Q: I'm getting married in three weeks. Please tell me how to avoid murdering my future mother-in-law. She's a wonderful person. I'm sure someday—in a few years, maybe—we will love each other as dear friends. But not as long as she is driving me crazy over how to arrange the wedding. My mom isn't able to be here until just before the big event, so I appreciate future mom's input and help. I do. But I want something small and intimate and she sees something much grander. We don't have much time before my soon-to-be husband ships out overseas. I hate to spend it in turmoil. I'm afraid I'll soon end up saying something I'll regret. Help!
Anne: The fact of the matter is, weddings are emotional events--for the future MIL as well as for you. Emotions always make things harder to deal with. This is a job for your future husband. Have him tell his mother what the two of you want. At the very least he needs to be by your side supporting you or you and your future MIL will start off on the wrong foot.
Dee: What she said. Especially since in a short while he is going to be gone leaving you to deal with his mom. You don't want her to be a Dragon Lady—or to see you as one.
Now if your husband doesn't care about the wedding—he just wants to get you in the sack so he can screw your brains out before he departs, well, maybe that's a good compromise. If it comes down to being in total stress over whether you have a sit down dinner or a snack bar, it's not worth it. The whole point to a wedding is legal screwing. Get to that part with as little stress as possible. After all, when it comes down to it, relationships are important, not standing on ceremony.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Getting a Little in the End
Q: My husband likes anal sex. I'm not crazy about it, but I want to please him in a special way every now and then. I feel I should know more about it, though. What should I know that I don't know to ask?
Anne: Hygiene is everything. Make sure you stay clean and that your husband cleans his … you know before and after anal sex. And now you know as much as I do about that form of sex. Sis…?
Dee: Anne is right, cleanliness is next to godliness when it comes to taking it in the backdoor—although the Almighty might not like being associated with anal sex. That applies to you, too. Make sure you've evacuated yourself before the big event. (Yes, that means just what it sounds like. Having a gentle shit isn't good enough. Sacrifice for the greater good.)
Wikipedia has an article on anal sex with pictures and all (not for viewing during work, I might add). It's not full of info, but will let you see that the practice isn't so perverse. In other words, your husband isn't alone in his desire for it. (By the way, did you know Wikipedia also has a site for sexual positions? It's like a mini, Kama Sutra online.) There are other sites, like Sextutor, Babeland and Freddy and Eddy.
In addition to being hygienic, the next most important factor—especially for you—is to use a good lubricant. The anus doesn't naturally have much secretion to ease penetration, so tell your hubby to use a good cream or gel designed for the anus. You can find them at any sex shop or site, like Adam and Eve. Without being well lubricated, you're likely to experience pain, and that's not the purpose of sex between two consenting adults.
Start easy and work your way up. This is one time when foreplay is really vital. Have your husband finger you first, gradually working his fingers in and stretching you before he actually penetrates you. That should be fun for him as well as stimulating for you.
Explore anal sex toys. The variety will knock you on your ass—no pun intended. If you find you enjoy the act, maybe you'd like to try a butt plug so you'll be more available, so to speak. Or an anal dildo, which is shorter than the regular one. These are also good ways for hubby to prepare you for what he has to offer, which hopefully will bring you the same amount of pleasure he gets from this sex act. Good luck and enjoy!
Anne: Hygiene is everything. Make sure you stay clean and that your husband cleans his … you know before and after anal sex. And now you know as much as I do about that form of sex. Sis…?
Dee: Anne is right, cleanliness is next to godliness when it comes to taking it in the backdoor—although the Almighty might not like being associated with anal sex. That applies to you, too. Make sure you've evacuated yourself before the big event. (Yes, that means just what it sounds like. Having a gentle shit isn't good enough. Sacrifice for the greater good.)
Wikipedia has an article on anal sex with pictures and all (not for viewing during work, I might add). It's not full of info, but will let you see that the practice isn't so perverse. In other words, your husband isn't alone in his desire for it. (By the way, did you know Wikipedia also has a site for sexual positions? It's like a mini, Kama Sutra online.) There are other sites, like Sextutor, Babeland and Freddy and Eddy.
In addition to being hygienic, the next most important factor—especially for you—is to use a good lubricant. The anus doesn't naturally have much secretion to ease penetration, so tell your hubby to use a good cream or gel designed for the anus. You can find them at any sex shop or site, like Adam and Eve. Without being well lubricated, you're likely to experience pain, and that's not the purpose of sex between two consenting adults.
Start easy and work your way up. This is one time when foreplay is really vital. Have your husband finger you first, gradually working his fingers in and stretching you before he actually penetrates you. That should be fun for him as well as stimulating for you.
Explore anal sex toys. The variety will knock you on your ass—no pun intended. If you find you enjoy the act, maybe you'd like to try a butt plug so you'll be more available, so to speak. Or an anal dildo, which is shorter than the regular one. These are also good ways for hubby to prepare you for what he has to offer, which hopefully will bring you the same amount of pleasure he gets from this sex act. Good luck and enjoy!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Virgin No More?
Q: I am nineteen and still a virgin. I'm determined to fix that. However, I don't really have a boyfriend and I'd prefer not to just grab someone off the street. Is there a sex toy I can use?
Anne: What in the world are you thinking??!!? Why are you determined to give up your virginity? Is your hymen hurting you, vexing you, embarrassing you? No! It's just sitting there, secretly waiting for the right time, the right person to come along. Leave it alone until you find a man you love and want to share the experience with.
A sex toy! Of all the silly questions.
Dee: I agree with Anne although for different reasons. Sure, you can buy a dildo and technically end your virginal state. But I think doing the deed yourself would be very hard. Bring a friend if you decide to go that route, keeping in mind a guy would most likely choose to help in a more personal manner. My advice is do not attempt this at home.
Personally, I think there's nothing like the feel of a real man. Nothing like the stroke of his fingers up your leg, or his knee nudging yours apart. A dildo won't make your breath hitch like feeling a man's weight, or the wetness of his cock on your thigh, or his hot kisses trailing along your jaw to your neck and nipples. And when a man penetrates you, filling you, stretching you, heating you from the inside out, you'll know no dildo could ever do the job right. Don't forget, there's likely to be pain involved in breaking your hymen. A man will take you past that, letting you know why you went to all the trouble. Trust me on this.
Where the hell is Jack??
Anne: What in the world are you thinking??!!? Why are you determined to give up your virginity? Is your hymen hurting you, vexing you, embarrassing you? No! It's just sitting there, secretly waiting for the right time, the right person to come along. Leave it alone until you find a man you love and want to share the experience with.
A sex toy! Of all the silly questions.
Dee: I agree with Anne although for different reasons. Sure, you can buy a dildo and technically end your virginal state. But I think doing the deed yourself would be very hard. Bring a friend if you decide to go that route, keeping in mind a guy would most likely choose to help in a more personal manner. My advice is do not attempt this at home.
Personally, I think there's nothing like the feel of a real man. Nothing like the stroke of his fingers up your leg, or his knee nudging yours apart. A dildo won't make your breath hitch like feeling a man's weight, or the wetness of his cock on your thigh, or his hot kisses trailing along your jaw to your neck and nipples. And when a man penetrates you, filling you, stretching you, heating you from the inside out, you'll know no dildo could ever do the job right. Don't forget, there's likely to be pain involved in breaking your hymen. A man will take you past that, letting you know why you went to all the trouble. Trust me on this.
Where the hell is Jack??
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday Dinner Trouble
Q: My mother expects my husband and me to eat at her house every single Sunday. And not just eat there, come for the say. They wait to go to Mass so we can go with them, mom expects me to help in the kitchen and dad like Mike to watch the game (whatever game is on) with him.
The trouble is, we're newlyweds—just got married three months ago. We do live nearby (about 60 miles), and we both love my mom and dad, but… How can I tell my parents that we really want to start establishing our own Sunday meals, or that we even want sometimes to sleep in and relax over the paper? I'm an only child who lived at home right up until the wedding and my parents are European transplants who are big believers in family. Mom is very sensitive and dad backs her up no matter what. I don't want to hurt their feelings but I want to feel like a married woman, alone with my new husband, on the weekends as well as during the week.
Anne: Family is touchy, but you have to put down your foot now, before things go too far. Explain to your mom that you all love her and your dad, but that you have plans the next Sunday. Then make plans—even if it's to sleep late or watch a movie on TV. Tell her you will be happy to come to Sunday dinner once a month. Maybe you could suggest they come to your house every other month. Just you and your hubby decide what you are willing to do, and then explain it to your parents. Stay firm and eventually your mom and dad will get used to the new plan.
Dee: First of all, you think 60 miles one way is "nearby"??? Explain very sweetly to your parents that you and your husband work all week and you need the weekend to catch up on sex. That should shut them up for a minute or two while you go on to say that you work all week and take care of normal chores on Saturday, leaving only Sunday for sweaty sheets and hot screwing. Tell your mom to remember back to when she was married for three months, and if she's honest she'll recall her own tangled sweaty sheets. I mean, you came from somewhere. If she asks you to explain further, you're in big trouble. Although, you could say you were hoping to give up that honkin' big dildo you've been hiding in your underwear drawer for the last two years and start using something hotter that works without batteries. I can practically guarantee your parents will be speechless after that. Good luck.
The trouble is, we're newlyweds—just got married three months ago. We do live nearby (about 60 miles), and we both love my mom and dad, but… How can I tell my parents that we really want to start establishing our own Sunday meals, or that we even want sometimes to sleep in and relax over the paper? I'm an only child who lived at home right up until the wedding and my parents are European transplants who are big believers in family. Mom is very sensitive and dad backs her up no matter what. I don't want to hurt their feelings but I want to feel like a married woman, alone with my new husband, on the weekends as well as during the week.
Anne: Family is touchy, but you have to put down your foot now, before things go too far. Explain to your mom that you all love her and your dad, but that you have plans the next Sunday. Then make plans—even if it's to sleep late or watch a movie on TV. Tell her you will be happy to come to Sunday dinner once a month. Maybe you could suggest they come to your house every other month. Just you and your hubby decide what you are willing to do, and then explain it to your parents. Stay firm and eventually your mom and dad will get used to the new plan.
Dee: First of all, you think 60 miles one way is "nearby"??? Explain very sweetly to your parents that you and your husband work all week and you need the weekend to catch up on sex. That should shut them up for a minute or two while you go on to say that you work all week and take care of normal chores on Saturday, leaving only Sunday for sweaty sheets and hot screwing. Tell your mom to remember back to when she was married for three months, and if she's honest she'll recall her own tangled sweaty sheets. I mean, you came from somewhere. If she asks you to explain further, you're in big trouble. Although, you could say you were hoping to give up that honkin' big dildo you've been hiding in your underwear drawer for the last two years and start using something hotter that works without batteries. I can practically guarantee your parents will be speechless after that. Good luck.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Growing Up Fast
Q: Please tell me what I should tell my mom. I say I'm only young once. I want to date and be on my own like my friends who are also fourteen. Some of my friends have even had sex already. My mom says I have to tell her where I'm going, with who and when I'll be back. She treats me like a child. I think I should be treated like an adult. How may I convince her?
Anne: You might convince her by doing better in English—you made two errors in your short note to us. (See if you can find them.)
A fourteen year old is not an adult, unless you're from a tribe in a 3rd world backwater, where they are often married and expected to raise families or support a family. In which case, you'll be working too hard to go on dates or have fun on your own. The parents of your friends who let them date and do God knows what else are doing their children no favors. Someday you will thank your lucky stars you had such a caring and strict mother.
Dee: What should you say to your mother? Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say, Mom.
Take it to the bank, kid, you are not ready to take on adult responsibility. No fourteen year old is, especially for sex. One small mistake in this arena can cost you dearly for the next 22 years of your life. Any one of your friends who say they are able to handle sexual intercourse and all the other crap you mentioned is lying or stupid or both.
Enjoy your time as a teen by not taking on adult behaviors and activities you aren't prepared for. And if you think Anne and I are just taking your mother's side of things, ask yourself if maybe we don't know a few things you don't. Maybe—just maybe—age teaches us a few things you haven't had time to learn.
Anne: You might convince her by doing better in English—you made two errors in your short note to us. (See if you can find them.)
A fourteen year old is not an adult, unless you're from a tribe in a 3rd world backwater, where they are often married and expected to raise families or support a family. In which case, you'll be working too hard to go on dates or have fun on your own. The parents of your friends who let them date and do God knows what else are doing their children no favors. Someday you will thank your lucky stars you had such a caring and strict mother.
Dee: What should you say to your mother? Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say, Mom.
Take it to the bank, kid, you are not ready to take on adult responsibility. No fourteen year old is, especially for sex. One small mistake in this arena can cost you dearly for the next 22 years of your life. Any one of your friends who say they are able to handle sexual intercourse and all the other crap you mentioned is lying or stupid or both.
Enjoy your time as a teen by not taking on adult behaviors and activities you aren't prepared for. And if you think Anne and I are just taking your mother's side of things, ask yourself if maybe we don't know a few things you don't. Maybe—just maybe—age teaches us a few things you haven't had time to learn.
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