Married to a Pusher

Q: My husband is what I lovingly call a “food pusher”. He is constantly eating—but still only weighs about 170 lbs, the bum, while I am what I refer to as having “more to love.” The problem is, whenever he eats he tries to “push” whatever is on his plate onto mine. “Here have a bite,” “Taste this, it’s yummy.” I have told him thanks but no thanks, that I’m not remotely hungry, and even “Please stop doing that” but he just doesn’t get it. What suggestion do either of you have to help me make him understand that I want him to stop?

Anne: I had a grandmother who did that (“I know how much you love mashed potatoes, so have some more”), and you’re right, it’s annoying. What I had to do is just say, “No!” very firmly or sometimes even pull my plate away or cover it. Eventually the message got through. In situations like this, I don’t think you can be sweet. Pushers think they’re being nice, so you must be a little hard.

Here are a couple of ideas: Push back. He says, “Try a piece of this ham, honey, it’s really good.” You say, “Not with the turkey I already have, so you take some of it.”

If he actually puts his offering on your plate, physically put it back on his plate with, “I know it’s good. That’s why I want you to have it, Honey Buns.”

Or, just leave whatever he passes to you on your plate, uneaten. If he questions you just say again that you are full. I hope this helps, Married.

Dee: If it were me, I’d slap the shit out of him. He’d get the picture then, and besides, make up sex is great.

However, Anne is forever telling me that violence isn’t the answer to anything. So, Plan B: Demand he take out his wallet and all of his money. Then suggest he “push” a little moolah your way—-tell him you’ll share his “greens” but only if they have Ben Franklin on them.