Nearly 60 and Loving It

Q: I am a woman nearly 60-years old and quite well off. I have become attracted to a man in his early 20s. In fact, he's finishing college this spring. He's bright and intelligent and young, and he makes me feel young again. He escorts me to opera, ballet and art gallery openings, but truth be told I'd want to be with him for the sex alone. It's better than anything I've ever known—intense, emotional and frequent. He's taught me about anal sex (which I've never been brave enough to try) and things like pocket rockets and ben wa balls. Sex with him is like a whole, forbiiden world I've loved exploring. The problem is my friends, family and his friends and family. On his side, everyone thinks he's doing something awful spending his time with an old woman. On my side, everyone thinks he's after my money and just wants to live off me. They are making life difficult for us. I'm in this for the ride and have no illusions that he loves me. I give him gifts because I like to and I can. Is there anything wrong with that?

Anne: It could be said that you are leading him down a bad path, encouraging him to rely on a woman for his livelihood. However, if both of you accept the rules of the game you've started, I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. I would advise you not to sign anything.

Dee: Good golly. You're almost 60 and you snapped up a young 20 something guy?? How the hell did you do that? Conversation, escort duties and all the fucking you can handle (or maybe more, dare I hope?). Life has treated you well woman! Tell those screwball friends and family that they're just jealous and if they can't get with the program, to buzz off. Take life by the horns! You can't make your friends happy and they shouldn't have the power to fuck up your happiness.

Desperate Denver Dan

Q: How can I convince my wife to have sex when her family is visiting? This year has been hell. I'm working and my wife is, too. Unfortunately, a good number of her family is not, and they've all been staying with us. First one brother, then another brother with his wife and kid, her sister with her two kids and then her mom decided to come for two weeks. Now the first brother is lai off and back again. We have a small house and my wife has refused to have sex unless we happen to be home and all of them are out—which has happened twice in three months. I'm about to die—or kill someone. Which should I do to get back to normal relations?

Anne: You poor guy! But what a nice guy, too, to help your wife's family. I think (if financially possible) you should pay everyone to go out to dinner or a movie once a week. Or maybe you and your wife could afford a motel room now and then? You're stuck between helping family and helping yourself. Just remember that this bad economy won't last forever.

Dee: I understand it's difficult to explain to a brother that you want some time alone to hump his sister, but you are married. It's not like you're asking him to give you time alone to fuck his teenage sister in the bed of a 1985 Ford at the end of a farm lane in Virginia Beach. Not that anyone I know ever did that… Anyway, if you can't talk to her family and convince them to leave you alone, then you have to do something else. Go somewhere. "Get a room," or even use the bed of an old Ford pickup. Be imaginative or your marriage will end before the recession.

In the meantime, have you suggested she give you a little relief? A BJ might be nice to take the edge off, or even a hand job. Don't be shy.

Don't Throw Out the Bike!

Q: My son will be 16 in a couple of months, and he wants a car in the worst way. I'm a single father and really can't afford to buy him one, especially in this economy when work is uncertain. To his credit, he's worked summers and after school for the past several years and saved a good bit of that money. I've had college costs in mind for it, but now I find that he's had a car planned. How can I handle this situation and not make him an angry teen?

Anne: Gosh, the teen years are the hardest to deal with. I would sit down and talk the problem out. Has he found a car he likes? Does he know the costs of insurance and maintenance? Does he know the responsibility required? In other words, does he know that owning a car is much more than the car itself? Once all the cards are on the table, maybe the two of you can come to an agreement.

Dee: Look, I agree with everything Anne says. Maybe looking for a car is something the two of you can do together and bond a little. But I'd also add that you are the parent. Sometimes it's your job to lay down the law. Try to be reasonable and hope that he is, too, but in the end you might have to say no--and mean it. Not having a car at 16 isn't the end of the world, as a good many of us know. Your son might have to discover it, too, and he'll survive just like we did.

[Note: Dee and Anne will be on the road this week and will be unable to answer posts. I hope you'll forgive our lack of response!]

Family Moochers

Q: Dee and Anne, I write this note pissed as hell. Every month my husband and I go out to dinner with his sister and her husband. What started a couple of years ago as a fun way to get together regularly has become an infuriating evening for me. My brother-in-law finds ways every month to pass the check off on us. He has laughingly come up with "days" like Brother-in-law Day, Favorite Carpenter Day (he's a carpenter) and so on. When we go to cafeterias, he says he'll decide on a great table, which finagles his way to the front of the group. Of course, his food goes onto our ticket. My sister-in-law is oblivious to what's going on, and my husband just shrugs his shoulders. He says we make more money than the two of them. In reality, he just doesn't want to rock the boat. Okay, so we do make more. That shouldn't be a reason to push those evenings onto us. How can I bring this up without making everyone mad?

Anne: I don't think you can bring it up without upsetting the rest of the group. I know it isn't right, but they're really your husband's sister and brother-in-law. If he isn't upset, maybe you shouldn't be, either. Choose less expensive places to eat and try to enjoy the time you have together. I can almost guarantee if you make this into an issue, feelings will be hurt and you won't be spending any more evenings out together. You need to decide, how important is being with family?

Dee: Here's the deal. Your husband doesn't mind that you all are getting stuck with the nights out. So suck it up. And get real. If you're going to cafeterias for some of your meals, then it's not like you're spending hundreds of dollars on French wine or anything.

Look, lady, it sounds like the only one getting ulcers in this group is you. What does that tell you?