Q: I hate my brother, Mike. I know I shouldn't but I do. Everything he does he's so good at. Everything I do I flop. My parents are always bragging about him—he has the best grades, he dates the most wonderful girls, drives the fanciest car and has the greatest job in the world (he's a lawyer). I had so-so grades, went through a Goth stage where the girls I dated wore black everything. Now I guess I still lean toward the edgy rather than sweet and sunny…like Mike. My job is okay (I work in a local factory). I make decent money and support myself. I'm just sick and tired of hearing how great Mike is, I don't want to hurt my parents' feelings. how can I deal with this?
Anne: Well first, you didn't tell us how Mike handles all this adoration. Is he snooty, full of himself and generally obnoxious? Or does he take everything well. Do the two of you get along when you're by yourselves? If that's the case, maybe you could talk to him about how it makes you feel when your parents go on and on about him. If he's loving it, though, and hard to bear even alone, maybe you either have to tell your parents how you feel in such a way that won't hurt their feelings. You might find your parents don't even realize they're praising your brother so much. If you can't do that, you'll have to learn to deal with it. Hating your brother isn't the answer, though. In the end, that only hurts you.
Dee: I can answer this question from experience because all I ever heard growing up was how wonderful Anne was.
Anne: What???
Dee: Yes. Mom and Dad bragged about you like you were a saint.
Anne: Did not.
Dee: Did too. But did I ever hate you? Well, maybe a little, between the ages of 4 and 16, but I eventually learned to get over it. And so must you, Writer. Hating your brother or sister—
Anne: Oh, for pity's sake, I don't believe this.
Dee: —doesn't bother them at all because they usually don't know you're hating them. Even when you throw their favorite doll into the toilet or tell their blind date that she can't go out because of a sudden flare up of herpes.
Anne: I'm going to kill you…
Dee: So the best medicine is to go with the flow. If your parents say something nice about Mikey, just agree with them. If he gets a new car, tell him it's great. It isn't going to kill you, but that bitter jealousy will.
Make sure when you do good things you let people know, too. Don't expect everyone to be mind-readers. Blow your own horn or no one will. I truly believe that once you let go of your negative feelings, you'll find things aren't as bad as you thought—and you will feel better yourself.
If not, well fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Landlord Wants Too Much for Rent
Q: My landlord said he would forgive my rent each month if I would have sex with him oe night a month. I'm not a virgin or anything, and I'm a graduate student so I'm always strapped for cash. He's not a bad looking guy, and if I met him out somewhere I might even be interested. But there's something making me feel used in this situation. I can't afford to lose my apartment. What should I do?
Anne: Call the department in your city that handles fair business practices and turn him in. Someone at your school will know who to turn to. Do it!! If he made this proposition to you, he's made it to others. He needs to be stopped.
Dee: You know what? Follow Anne's advice. Then ask to meet him in a public place, say a local coffee shop. Then tell him that had he approached you there, and made conversation, he wouldn't have regretted it. Tell him that you find him attractive, and if only he had tried to meet you in a regular way, you would have fucked him all night for weeks on end without any demands on him. Tell him you would have sunk to the floor of the shop right then and there and sucked him off and given him head whenever he wanted it. Tell him if he had acted like a decent, normal human, interested in you instead of having power over you, your body would have burned for him. But instead, you’re screwing him in a different way. (This is why you meet in public.) Make sure you've got the goods against him and have dotted your "I's" before you tackle this. The bastard. Too bad you can't get near his balls with a vise grip.
Anne: Call the department in your city that handles fair business practices and turn him in. Someone at your school will know who to turn to. Do it!! If he made this proposition to you, he's made it to others. He needs to be stopped.
Dee: You know what? Follow Anne's advice. Then ask to meet him in a public place, say a local coffee shop. Then tell him that had he approached you there, and made conversation, he wouldn't have regretted it. Tell him that you find him attractive, and if only he had tried to meet you in a regular way, you would have fucked him all night for weeks on end without any demands on him. Tell him you would have sunk to the floor of the shop right then and there and sucked him off and given him head whenever he wanted it. Tell him if he had acted like a decent, normal human, interested in you instead of having power over you, your body would have burned for him. But instead, you’re screwing him in a different way. (This is why you meet in public.) Make sure you've got the goods against him and have dotted your "I's" before you tackle this. The bastard. Too bad you can't get near his balls with a vise grip.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Little Virtual Viagra
It's been a long time since we were online, but just like the Terminator, "We came back." We hope you are back with us!
There were many questions submitted while we were traveling from Virginia to Idaho, and here's one now.
Q: My husband is furious with me. He is a programmer professionally, so I thought when he came home he'd want a break, but he doesn't. He eats dinner and then disappears into the office until bedtime. He never talks about what he's doing, so earlier this week I started his computer just to look at the desktop. All of these porn sites opened up. I was shocked—I mean really shocked. We are church elders and follow the Bible. How could he sit in here for hours and look at naked women?? Don't get me wrong. There was nothing too perverse—no children or other men—but he has me for sex for why does he need to see these other…things?
Anne: I'm sure there is a good psychological reason why men enjoy porn, but the simple explanation is that they're more visually stimulated than women. The sight of a bare breast is exciting to them. Now it sounds as though your hubby has gone off the deep end, if he's spending hours at the computer terminal. I would suggest that you seek help—maybe couples counseling or a session with your minister—to see why he's looking for fulfillment in the virtual world rather than in the real bedroom.
Dee: What kind of sex life do you have? I mean. do you have a Bible reading before sleep? I believe in the Good Book, but (let's face it) that could have a diminishing effect on a man's pokey stick, you know? Instead of complaining about those nekkid girls, why don't you try joining them? Meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile, or tell him that dessert is on you, and really serve dessert on you. Your husband is obviously seeking something more exciting and "out there" than what he thinks he's getting at home. Maybe you should be happy that he is looking at girls on the computer screen and not out fucking some hot box in an alley.
On the other hand, you didn't mention your ages. Are you young, newly married, a mature couple, or in-between? That has some bearing on the situation, too. Is he accompanying the peek shows with phone sex? If you're too worried about greeting him with nothing on, maybe you could call him with a little oral stimulation—your lips whispering nasty, enticing images into his ear via the phone. In other words, don't just complain—get off your ass and do something to spark his interest.
If none of that words, seek out a therapist or divorce lawyer.
There were many questions submitted while we were traveling from Virginia to Idaho, and here's one now.
Q: My husband is furious with me. He is a programmer professionally, so I thought when he came home he'd want a break, but he doesn't. He eats dinner and then disappears into the office until bedtime. He never talks about what he's doing, so earlier this week I started his computer just to look at the desktop. All of these porn sites opened up. I was shocked—I mean really shocked. We are church elders and follow the Bible. How could he sit in here for hours and look at naked women?? Don't get me wrong. There was nothing too perverse—no children or other men—but he has me for sex for why does he need to see these other…things?
Anne: I'm sure there is a good psychological reason why men enjoy porn, but the simple explanation is that they're more visually stimulated than women. The sight of a bare breast is exciting to them. Now it sounds as though your hubby has gone off the deep end, if he's spending hours at the computer terminal. I would suggest that you seek help—maybe couples counseling or a session with your minister—to see why he's looking for fulfillment in the virtual world rather than in the real bedroom.
Dee: What kind of sex life do you have? I mean. do you have a Bible reading before sleep? I believe in the Good Book, but (let's face it) that could have a diminishing effect on a man's pokey stick, you know? Instead of complaining about those nekkid girls, why don't you try joining them? Meet him at the door with nothing on but a smile, or tell him that dessert is on you, and really serve dessert on you. Your husband is obviously seeking something more exciting and "out there" than what he thinks he's getting at home. Maybe you should be happy that he is looking at girls on the computer screen and not out fucking some hot box in an alley.
On the other hand, you didn't mention your ages. Are you young, newly married, a mature couple, or in-between? That has some bearing on the situation, too. Is he accompanying the peek shows with phone sex? If you're too worried about greeting him with nothing on, maybe you could call him with a little oral stimulation—your lips whispering nasty, enticing images into his ear via the phone. In other words, don't just complain—get off your ass and do something to spark his interest.
If none of that words, seek out a therapist or divorce lawyer.
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