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Monday, April 27, 2009

Remote Control

Q: My boyfriend likes to watch TV all the time. I mean all the time. And it’s not like he watches “men’s” shows, like sports. I could get into Bears football or Giants baseball. Or man, give me a good hockey game and I’m with you, but he watches Iron Chef and House Hunters International. I’d rather be out playing a little touch football or slugging down a beer at the corner bar—anything but watching that crap. I love the jerk, and when he tears himself away from the boob tube, the sex is fucking fantastic. What’s your advice?

Anne: Um…I’m at a loss for words.

Dee: Well, that doesn't happen often. Fortunately, I’m not. Have him tested for an abnormally high level of estrogen—or take shots of it yourself. One of you is a changeling.

Seriously, you have to ask us for advice? Come to an agreement on the number of hours a week you will watch TV and then divide that number in thirds. One third he can watch whatever he wants, one third is yours and one third you have to watch together. I’m not commenting on who controls the sex—that’s for y’all to figure out, as is who leads when you dance.