Exposed Problems

Q: I took my daughter out for dinner over the weekend. I only see her every other weekend. She's six, going on twenty, I've discovered. Over hamburgers she asked me what boys do with their penises. I asked her why she asked and she said that mommy's boyfriend walks around the house naked and when she asked what the thing was hanging in front, he said a penis. I was so furious I couldn't think of what to say. I finally did stumble over a brief explanation that little boys and girls have different bodies because God had different plans for us, but I didn't go into any great detail, or try to explain sex. But I do want to know what my ex wife is thinking. And doing. And exposing my daughter to. What should I do?

Anne: See your lawyer. You don't say how long you've been divorced, but especially if it's been a recent event, you need to get things straightened out as soon as possible. And talk to your ex. Let her know you're concerned and that your daughter is asking questions.

Dee: There is nothing wrong with the human body or even exposing it to children—in the right circumstances. That does not sound like the case here. At any rate, you have the right to know what your child is seeing and hearing. Lucky you that she trusted you enough to ask questions. Anne is right. Let your ex know that you don't appreciate boyfriends walking around in the nude, and also contact your attorney. This isn't something you want to come back later and have anyone say that you knew and took no action.

Facebook Faceoff

Q: I just found out my girlfriend posted a naked picture of me on her Facebook page. She thinks it's funny and "adorable" because she says I have a killer body. I think it's disgusting. I don't work out 6 days a week for her to display me like a piece of meat. What can I do?

Anne: Good Lord! Break up with this girl! She obviously doesn't understand or respect you.

Dee: What's the URL?

A Little Virtual Viagra

It's been a long time since we were online, but just like the Terminator, "We came back." We hope you are back with us!

There were many questions submitted while we were traveling from Virginia to Idaho, and here's one now.

Q: My husband is furious with me. He is a programmer professionally, so I thought when he came home he'd want a break, but he doesn't. He eats dinner and then disappears into the office until bedtime. He never talks about what he's doing, so earlier this week I started his computer just to look at the desktop. All of these porn sites opened up. I was shocked—I mean really shocked. We are church elders and follow the Bible. How could he sit in here for hours and look at naked women?? Don't get me wrong. There was nothing too perverse—no children or other men—but he has me for sex for why does he need to see these other…things?

Anne: I'm sure there is a good psychological reason why men enjoy porn, but the simple explanation is that they're more visually stimulated than women. The sight of a bare breast is exciting to them. Now it sounds as though your hubby has gone off the deep end, if he's spending hours at the computer terminal. I would suggest that you seek help—maybe couples counseling or a session with your minister—to see why he's looking for fulfillment in the virtual world rather than in the real bedroom.

Dee: What kind of sex life do you have? I mean. do you have a Bible reading before sleep? I believe in the Good Book, but (let's face it) that could have a diminishing effect on a man's pokey stick, you know? Instead of complaining about those nekkid girls, why don't you try joining them? Meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile, or tell him that dessert is on you, and really serve dessert on you. Your husband is obviously seeking something more exciting and "out there" than what he thinks he's getting at home. Maybe you should be happy that he is looking at girls on the computer screen and not out fucking some hot box in an alley.

On the other hand, you didn't mention your ages. Are you young, newly married, a mature couple, or in-between? That has some bearing on the situation, too. Is he accompanying the peek shows with phone sex? If you're too worried about greeting him with nothing on, maybe you could call him with a little oral stimulation—your lips whispering nasty, enticing images into his ear via the phone. In other words, don't just complain—get off your ass and do something to spark his interest.

If none of that words, seek out a therapist or divorce lawyer.

Jell-O Shot Hell

Q: My company has some killer parties. Technically they’re part of our quarterly meetings, but my bosses are kinda wild men and young, so they use any excuse to have a blowout.

Anyway, I couldn’t stay long at the first “meeting,” so I missed the party part. But I made up for it at the second—I’d never had Jell-O shots before. THEY ARE AWSOME.. I got a little polluted and when I drink I, um... get flirtatious (putting it mildly). I came on to a colleague. He isn't my boss, but he’s in enough of a position to make me REALLY WORRY. He’s not married or anything, and he turned me down, but still…. How do I handle this at work? I see him EVERY DAY! Help! I'm
In Jell-O Shot Hell

Anne: Let this be a lesson—alcohol and work do not mix! At your next quarterly meeting, drink tea, or coffee or even Tom Collins mix with a twist of lemon. No one will know the difference and you won’t embarrass yourself. For now, I’d say act as though nothing happened and hope he does the same. If he brings it up, apologize and swear that Jell-O shots are a thing of the past at office parties. If he’s a gentleman, the incident went (and will go) no farther.

Dee: Well, you little slut you. (And I mean that as a compliment.) Get a couple of Jell-O shots in you and you go, girl! So, okay, I say step back and think for a minute. You made a fool of yourself. If the man hasn’t done the same or worse a hundred times himself, he’s no man you want to waste yourself on. Let it go. It’s not like you stripped for him, played tonsil tag and rubbed The Girls against his broad, strong chest while unzipping his pants and begging his Bad Boy to come out and show you why he’s bad. No, it’s not like you did that. And, uh, *crossing fingers* not like I did that, either…