When Is a Dress Just a Dress?

Q: I have a zillion dresses and skirts and slacks and gads of other stuff in my closet. I know it's too much but I can't seem to get rid of any of it. And I keep buying. What can I do?

Anne: Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist. You need help to control your spending and hoarding habit.

Dee: Your problem is obvious, and so is the solution. You buy clothes as a replacement for sex. Buying slacks to cover your legs is easier to you than finding a man to fit between your legs. You hold onto the clothes because they represent being fucked—which is what you really want. You buy a dress; you wish you had a man with a stiff dick. You buy a new purse; you wish you were being banged against the bedroom wall. You open your closet and see dresses by the dozens; you wish each one was really a memory of a mind-shifting orgasm brought on by a lover's tongue.

Forget buying a new tee shirt. Go buy a box of extra large Trojans and find someone who fits them. After you've been laid, you won't feel the need to buy anything—except maybe sexy lingerie and fuck me heels.