem, but I can’t stop thinking about them together. Should I forgive and forget?
Feeling Like a New Year Baby
Anne: You are not a “baby” in this situation. And I’m sure you aren’t alone, either. My advice is to examine your whole relationship, not just what happened on one night. Has your boyfriend ever given you cause to worry before? If he’s been good and faithful other than that one New Year’s Eve, then I think there’s reason enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’d let him know that drinking is not an excuse to behave as though there are no consequences.
As for your friend, I guess the same is true. Has she ever given you cause to distrust her? If not, and since she’s a good friend, maybe you should give her another chance. Everyone has said or done things they regret after mixing good times and alcohol—-maybe even you. So examine your heart and see if you can’t find something to save out of this mess.
Dee: Get real! Since the first fermentation of grapes, men have claimed they wouldn’t have done XXX (insert stupid behavior) if only they hadn’t had too much grog or wine or Cuervo or whatever. It’s a stupid excuse—and one any woman with half a brain should see through. Our mom used to say—-and Anne you should remember this—-that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. In my opinion, that goes for actions, too. Honey, that old goat was doing what he wanted and using the age-old excuse of booze to justify it.
Now as for the woman. If she isn’t a really good friend, find people to hang out with who have your best interests more at heart. But if she is a valued part of your life, I might cut her some slack. There are lots of bottom-feeders in the fish pond but only a few really good girlfriends.
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