Jerry or Hubby?

Q; All my girlfriend wants to do is watch TV. And she watches trash like Jerry Springer and Maury. She tapes it while we're at work and then wants to watch it at night. I can't stand to be around when that stuff is on but I can't pry her away from the set. Sex used to be great—from what I remember. Maybe I could put up with her TV shit if it made her horny but it seems to do the opposite. Any advice?

Anne: Have you told her about your feelings? I mean have you talked, not yelled or been sarcastic. There is some reason why your wife has turned to this kind of TV at night when the two of you could be together. Maybe you should seek counseling.

Dee: Have you tried stripping down and parading in front of the Mrs.? (Yes, I have also seen those shows and know how they work.) If that doesn't work, find some way to disable the VCR or the TV. Have cable taken out.

Hell, if nothing works, have the whole couch up taken out, with the wife on it. If she prefers Jerry to you, buy her a ticket to CT and wave bye-bye.

The Eggs of Easter

Q: This is embarrassing to talk about, but I need advice. My boyfriend gave me an egg for Easter. To tell the truth, I don't have the faintest idea of what to do with it. Help!!

Anne: Is it a colored egg? We always used to eat them… Or is it one of those blown out, decorative eggs? They're pretty. If it falls outside those realms. I don't know, either.

Dee: Lucky you! The last egg I got from Adam and Eve sends me into orbit after only a few seconds of use. So here are a few suggestions. If it's remote controlled, plan an evening out. Dress up. Insert the egg, right about at your G-spot and make sure you hold it there—maybe with a thong if you wear them or by keeping your thighs tight, which actually increases the pleasure. Then present your boyfriend with the controller. Believe me, he will surprise you lots during your evening. and at the most delicious times. You will get a thrill and so will he, watching your reaction.

Or let him have control while you're in bed. Let him tease your pussy and clit. I'll bet that when you're good and wet he'll finish the job of bringing you to orgasm himself.

Last, the egg is great for those horny moments alone. Use your wildest fantasy and touch the vibrating egg to your clit. In no time at all you'll be smiling. The egg is one of my very favorite sex toys! Hope you enjoy yours as much.

Anne: Good heavens!

All Tied Up

Q: My husband says our sex life has become old. Well, after wrestling four kids under the age of 7 all day, yeah I'm tired at night. Lately I've found bondage site on our computer history, and I wonder if that's what he has in mind to spice things up. I admit, I could go for a little light bondage—emphasis on light. But how can I be sure he doesn't want to go farther than I'm willing?

Anne: Well, you have to talk to him plainly about what you are and are not willing to do. Make sure you are both on the same page so your expectations are acceptable. Remember, once you're tied to the bedposts, you are only able to do so much until you are untied. Is this what you want?

Dee: Good for you, for being willing to try something new. As long as neither party goes beyond what the other is willing to accept, bondage can be fun. On the other hand, it can get pretty complicated. For a free site to check out, try Bondage. Or Bedroom Bondage, with the innocuous looking Lorelei to put you at ease. Don't forget, bondage goes both ways—strap him to the bedposts, too. It does a man good to be totally at a woman's mercy now and then. A blowjob while he's unable to do anything is pretty amazing to a guy--or so I'm told. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you both agree to it. Then let your fantasies run free. If you trust your partner, there should be no fear, only pleasure. Here's to getting tied up in each other!