Q: My boyfriend and I
attended a party at the house of my good friend. We were having a good time and
shared a hot kiss early in the evening. When it was getting time to go home and
I couldn’t find him, I went looking. Yes, you guessed it, I found him and my
friend in a very compromising position. Not having sex, but I think they would
have if not discovered. My friend’s husband was right in the other room! My
boyfriend was obviously embarrassed and upset. He apologized all the way home
and protested that he’d had too much to drink. My girlfriend called the next
day and told me the same—that she’d had too much to drink, that she’s never
done anything like that before and never would again. I hesitated to write
about this problem, but I can’t stop thinking about them together. Should I
forgive and forget? I'm feeling childish, but I can't help it.
Anne: You are not being
childish in this situation. And I’m sure you aren’t alone, either. My advice is
to examine your whole relationship, not just what happened on one night. Has
your boyfriend ever given you cause to doubt him before? If he’s been good and
faithful other than that one evening, then I think there’s reason enough to
give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’d let him know that drinking is not an
excuse to behave as though there are no consequences.
As for your friend, I guess
the same is true. Has she ever given you cause to distrust her? If not, and since
she’s a good friend, maybe you should give her another chance. Everyone has
said or done things they regret after mixing good times with alcohol—maybe even
you have. So examine your heart and see if you can’t find something to save out
of this mess.
Dee: Get real! Since the first fermentation of grapes,
men have claimed they wouldn’t have done XXX (insert stupid behavior) if only
they hadn’t had too much grog or wine or Cuervo or whatever. It’s a stupid
excuse—and one any woman with half a brain should see through. Our mom used to
say—and Anne you should remember this—that a drunk man’s words are a sober
man’s thoughts. In my opinion, that goes for actions, too. Honey, that old goat
was doing what he wanted and using the age-old excuse of booze to justify it.
Now as for the woman, if she
isn’t a really good friend, find people to hang out with who have your best
interests more at heart. But if she is
a valued part of your life, I might cut her some slack. There are lots of
bottom-feeders in the fish pond but only a few really good girlfriends.
