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Monday, September 21, 2009

No Treats, Please!!

Q: I have a weight problem--and a husband problem. Every time I try to lose weight my husband brings me little treats--candy or Danish or chocolate. I've protested and asked him please not to, but he makes a joke that he just loves me as I am and doesn't understand why I get so involved in diets. I don't understand why he doesn't support me. What can I do?

Anne: Does your husband has a weight problem himself? I'm sure he does love you the way you are--weight has nothing to do with a person being loveable, after all. I'd say sit him down and turn the tables. Ask him to describe something he really wants to accomplish. It might be a hobby project, a fishing trip away or even watching a ball game. Now ask him how he would feel if you did something at every turn that kept him from finishing. No doubt he would become frustrated. Tell him that's how you feel when he doesn't help you accomplish your weight loss. Maybe making the problem personal to him will help.

Dee: If you're anxious to lose weight it also means you're anxious to gain some control of your life, your looks and your health. To me, if your husband is trying to prevent your success it means he doesn't want you to have control. Now, why would that be? That's the basis of the problem. His plying you with food is simply a symptom of his need to control.

Of course, he doesn't force you to eat the food he brings. Tell hubby you appreciate that he loves you as you are, but you would feel better physically and emotionally if you lost weight. Then throw out the food he brings--in front of him. He will soon stop bringing it.

I'll also bet that as you start making progress he'll come around to being the suppoort you want and need. If not, well, you have to decide if you want to stay with the jerk or dump someone who doesn't want you to succeed for whatever reason.