Q: My boyfriend's mother has given me a Christmas present for each of the three years we've been dating. I never know what to get her in return. I'm in my senior year of college and don't have a lot of money, but I hate not to reciprocate in some way. Any ideas?
Anne: If she's a real lady, she will appreciate most anything you give her. Does she have a favorite flower? You can often find reasonable prices on flowers. I gave my boyfriend's mother beautiful paperweights or small pewter figures. Ask your boyfriend what she likes.
Dee: Give her the gift she really wants, which is to be nice to her son, respectful to her and not to get preggo before any possible marriage. Dust collectors are nice and required now and then, but keep the main gifts in mind, girlie.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Pure Happiness
Q: My mother wants me to go on birth control pills. I'm fifteen and have not had sex. In addition, I have signed a chastity pact stating I won't have sex until I get married. I am a straight A student and haven't given my mother cause to worry. She thinks because she got pregnant before she finished high school that I will, too. How can I get her to trust me?
Sign me Happy to Be a Virgin
Anne: Wow. After all that she doesn't believe you won't have sex? If getting good grades, stating your intentions and not getting into trouble isn't enough, I'm not sure what is. Have your doctor talk to her and explain the disadvantages to taking the pill, especially if there's no need. Keep on getting on! You're a good example and an inspiration to other girls.
Maybe Dee can help you more since she did everything you aren't. Sister, dear!
Dee: I hardly know what to say, Virgin. It seems to me your mom should be ecstatic to have the only 15-year old virgin in the country. AND you make good grades, AND you signed a chastity pledge. Anne, you aren't trying to trick me, are you?
Okay, here's the deal. Pharmaceuticals are very valuable things—when they are needed. Your mom obviously wants you to have advantages she didn't have, but if you don't need the pill, you shouldn't be taking it. Maybe if you tell her that you promise—and this has to be a sworn, sacred vow—that if you do plan to engage in sex that you will then go to the doc and get the pill, maybe she'll give you a break.
The trouble is—and your mom knows this much better than you—sex happens even when it isn't planned. So do pregnancies. And no well-intentioned celibacy pacts will protect you from getting in the family way once you unintentionally cross that line in the back seat of Johnny's Ford Camaro (or whatever). Hope you're happy then.
Sign me Happy to Be a Virgin
Anne: Wow. After all that she doesn't believe you won't have sex? If getting good grades, stating your intentions and not getting into trouble isn't enough, I'm not sure what is. Have your doctor talk to her and explain the disadvantages to taking the pill, especially if there's no need. Keep on getting on! You're a good example and an inspiration to other girls.
Maybe Dee can help you more since she did everything you aren't. Sister, dear!
Dee: I hardly know what to say, Virgin. It seems to me your mom should be ecstatic to have the only 15-year old virgin in the country. AND you make good grades, AND you signed a chastity pledge. Anne, you aren't trying to trick me, are you?
Okay, here's the deal. Pharmaceuticals are very valuable things—when they are needed. Your mom obviously wants you to have advantages she didn't have, but if you don't need the pill, you shouldn't be taking it. Maybe if you tell her that you promise—and this has to be a sworn, sacred vow—that if you do plan to engage in sex that you will then go to the doc and get the pill, maybe she'll give you a break.
The trouble is—and your mom knows this much better than you—sex happens even when it isn't planned. So do pregnancies. And no well-intentioned celibacy pacts will protect you from getting in the family way once you unintentionally cross that line in the back seat of Johnny's Ford Camaro (or whatever). Hope you're happy then.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Virgin in Virginia and Hating It
Q: I'm fifteen and have just started dating the guy of my dreams. I've had a crush on him for two years and couldn't believe it when he asked me out two weeks ago. Since then we've been together every single day. I love him and he says he loves me. I want to show him how much by having sex, but he won't do it. He signed a contract saying he would remain celibate until marriage, which I think is totally unreasonable. If he really loved me, wouldn't he want to share making love? I'm the only one of my friends who's still a virgin and I want to change that with Joey, the boy I want to be with forever. How do I convince him?
Anne: First of all, think about what virginity means. It says that you respect yourself enough to wait until you find the man (the man) you want to marry and have children with. That's the purpose of sex, not the random coupling that people use it for today. Second, you could be right, but the odds of you and Joey lasting to marriage--or even 11th grade--are slim. The divorce rate for people who date a long time and swear before their family and friends that they will "honor and cherish until death do them part" is 50%, so realistically, the chances you and Joey will last is very, very low. So if you give yourself to him, what do you do with the next boy (next boy) you "love." Last, being the only virgin in your group is not a good reason to hop into the backseat with Joey or any other boy. Losing your virginity is something that only happens once, get it? Make sure you're giving it away for the right reason, with your dignity and self worth in place and in mind.
Dee: I agree with Anne's advice, yet not the preachy style she uses to say it. Listen, before you have sex, ask your minister or counselor at school or your parents (best choice if you can talk to them) to let you talk to one or two unwed mothers. Having a child--or an abortion--at your age is not something to take lightly.
The fact is, when you're engaging in risky behavior, sometimes you make bad decisions, like having sex without protection, like drinking or using drugs so that you're not thinking clearly, or maybe letting yourself feel pressured to do something you're simply not ready to do. Adults make bad decisions, too, but your hormones are running crazy right now, making rational thought nearly impossible at times.
My advice? Pay attention to Joey. Don't have sex until you're older and you know more about what you're doing. If you're going to have sex no matter what we say, ALWAYS use a condom, no matter what a guy tells you or how carried away you are. A diagnosis of HIV is common in the 24-28 age group, which means teens are contracting the disease. Birth control in addition to a condom is not a bad thing. My mom told me when I was a teen and it's still true, use an aspirin for birth control. One aspirin, held tightly between the knees, is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.
Anne: First of all, think about what virginity means. It says that you respect yourself enough to wait until you find the man (the man) you want to marry and have children with. That's the purpose of sex, not the random coupling that people use it for today. Second, you could be right, but the odds of you and Joey lasting to marriage--or even 11th grade--are slim. The divorce rate for people who date a long time and swear before their family and friends that they will "honor and cherish until death do them part" is 50%, so realistically, the chances you and Joey will last is very, very low. So if you give yourself to him, what do you do with the next boy (next boy) you "love." Last, being the only virgin in your group is not a good reason to hop into the backseat with Joey or any other boy. Losing your virginity is something that only happens once, get it? Make sure you're giving it away for the right reason, with your dignity and self worth in place and in mind.
Dee: I agree with Anne's advice, yet not the preachy style she uses to say it. Listen, before you have sex, ask your minister or counselor at school or your parents (best choice if you can talk to them) to let you talk to one or two unwed mothers. Having a child--or an abortion--at your age is not something to take lightly.
The fact is, when you're engaging in risky behavior, sometimes you make bad decisions, like having sex without protection, like drinking or using drugs so that you're not thinking clearly, or maybe letting yourself feel pressured to do something you're simply not ready to do. Adults make bad decisions, too, but your hormones are running crazy right now, making rational thought nearly impossible at times.
My advice? Pay attention to Joey. Don't have sex until you're older and you know more about what you're doing. If you're going to have sex no matter what we say, ALWAYS use a condom, no matter what a guy tells you or how carried away you are. A diagnosis of HIV is common in the 24-28 age group, which means teens are contracting the disease. Birth control in addition to a condom is not a bad thing. My mom told me when I was a teen and it's still true, use an aspirin for birth control. One aspirin, held tightly between the knees, is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Fatherhood? Puh-leeze!
Q: I have a male friend who just started dating a girl I don't like. She told him she is pregnant from her previous boyfriend. Now my friend wants to marry her because she needs help and has nowhere else to turn. I’m crazy over this because I think he is throwing his life away. He hasn't graduated from high school yet but he thinks he can make it work. What do I tell him?
Incredulous Best Friend
Anne: Incredulous, you don’t tell us if you’re a boy or girl, but either way, you’re right to be concerned for your friend. While his intentions are admirable, it sounds as though he’s on the wrong track. He needs someone to explain a few facts of life to him—the difficulty of finding work without a diploma, the costs, both financial and emotional, of dealing with a baby in the house (especially one that’s not his), the great danger of entering into a marriage where love and trust aren’t established. Is there a family member—yours or his—who he trusts enough to listen to? Or a minister, teacher or coach, maybe? I hope someone gets through to him before he makes a mistake that will affect three people.
Dee: See? THIS is why teens should not have the right to vote. Or drink or drive. Your friend has a head full of mush. Blow in his ear (only if you’re a girl, please, and I think you are because guys just don’t use words like “incredulous”) and see if you can clear some space for him to listen up.
There are places for girls who are prego to get help. Heck, maybe even the baby’s father would be interested in stepping up to the plate. Does she know that he won’t? If not, she still has options. Once your friend leaves school, his options for success are cut in half, even if he gets a GED. The longer he tries to align the costs of a family with a beginning job, and the longer he stays married, the harder it will be for him to break out and change the path he’s going down. If they should stay together long enough to add another child to the mix, well, I fear for his sanity.
I could be wrong. Could be things are hard but they persevere and end up making a good life. But the odds are greatly against them. Hell, the odds are against two people who are out of college, madly in love and NOT pregnant with someone else’s child, thanks very much.
Your friend’s heart is full of the joy of caring and giving and rose petals for the little one. Tell him to wake up. He ain’t Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny didn’t die and put him in charge. (Actually, I guess a rabbit did die, but work with me, here.) Tell him to clear his mind of hearts and flowers and think of the worst case scenario. Chances are very good this chick is going to dump him in a year or so because he’s working too hard and the baby cries too much and he’s never around to help her with “alone time.” He’ll end up paying child support for someone else’s kid and kicking himself all the way to his place behind the French fryer at McDonald’s.
If he’s smart instead of idealistic (which I doubt) he’ll point the girl to the nearest a)family member who might care, b)church, c)social services office, or someplace other than his parents’ basement, where he envisions living with her in wedded bliss.
Incredulous Best Friend
Anne: Incredulous, you don’t tell us if you’re a boy or girl, but either way, you’re right to be concerned for your friend. While his intentions are admirable, it sounds as though he’s on the wrong track. He needs someone to explain a few facts of life to him—the difficulty of finding work without a diploma, the costs, both financial and emotional, of dealing with a baby in the house (especially one that’s not his), the great danger of entering into a marriage where love and trust aren’t established. Is there a family member—yours or his—who he trusts enough to listen to? Or a minister, teacher or coach, maybe? I hope someone gets through to him before he makes a mistake that will affect three people.
Dee: See? THIS is why teens should not have the right to vote. Or drink or drive. Your friend has a head full of mush. Blow in his ear (only if you’re a girl, please, and I think you are because guys just don’t use words like “incredulous”) and see if you can clear some space for him to listen up.
There are places for girls who are prego to get help. Heck, maybe even the baby’s father would be interested in stepping up to the plate. Does she know that he won’t? If not, she still has options. Once your friend leaves school, his options for success are cut in half, even if he gets a GED. The longer he tries to align the costs of a family with a beginning job, and the longer he stays married, the harder it will be for him to break out and change the path he’s going down. If they should stay together long enough to add another child to the mix, well, I fear for his sanity.
I could be wrong. Could be things are hard but they persevere and end up making a good life. But the odds are greatly against them. Hell, the odds are against two people who are out of college, madly in love and NOT pregnant with someone else’s child, thanks very much.
Your friend’s heart is full of the joy of caring and giving and rose petals for the little one. Tell him to wake up. He ain’t Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny didn’t die and put him in charge. (Actually, I guess a rabbit did die, but work with me, here.) Tell him to clear his mind of hearts and flowers and think of the worst case scenario. Chances are very good this chick is going to dump him in a year or so because he’s working too hard and the baby cries too much and he’s never around to help her with “alone time.” He’ll end up paying child support for someone else’s kid and kicking himself all the way to his place behind the French fryer at McDonald’s.
If he’s smart instead of idealistic (which I doubt) he’ll point the girl to the nearest a)family member who might care, b)church, c)social services office, or someplace other than his parents’ basement, where he envisions living with her in wedded bliss.
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