The Eggs of Easter

Q: This is embarrassing to talk about, but I need advice. My boyfriend gave me an egg for Easter. To tell the truth, I don't have the faintest idea of what to do with it. Help!!

Anne: Is it a colored egg? We always used to eat them… Or is it one of those blown out, decorative eggs? They're pretty. If it falls outside those realms. I don't know, either.

Dee: Lucky you! The last egg I got from Adam and Eve sends me into orbit after only a few seconds of use. So here are a few suggestions. If it's remote controlled, plan an evening out. Dress up. Insert the egg, right about at your G-spot and make sure you hold it there—maybe with a thong if you wear them or by keeping your thighs tight, which actually increases the pleasure. Then present your boyfriend with the controller. Believe me, he will surprise you lots during your evening. and at the most delicious times. You will get a thrill and so will he, watching your reaction.

Or let him have control while you're in bed. Let him tease your pussy and clit. I'll bet that when you're good and wet he'll finish the job of bringing you to orgasm himself.

Last, the egg is great for those horny moments alone. Use your wildest fantasy and touch the vibrating egg to your clit. In no time at all you'll be smiling. The egg is one of my very favorite sex toys! Hope you enjoy yours as much.

Anne: Good heavens!

To Easter Bunny or Not To Easter Bunny?

Q: I had to write immediately because I’m so steamed. My husband, four-year-old son and I went to my mother-in-law’s for Easter dinner. This is the first holiday we’ve shared with them because we’ve been overseas since before our son was born. While there, my sister-in-law’s twelve-year-old told my son that there is no Easter Bunny. My son said yes there was—he’d just received a basket of goodies that morning, whereupon my nephew told my little boy that his parents are liars. He taunted my child until he cried uncontrollably and we had to leave. My sister-in-law refused to discipline her kid, and worse, after we finally calmed our little guy down enough to nap—with his big, furry stuffed Easter Bunny he just got today—my husband admitted he wasn’t upset.

He said when he was growing up his parents didn’t lie to him and his sister about fictional creatures like Santa or the Easter Bunny. He said he’s only been humoring me because he knew it was important to me, but now that the facts are out in the open it won’t hurt. I understand the religious significance of the day, but see no harm in a little fantasy. I’m furious, both over the incident and with my husband’s attitude. I don’t even want our son around his family, now.

Anne: Well, sorry, but you can’t very well keep your child away from his grandparents and other relatives. But I would explain to them that this is your son, and they need to respect your methods of raising him. It’s a shame this happened, but children have short memories. I’ll bet next year he’ll be looking for that basket again, oblivious to this morning’s trauma. Dee looked for baskets until she was well into her teens…

Dee: Yes, I still look for baskets at Easter. But it all started when a certain twin stole my baskets when we were children. I therefore became deprived. It was but a short leap to depraved, and I became the erotic romance writer I am today.

Now for my advice. Screw your sister-in-law and the horse she rode in on. If she doesn’t want child-rearing advice from you, she’d better respect your methods—and that includes explaining to her kid how to behave around a young child. Any twelve-year –old who taunts a four-year-old needs to be knocked upside the head to begin with, in my opinion, and I’ve got a 2x4 handy.

Now excuse me while I go find my missing Peeps.