Too Much Sex - Is There Such a Thing??

Q: I am a normal male in the 20-30 age group, with what I think is a normal interest in sex. But not according to my girlfriend, who seems to want it constantly. Lately, she's been harping that we need to have sex more because it's a good way for her to keep her weight down—burning calories and all that. I say it's bunk. If she's been gaining weight (and she has put on a few pounds in the last few months) then she should stop eating so much, or take up running or something, and leave me out of it. We've been dating for  two years, and I don't know what's brought up this irrational interest in doing the dirty all of a sudden. Any thoughts?

Anne: While any physical activity burns some calories, you would have to have a lot of sex for long periods each time in order to use it as a weight control program. View the information on Livestrong.com to see what I mean. It seems the better question here is the one you posed at the end: why is this coming up now? What has changed in your relationship for her to want more? And that's something you can only discover through a discussion.

Dee: I prefer Robert Wieder's humorous version of CalorieLab's data. How many calories are burned in oral sex as opposed to Oral Roberts sex? Have a good laugh and then a good fuck, I always say.

Look, you should break up with this girl. You two are obviously not suited, and I'm not laying blame on either of you. But your letter screams that you're having problems, and probably not just with sex. You say your girlfriend is "harping," that you see she's gaining weight but your solutions have nothing to do with you, and that she has an "irrational interest in doing the dirty." Any man who considers a woman who wants lots of sex to be irrational is either totally uninterested in her or irrational himself. Split up with her and do both of you a favor.

Anniversary Blues

Q: My wife keeps forgetting our anniversary. How can I remind her?


Anne: Send her a note a week or so beforehand inviting her to dinner to celebrate a "special day." Hard to forget that.

Dee: Screw her brains out every night for about a week ahead. She still might not remember the date but neither of you will care.

Too Young? Yeah. Jeez!

Q: I am fourteen and want to start wearing lipstick and shorter skirts. My mom is from the dark ages and insists I'm too young but my friends all do it (and worse). They have boyfriends, while I'm always alone—without a boy. How can I convince her to let me grow up??

Anne: I'm sure I will sound just like your mom when I say not to rush things—you'll grow up fast enough. You should enjoy the age you are—every year brings its pleasure, and boys will come soon enough. Take it slowly, regardless of your friends. Learn to love and appreciate yourself, and then you will appreciate a relationship with a boy much more.

Dee: If only you were much older. If you were and complained about not having a man I would send you to a web site that explained how to have sex (because that's where you're headed) safely. I'd give you much different advice. But you're fourteen (jeez!), so I will behave.

Look. With each step you take in life, there are consequences and changes you can never take back or change. And it's human nature to want more, no matter what you have now.

So how does that apply to your question? Let's take a hypothetical situation. (If you don't know what hypothetical means you sure as hell are not old enough to be dating.) A fourteen-year-old girl I know named…um, Sally wants to do what her friends do. It so happens her friends date—or maybe meet guys somewhere that their parents don't know about. Sally sneaks with them and does the same. She wears makeup that her mom forbids and pulls her skirt up to her thighs.

Guys, being guys, will try to get the girls to do more than raise their skirts to their thighs. They might encourage drinking or drugs—both things that will loosen Sally's inhibitions. Before Sally and her friends know it, they’re kissing the guys, they're letting the guys touch a little. Maybe they touch a little, too, and it's exciting and feels good. Really good. One thing no one tells a young girl is that foreplay feels great. The more a guy does, the better it feels and before you know it, you aren't thinking much anymore.

It's at this point that some girls lose all sense and go all the way. They let the guy fuck them—'cause fucking is what it is, Missy. There's nothing romantic about it, no matter what nonsense the guy spouts at the moment. He's only saying whatever it takes to get in your pants—remember that.

Now here's what I want you to think about:
Probably in a matter of weeks, Sally has gone from a normal fourteen-year-old to a girl who "puts out." That's what the guys will say to each other, and before she knows it, she'll have lots of guys hanging around—all wanting her to spread her legs. Hey! Nothing against the guys—it's the way male children are (some male adults, too). They will expect Sally to continue doing what she's already started.

At fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, what else is there? Sally has already done it all, and the thrill and/or pleasure has worn off. And SHE CAN'T EVER GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE.

That might not seem like much now, but think about it. Which road do you want to take? I'm sure you keep whining to your mother that you're grown up and can make decisions for yourself. Well, prove it by making the right decision now. There's plenty of time for screwing around later. You'll enjoy it more, believe me.

If you choose the wrong path, please talk to your mother and tell her if you get involved in sex. Take precautions against disease and pregnancy. But I hope you hold off.

The Landlord Wants Too Much for Rent

Q: My landlord said he would forgive my rent each month if I would have sex with him oe night a month. I'm not a virgin or anything, and I'm a graduate student so I'm always strapped for cash. He's not a bad looking guy, and if I met him out somewhere I might even be interested. But there's something making me feel used in this situation. I can't afford to lose my apartment. What should I do?

Anne: Call the department in your city that handles fair business practices and turn him in. Someone at your school will know who to turn to. Do it!! If he made this proposition to you, he's made it to others. He needs to be stopped.

Dee: You know what? Follow Anne's advice. Then ask to meet him in a public place, say a local coffee shop. Then tell him that had he approached you there, and made conversation, he wouldn't have regretted it. Tell him that you find him attractive, and if only he had tried to meet you in a regular way, you would have fucked him all night for weeks on end without any demands on him. Tell him you would have sunk to the floor of the shop right then and there and sucked him off and given him head whenever he wanted it. Tell him if he had acted like a decent, normal human, interested in you instead of having power over you, your body would have burned for him. But instead, you’re screwing him in a different way. (This is why you meet in public.) Make sure you've got the goods against him and have dotted your "I's" before you tackle this. The bastard. Too bad you can't get near his balls with a vise grip.

A Night of Slumming

Q: I realize this is going to make me sound like a shallow, insensitive person, but I'm embarrassed to be dating the man I am currently seeing. I'm a very, very high-profile, successful woman. If I told you where I live you would probably guess who I am, in fact. About three months ago I met a man in a bar I frequent when I'm feeling slummy. I usually find someone there to shack up with in a nearby no-tell motel for a night of hot sex. That night the man I met intrigued me from the very beginning. His humor, his good looks, his sexy smile swept me off my feet and I couldn't wait to get him naked and pounding into me—which happened less than 2 hours after our first double shot of Jim Beam. Thing is, one night with him hasn't been enough. Hell, all night fuck fests on 78 different occasions hasn't been enough. I can't get my fill of this guy. We always meet in a place I'm sure no one I know would be caught dead, and I sense he's getting a little tired of being hidden away. Here's my problem: he cleans out septic systems for a living. As soon as he starts speaking it's obvious he has little education—though he's very intelligent, in an earthy, practical kind of way. I like him, God knows I love his body and what the man does with his dick, but I can't see him in the normal way a man a woman date. I can't possibly bring him into the light of day. That might sound snobbish, but I can't help it. How can I keep him and still maintain my self respect?

Anne: Tell him exactly what you just told us and see if he agrees to be your boy toy. Don't be surprised if he tells you to fuc… uh, take a long walk off a short pier. I would.

Dee: Jeez, you have a real problem. Now, where is this bar you go? And I mean exact directions.

As far as how you keep this God of Fucking, I don't think you do. Send me exact directions to him, too.

To Be (Engaged) or Not To Be (Engaged)

Q: New Years Eve was a bust and a boon. My boyfriend asked me to marry him at midnight. I was so happy. Later, we lost track of each other in the crowd. When I found him—before 1:00—he was in a corner with not one but two girls, feeling them up and giving tongue. I felt like such a fool. Now I don't know what to do. He says he was too drunk to know what he was doing and that I'm over-reacting. Maybe that's true…I just don't know.

Anne: If he was too drunk to know what he was doing when you saw him, was he too drunk to know what he was doing less than an hour earlier when he asked you to marry him? I'd say this relationship calls for more time before you decide he's the man forever and ever.

Dee: Gosh, I wonder what made him feel the need to drink himself to oblivion between midnight and 1:00…? Maybe the thought of a lifetime's commitment, hmmm? Kiss him senseless, fuck him up one side and down the other if you want, but give an engagement a bit more time.

Giving Thanks Without the Family

Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He's funny. smart and successful. All my friends tell me how cute he is and the sex is great. The thing is, three years of dating for an adult is a long time. He's not only never talked about marriage or any serious commitment. he's never even taken me home to meet his family. Not for anything—birthdays, weddings, holidays, nothing. We meet up with his friends and mine to do things but don't you think it's strange that he wouldn't invite me to anything where his family is involved? They live less than 40 miles away, and even if his parents come into town for dinner or his brother comes for a ballgame, it's always without me. Do you think that means anything? The latest "miss" was last week. He went to his folks' for Thanksgiving and I stayed here in town for the holiday alone.

Anne: It definitely sounds as though he's not ready for a commitment. You have to make up your mind if going along as you are is a deal breaker or not. If you're ready to settle down and want much more, you need to tell him straight out and see what he says. If he still indicates he's not ready, maybe you need to free yourself to look for someone who is.

Dee: You can stick a fork in him, but he's not ready. Stop screwing this turkey and find someone new to gobble.

Older But Maybe Not Wiser

Q: I'm what's come to be known as a cougar. My boyfriend of a year is 12 years younger than me. I'm…let's say past the legal drinking age by about 25 years and he's in his 30s. He seems perfectly happy with our relationship. I love parts of it (especially the frequent and fantastic sex), but I get nervous going out with him. I keep thinking everyone's staring at us and wondering how much I'm paying to get a young stud for a date. What I think they're saying behind my back makes me feel like a slut, not a nice man's lover. If we could stay home, just with each other, I'd be more content, but he's very social and likes to be out with his friends. What should I do?

Anne: It's a cliché to say that if the roles were reversed—if you were a man and he a woman—no one would think anything of the situation you're in. You are woman. Let's hear you roar. I say try to enjoy your relationship—he seems to be.

Dee: OMG! You are being fucked senseless by—in your own words—a stud, and you're questioning what? Why he's screwing you? Something about your technique must be good. Then are you asking why he takes you out with his friends? He must not be embarrassed by your looks or manners. So you're wondering why he "seems perfectly happy" with the status quo? Lady, you must be doing something right!!!!

Now, if you think there's something wrong with what you're doing, like if you think there's something morally objectionable about an older woman being with a younger man, then break it off. Send him away to make some other older woman happy. Otherwise, relax, smile and enjoy your good fortune—plenty of other women would love being between your bed sheets.