NOT Brotherly Love

Q: I'm so embarrassed I can't believe I'm even writing you. My problem is, my brother—who is three years older than I am and a senior in high school—has been having sex with me. It started a couple of years ago when he accidentally walked in on me when I was showering. Shortly after, he found ways to brush against me. When we were home alone he would corner me and kiss me, and then touch me, until one night when my parents were out at a party, he sneaked into my room and actually had sex with me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit him and make him go away, I wanted to throw up, but instead I froze. It was my first time and I cried a lot for days, so much that my mom said I looked awful and wanted to take me to the doctor. Privately my brother said if I turned him in he'd make me sorry—and since I didn't scream or fight him, no one would believe I wasn't willing. From somewhere he found birth control pills and had me take them. After that, he took me whenever and wherever he could. The worst thing is, I have orgasms, so part of me must like what he does. I feel dirty and used. I want to kill myself. What can I do?


Anne: Immediately get help. Tell your parents, talk to a school nurse or your minister or counselor. DO NOT WAIT! Forget the embarrassment. What happened is not your fault—in fact most sexual abuse is done by someone the abused person knows. You won't be the first girl to have to tell on your brother. He played on your fears to have his way.


I am serious—find someone to talk to right away. Dee and I are not qualified in this kind of situation to recommend more than that.


Dee: Your brother raped you, nothing less. He could (and should) go to jail for what he's doing, especially since you were a child when he started and you’re still underage. You must tell someone what's been happening. Do not waste any time doing so.


If you can't bring yourself to talk to someone you know, there are online organizations that could help: http://www.stopitnow.org/ or http://www.protect.org/home. But it would be best if your parents knew or a teacher or someone locally who could remove you from your situation. Please write back and let us know that you found help.