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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Saying THANKS!

Some of the most important men in our lives served in the military. Jack (and Anne) and I were raised as military brats, some of that time during Vietnam when the armed forces weren't at their height of popularity. That's how we know first hand the trials suffered by families who have loved ones far from home, and by those serving away from home, stuck in a place where all they can do is worry about what's happening back in the States.

To those who are paid little but give so much, miltary members and their families, we'd like to say thanks!

The mayhem of answering questions will resume next week. We hope you'll check back then.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

My Girlfriend's Bother's Keeper

Q: My husband and I went to a party at my girlfriend's house. I almost had to drag him. We have been having some marital problems and I was trying to get him involved in my life... or at least to have a life. He doesn't do anything with me or my friends. I assured him the group would be small with only her close friends and family, so he agreed. When we got there, as I told him, it wasn't a large group, maybe 8 people, including us. Her brother, whom I'd never met, was one of the guests and he was there alone. My friend told me he had also been having some marital problems.

There was plenty of alcohol, and I had more than my share. Well, when her brother and I looked at each other across the room, it was as though he was sending an electric current to my animal side. I knew was going to be bad later on. And I was. I cornered him in the bathroom and began an attack that I think he liked. At least, he kept me in there a good long time. The problem is, my girlfriend found out... or I should say saw us. She retaliated and attacked my husband. It wasn't a big deal to me - marital problems, remember? But now he wants to go to all of her parties -- and she has quite a few. I think it's because he wants to do my best friend. I like to go to her parties but now I don't want to take him. I don't know if he knows about her brother and me. I'm afraid to bring it up.

So what do I do? Take him along or tell him he's not invited and leave him home?

Anne: You have marital problems. Here's an idea: stay home together. Talk, watch a movie, go for a walk--but do it together. Get to know each other again. It seems to me you have to do something like that if you want your marriage to work. Stay away from your friend's brother. And your friend, for that matter. She doesn't sound like she's a very good influence.

Dee: I have better advice than that. Write me offline and I'll try to get you all on The Jerry Springer Show.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Push-ups Belong in the Army, Not a Bra

Q: My birthday was in January, our anniversary was in March and now there's Mother's Day. For all three celebrations, my husband bought me sexy lingerie--a shorty, see-through nightgown for my birthday, a set of thongs with the days of the week embroidered on them and a satin push-up bra. Of course he wants me to model them and then have wild monkey sex. Truth is, after four kids, stretch marks and left-over baby fat, I don't feel sexy in general and even less so in these slinky, wet-dream little pieces of fabric. I'd rather have a babysitter for a day to myself as a gift--away from the kids and from him and his demands. How can I tell him that?

Anne: There's no good way to tell a man his gifts aren't all you've longed for, sorry. But why don't you suggest leaving the kids with a family member for a weekend and go away with him and the slinky stuff? Maybe you'd feel different about his attentions if you were far away from your other worries. Otherwise, you either have to sit him down and be straight about the gifts or keep on accepting them.

Dee: Anne, I'm surprised! I don't think that's the advice you gave a previous writer with a similar problem. I'm glad to see you've come around to my way of thinking.

Okay, you say you're overweight and unattractive, at least to yourself. Your guy doesn't sound like he cares--he sounds like he still lusts after you. If he's giving you sexy clothing to put you in the mood, it indicates to me that you're not conducive to a romp in the hay all that often without the hint. That's more the problem than the lingerie, to my mind. I'm not saying you have to be ready and willing to jump every time he says he wants a little, but even men like to be needed and wanted in that "special way." Find time for the two of you. Have wild monkey sex now and then without his having to ask for it. Sounds like he still appreciates you in the bedroom--hopefully that carries over to the rest of your life together--so don't snub it. Otherwise, he might take that appreciation to someone who appreciates him back.

PS--If the only place he seems to know you're alive is in the bedroom, that's a whole different problem. Write back so we can give you some ball-busting hints. You should appreciate his appreciation, but you're not just a sex object. Know what I mean?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Mama's Boy on Mama's Day

Q: My boyfriend of three years wants us to spend Mother's Day weekend with his mom. He's the baby in the family and the only boy and his mother spoils him horribly so he always wants to go there for holidays. I'd prefer to see my mother, whom we almost never visit together. The difference? At his mother's we can't share a room. Honest to Pete, we're in our late 20s and have been together for years and she still doesn't think we sleep together? My mom thinks by this time we should be married but at least she's aware of how life is. Should I put my foot down?

Anne: I suppose if I was your mother I might wonder what the hold up is on the marriage, too, but that's your business. Forget the sleeping together thing, the real question is why are you always going to his family's house together and not yours? To me, this shows a real problem in the relationship between your boyfriend and your family. Is there friction? If not, I don't understand why he wouldn't agree to split holidays. Is this how he will be if and when you do marry? That's something to think about. Until then, yes, say something to him about the disparity. And if you're in his mom's house and she says separate beds, her wishes should be respected.

Dee: You mean if you go to your mom's house you can do the dirty but you can't if you go to his mom's? And your boyfriend still wants to visit his mother? Dump this mama's boy before it's too late. Spoiled ain't the half of it--he's coddled and he loves it. If you stay with him be prepared never to see your family and to make his life just as wonderful as his mother does. Good luck on both counts.