Not Ready for Breakup

Q: My boyfriend says he loves me but he’s going to break up with me if I don’t um…take him in my mouth. I love him and I don’t want to break up, but I hate the very idea of you know, doing that. What should I do?

Anne: Are you sure he really means this? It seems to me he’s being unreasonable if he loves you. Talk to him. Tell him the distaste (no pun intended) you feel for the oral sex act. If he loves you, he should try to see your side of this. Don’t feel alone—a lot of women do not care for doing it.

Dee: Look, I agree. Ask him what he means exactly. If he says he truly is breaking up if you don’t give him head, then put on your big girl pants and decide what you’re going to do. If you hate having his penis in your mouth, then draw the line. Regardless of how much you “love” him, you’ll eventually grow resentful if you feel he’s forcing you into something disgusting. In that case, call it quits (this way you’re the one ending it) and be on the lookout for a man more interested in your feelings. Be aware though, I’ve never met a man who didn’t love oral sex. When they’re on the receiving end, at least.

If you’re willing to give it a try, let him know you’re a novice and that you need to learn how best to handle the act. If he balks or tries to rush you, tell him if you get nervous you might bite down. That should keep him in line. By the way, I think he’s a jerk for making this ultimatum. Man does not shrivel and die if he doesn’t get oral sex. Tell him I said so.

And here’s another tip: quit being a baby. It’s “give head,” “suck,” “BJ or blow job” instead of “you know, doing that.” Grow up. (This goes for you, too, Anne. Sometimes I can’t believe you’re my sister.) Men love to hear a woman use those terms. But only if she’s going to do them. If you decide to suck him, use the words sure to incite and let him know you’re ready and willing, not being dragged kicking and screaming.