My Son is Getting Married--Maybe

Q: My son is getting married in October. I like his bride all right except she's very opinionated, especially about the wedding. Her parents are overseas and won't be here until a few days before the wedding and both my son and his fiancée work full-time so I volunteered to help her plan everything. The trouble is she's so particular and doesn't appreciate my offer much. I know the city and the venues, and I have a very good sense of style. The girl won't listen to reason, though. I'm afraid this is going to cause trouble between her and my son before they even walk down the aisle. What should I do?

Anne: So are you saying your son agrees with you and not with his intended? I'm sure your sense of style is just wonderful, but are you sure you're being fair? This is her wedding, after all. I'd advise you to make a list of how you think things should be done and compare it to your future daughter in law's list. See where there is agreement. That will show where you need to come to a consensus. But no arguing! This should be a happy time.

Dee: I'm sure you're not trying to be a bitch. Or maybe you are--I'm not one to judge. I have one piece of advice for you. Repeat this mantra: This is not my wedding. This is not my wedding.

The way I see it, unless you are paying for the whole shabang--in which case you do have the right for input if costs are skyrocketing--your job is to give advice when asked. Key words: when asked. If the wedding turns out ugly, a complete mess or nothing the way you envision, know what? You don't have to look at the pictures years from now. Be more concerned with your son's and his new wife's happiness and less about controlling their beginning.